Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Tuesday, 19 April 2016

Rude Joke De Jour: So That's Why Jets Are So Fast...

Two crows were sitting on a telephone wire in Mosul when an F-15 went screaming by on full afterburner . . . one crow said to the other:

"MAN ALIVE! That bird sure was flying fast!"


The other crow said:

"Yeah, well if you had two assholes and they were both on fire, YOU'D FLY FAST TOO ! ! !"
That's all for now . . . carry on . . .

STORMBRINGER SENDS

HAR HAR HAR!!!! HAR HAR HAR!!! Message received, sir, please pass along my disregards to the officers and my regards to the squaddies! HAR HAR HAR!

100 years ago when I still worked for a living and occasionally got my hands dirty, I found myself out on the CFB Primrose Air Weapons range. Back then I was a shit-house instrumentation basher/salesman and often found myself on oil leases doing simple installation/calibration/maintenance work.

There's a lot of oil work going on, on CFB Primrose and my job that day was to pull a couple cantankerous flow computers and install new ones. We depressurized the lines, I did my thing - and opened the valves back up again when everything was bolted up and thought all was well.

I was packing the tool box out to the truck when I first heard it - a small hissing sound.

...ssssss.... then the sound grew in volume. Did I have a leak???

...HSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHS...

In seconds the volume got impossibly loud and I knew something really, really bad was going on. When you work around high pressure lines noises like this usually mean somebody's gonna get hurt...because something's about to blow up!

SHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSH

Oh shit! My chest was literally reverberating from the percussive force of the sound! My teeth vibrated and my eardrums bounced around in my empty head like dice in a cup!

BOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM.....!!!!

I would have shat my pants in fear but I saw the CF-18 flash overhead.

He was gone in the blink of an eye...and I sat there in the mud and snow ... and heaved a sigh of relief when I saw that the flow transmitters were chugging along and doing exactly what they should be. I had buried my face and body right into the slop trying to get as low to the ground to avoid any shrapnel...but it was only the sonic boom from a pilot having a little too much fun on that day. Would he have laughed at me as well as those crows? I would like to think he would at least get a smile out of it.

:)


4 comments:

  1. Good stuff Glen. The crow joke reminded me of when I was a bigtime beer drinker. I can relate. Sorry to hear your daughter is estranged. Hopefully as she ages she smartens up and comes to realize how much family
    means and that the old man is not all bad. HAR HAR.
    Anyway as you know the only thing constant is change
    with my life being a perfect example. I was the last
    guy anyone would imagine this happening to because I
    always presented as macho male. When I was young I
    had this goofy belief that if only I was a better man
    the dysphoria would dissipate so I pumped iron and
    worked out until I had muscles on muscles and because
    I was never effeminate I fooled everybody including
    myself but nothing could make me happy and provide inner
    peace. I was angry at the world and couldn't understand
    why. I should have been the happiest guy in the world because I had a wonderful family and a good home but I
    was always tormented by a feeling I should be female and
    it was hell for me and for my wife because I was a bear to
    live with. Everything changed when I retired and couldn't
    control the demon inside me any longer. That's when I was
    forced to reach out for help and discovered I was trans.
    Fast forward to today and I'm one of the happiest people
    alive and life is good. My wife tells me my face actually
    glows and we are the very best of friends. I worship her.
    Anyway I like your blog. You cover a wide range of topics. Are you sure you're not related to Hemingway or
    Steinback HAR HAR. Stay good my friend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You DARE compare me to hacks like Hemingway?!?!? Why - I'll crush your head like a ripe grape for saying that!!!

      So, we're gonna do this are we? You're gonna sit there and tell me you're a butt blaster? Pull my other finger, NP - Mr. Arse on the forum already pulled that one on me. He had me going for awhile too!
      Have you seen him kicking around anywhere? Sometimes I miss the old crew...

      Delete
  2. To put a label on me I guess you could say I'm lesbian
    but my wife not so much. Anyway this thing has brought us
    closer together because she has stuck with me and without
    her support I dunno what would have happened. I tell you
    the Canadian politics forum is nothing like I remember it.
    What happened to you and Revie. Was your leaving voluntary or where you both banned. That's what happens
    when someone tries to be politically correct. They kill
    a good thing and you guys where like Ying and Yang altho
    I believe dear old Revie really hated you with a passion.
    What happened to the old broad? Or was she a guy? Maybe
    another trans. Hard to tell these days.

    ReplyDelete
  3. LOL. Yeah yeah yeah. Mr. Arse did that one too. He would brag about what a great butt blaster he was and what he did with the boys in the bath house. "You should try it, Filthie! It's fun!" I could hear him laughing all the way across the internet! Do you like to pee with the little girls in the same washroom too, NP?

    When my daughter "came out" she did it with the guns blazing and the teeth and claws out...and I saw a side of her I really didn't like. They say these sexual freak shows don't choose their lifestyles, but they can choose to be nice or nasty, or gentle or mean. People are letting them get away with deplorable behaviour. That doesn't fly in my house and suffice it to say my daughter and I no longer speak. Oh well.

    Revie and I got the punt! I'm not complaining - but I have serious issues with social justice warriors and censors and it was time to leave. Only the crickets are still there.

    ReplyDelete