Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Friday, 5 August 2016

Screw You, Flapz...

This is Odin. If ya got $500~600 beans ya can buy the
whole series: Freya, Loki, and Thor!
Collect them all and be the envy of your friends!

Lookit what Flapz is drinking!!! The bloody gall! The gods piss upon me, they really do - Flapz has the palate of a swine and tries to cover it up by posing as sherry drinking sophisticate. His father is literally a multi-millionaire and unlike his cretin of a son - he IS a sophisticated gentleman and a connoisseur of fine whiskey. (He's a darned nice guy too!) He has a palatial home with a cleverly hidden scotch room under the polished hardwood stairway - the stairs flip up to reveal a short stairway underneath that leads down to his scotch cellar. I'm guessing he has at least $10~15K in special bottlings down there. He isn't a snooty collector or a cheapskate with it either - those two philistines are going to guzzle that bottle and gargle with it the same way a fuggin Viking would!

And here I sit - the world's greatest scotch authority - drinking whatever is left in the jerry can! I am consumed with jealousy! HAR HAR HAR!

Oh it's not that bad - I could shell out for the Mythology series but won't - the single malt industry has gone from creating fine spirits for gentlemen to savour.... to marketing mediocre bottlings to adults that read comic books. It is my conviction that the classic 12 year old is the finest make that particular distillery puts out, and my opinion is backed up with the authority of Winston Churchill himself. When I break out the good stuff I want to be able to look at the empty bottle the next day with no regrets. Hmpffff - a peek in the liquor cabinet reveals that I am dangerously low on scotch and need to pick up a bottle of The Dalemore, Cardhu and maybe a jug of The Cragganmore or Longmorn. The whisky here at Castle Limegreene is not the best - but it's good enough for honest men like you and I. Errr....honest men like you, I suppose, HAR HAR HAR!

The wife has finally passed out from her coughing, the dogs are home, walked and shat, the lawn monster has been defeated... and I am going to have a sip of whisky myself. I loved the little road trip but it's good to be home again. I suppose I have become an incredibly boring man - but I am content.

No comments:

Post a Comment