Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Monday, 26 October 2015

Old Hippies On CKUA Radio...

As I get older it gets harder to wake up in the morning, saddle up, and take the dogs out for their walk...especially in winter! GAH!

It all starts with the radio. When it goes off, you seem to have your choice of fake, phoney percolated perky bubble head women who just can't imagine anything more fun than getting up in the morning to giggle about jokes that aren't funny or banter with their sidekicks about nothing in particular. They seem to think that the sillier and stupider they are the more entertaining they are.

Then there's the shock jocks that think they can still shock people in these days of mainstreamed sexually disturbed butt blasters, Chicks-With-Dicks, feminist Meat Puppets and other UFO's. (I'm looking at you, Terry Evans of K97! You aren't 'cutting edge', you're not funny and your two pals sound like teenagers that aren't very bright and need an attitude adjustment). The Bear? Those Millenial morons are even worse! Even children have to be disgusted with this...

The wife seemed to like the strung-out old hippy on CKUA who rises and shines with the spoken and sung word in the morning. When he comes on he talks about his life on an acreage in rural Alberta on soft, low tones that don't assault your raw nerves as you try to wake up. At first it was a perfect fit for an old stubfart like Yours Truly! I would wake up to this other old fart griping softly about raking the fall leaves and other chores - with his tongue firmly in his cheek. He would quietly babble about throwing hay to the horses, about how his dogs were idiots and so on. Being a farm kid 100 light years ago, and an old fart living in a growing, maddening city filling up with swarms of infuriating morons...and facing a Monday filled with them...this man's soft drone of horses, mutts and seasonal chores was calm and balm.

The other day he slipped when he started babbling about his solar powered farm house - and the illusion disintegrated. A solar powered farmhouse? Really??? JFC - you can just tell. This guy was no hobby farmer or rural acreage dweller - he was probably some elderly hippie flink that probably lives off the Froot Loop of Whyte Ave! When this idiot started going on about how he ran his house on kicked me out of his story and left me feeling some kind of sense of loss. Today he was going on about how he was gonna saddle up his horse and take his dogs out elk hunting...just an hour out of Aaaaaadmontin by lake Nakimun!

Ye Gods. If there are any elk out there, they are penned in on farms or living in some yuppie's back yard! Our Host was supposedly better than other hunters because he didn't hunt for sport off horseback with his baying dogs in acreage country - he supposedly hunted for meat and hunted alone. HAR HAR HAR!

Probably more wildlife in that boy's beard than around his 'farm'...
I am a voracious reader and it ticks me off. I don't mind if you tell me a story - in fact, I would happily sit down to listen and pour you a dram for your troubles...but if you're of a mind to do me a favour and get your facts straight? These types crap the bed all the time and aren't even aware of the logs and skid marks and wonder why people turn away from them. If you're going to hunt elk you aren't going to do it from horseback with a pack of dogs. You almost certainly aren't going to do it around Lake Nakimun and if you do some yuppie land owner will probably charge you for trespassing. Hope your horse is good at jumping fences, BTW. Authors are admonished that if you want to tell a story it has to stick closely to the facts. When you start pulling stuff out of your ass it kicks the listener out of the story and it is almost impossible to get back into it (at least for me) - once you realize the author is full of beans.
Goddammitalltohell. I'm up now...and Lord, I need a coffee in the worst way....Mondays, grumble, grumble, grumble...

1 comment:

  1. Love a good story myself as long as it does not strain the limits of credibility. I am through with frauds, I prefer to call them out. Age has a way of doing that.