Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Sunday, 20 January 2019

Just Add Tears

Sometimes I wonder about the idea of markers and memorials. When I am called Home it will be good enough for me to leave my heart to the winds and my soul to my Maker. Monuments - to me, at least, seem to focus and intensify grief, whereas memory softens and diffuses it.

But what do I know.

Quantifying The Soul

Does a soul have mass? Does a soul have dimension? Or properties that can be measured the way mass and energy can?
Can it manifest itself in terms of one, or the other, or both?

Monday Morning Coffee Symposium

When I was a kid I had a part time job in a warehouse with a great but sullen prick of a boss. First day on the job I said "Good morning Henry!"

"Gawdammit" he replied. And into his office he went to do whatever it was he did. Warehouse work isn't particularly challenging so I did alright. I did my thing, he did his. The next morning... same thing again: Good morning Henry! Gawdammit!!!

It went on for a week like that and at first I got mad about it. The odd thing was that there was no malice in it. Soon I was curious and that was even worse! I couldn't take it any more and one morning I followed him into his office and closed the door behind me. "Do we have a problem Henry?" I asked. "Would it kill ya to say 'good morning' back to me? Or have I pished in your cornflakes somehow...?"

The wretched little man smirked and said "It may be a good morning for you - but for me, any day at work is a waste of my day! I say gawdammit because I wish I wasn't here!" And with that he LOLLED and I HAR HAR HARed. The next morning I saw him, I said a cheerful "Gawdammit Henry!" and he just nodded and smirked..

Today's guest speaker is gonna learn ya everything ya need to know about starting the week off right! With a good cup of coffee!

Gawddammit everyone - and have a good Monday!

Just Spit Ballin' Here

It's all the rage now in Hollywood to change the race and gender of the leading characters of much loved classics. The comic books are the worst. All my childhood superheroes are now queers, or women, or coloured. Now - I don't buy many comic books anymore but it still pisses me off to see the touchstones of my childhood getting vandalized this way. When I gripe about it, some pastey faced millennial she-twink with face jewelry and pink hair will tell me I'm a fat old bigot and a hater, or they'll tell me to FOAD.

Maybe it's time to turn this around on you Gen Y snowflakes and sexual freakshows?

HAR HAR HAR!!! Take that, you little shits!
What's the matter, kids? We have to be inclusive and diverse with our entertainMINT

Okay! Alright already!!! I'm sorry everyone - that is enough bigotry for today. I don't think my wife or Maker would be all that impressed with my sense of humour this Sunday either.

Pakies On Parade

Get in line, ladies!

The Collapse Of The Story Teller's Circle

I dunno if it's just age, or a case of familiarity breeding contempt. But I can't seem to catch a break when it comes to critically acclaimed arts n' literature. I'm not kiddin' ya - I had a go at the short story thing and even the crap I wrote is better than the shite plopping onto the bookshelves from the big publishing houses. The movies are all pozzed to hell too - I cannot imagine forking out good money to go see that crap. What is it for a movie now? 30 bucks? More if ya buy a tub of popcorn and a coke? The big thing now for our inspired literary class is remaking the remakes but having perverts and lifestyle degenerates in the leading roles.


Do you remember the trance of the story teller? Back in Ye Good Olde Dayse you could have the bank foreclose on your house, your dog die, and be diagnosed with terminal cancer - and forget it all under the spell of the storyteller. I have not been so entranced for at least 15 or 20 years. I'd love to be lost in a story again. The masters of storytelling set your mind free to fill in blanks, flesh out details, and they seem to deliberately leave this kind of stuff to the listener. Today's parodies try to control the plots and themes and refuse to let a listener enjoy the theme - assuming they have one in the first place! Why, I'd give my left nut to have the real story tellers back!

The Old NFO writ this one,
and it comes recommended by world famous adventurer
hunter, and man-about-town: WL Emery.
I think some of the other retards and gunnies are
speaking well of it too.
We shall see.

I bought it off Amazon for a couple bucks. It's not a Noo Yawk Times best seller, or a Nebula Award Winner - so it has that going for it - at least as far as I know. Just as the Filthy Critic (no relation)posts scathing movie reviews - I shall do the same with the Rogue Storytellers. Old NFO has earned the right to be my next potential victim. (WL was my first and he survived only by the skin of his teeth!!!)

I'm a couple pages into this one and it's alright so far and looks promising enough. Think there might be a prequel or a back story that I missed so that might be on me and not the author. That's where you separate the men from the boys. You can jump in at any point in a good story and be entertained. I'm sure the Old NFO will lose sleep at night worrying about my coming critique - but that is part of the curse of the storyteller. Rest assured, no good deed will go unpunished around here!

Have a great Sunday.

Saturday, 19 January 2019

Aesop Is SO Dead Now...! Death From Above!!!!!

Stolen from Wirecutter! How did I miss this??? I'm
gonna do this to Aesop!

I'm going to go after him when he's out duck hunting with
The Pastor. Betchya I can get 'em to shoot each other...!!!

Actually, no I'm not. Regrettably.

This is a truly nasty piece of crapcopter mayhem. To make sport of people that are actually mentally retarded is... unsporting. Like shooting fish in a bucket, really. Far more fun (and fair) to taunt and torment those that are deliberately stupid - like Aesop and The Bayou Renaissance Man! HAR HAR HAR!

There is a lot going on here that they don't see - which leads them to say stupid things like drones can be flown down the gullet of roaring jet engines, carry explosive payloads, kill thousands or millions with bioweapons, etc etc etc. As I've tried to explain to these guys repeatedly - if these toys were viable weapons... WE would use them! There is a reason Uncle Sam spends billions on his drone programs, and while Abdul the goat humping terrorist uses IED's for his mayhem. There's just better ways to kill people.

Behold this spectacle: perfectly calm winds. The drone is perfectly tuned and locked in - I suspect the pilot is pushing his exponentials on the radio to the hilt, and his PID's right on the money. And the pilot! This guy is poetry in motion, not some dumb ass kid with a toy! Notice the way he dances around the lady, not even coming close to her or any of the obstacles on the street. The only guys with situational awareness (the ability to orient oneself in an imaginary 3D space) like that - are fighter pilots and crack drone pilots. Those things have no peripheral view in tight quarters like that. The pilot has the reflexes of a cat, and is probably a local resident that lives on the street.

Watching such a pilot, one might get the idea that these thing could do massively dreadful things. But the real world and physics intercede: to lift heavy payloads, you need heavy aircraft. To fly precision drones, you need a gifted pilot who knows how to set up and tune the drone. 

Don't let the retards get to you, young lady! Next time you are assaulted by a pestilent drone, make short work of it with the garden hose. I guarantee you that after losing a $400.00 drone, the pilot will never mess with you again.

The rest of you: please note that while it is open season on retards - those crossed by the stars and Emissaries Of God are strictly off limits. They have their hands full without arseholes like us picking on them. Have a great Saturday - and be nice to someone that needs it.