A hundred years ago when The Crack was running my branch we were locked in a pitched power struggle. He was the branch manager and running the business into the ground. I was a sales guy trying to bring in business and expand sales. It got nasty and spread too - pretty soon the entire admin/clerical machine was after my blood but I was just making too much damned money for the company for them to let me go. Power plays and back stabbing started and some of it got outright ludicrous. The Crack and our head bean counter back east tried to set me up for going AWOL on vacation. Of course I keep my vacation requests and made the two look like morons by producing them and asking them why they didn't process them tell me that they would cause a problem. Another time they tried to get me set up for a harassment infraction - I was supposed to fill out an HR form promising never to get nasty with the little snowflakes again, and warned that I would be subject to dismissal and charges if I refused. I sent it (unsigned) to the CEO telling him I would resign if I was going to be hassled with this chit, and the reason I lost my temper with those morons was that they weren't doing their jobs and were jeopardizing our relationship with some very large clients. The matter 'went away' and the perps were read the riot act.
Long story short - I hacked The Crack's email so I could keep tabs on him and the crap he was pulling and who he was pulling it with! When he got in a dog fight with my customers I knew about it the second it happened. If he was setting a trap for me I either avoided it or I sprung it by pushing him into it! It was illegal as hell but hey - if you are going to cheat you can surely expect the other guy to as well. All of a sudden our customer satisfaction went sharply upward. Eventually the head office back east understood that The Crack was never going to be an effective manager and he was demoted.
I got to see a lot of his personal email too. He was on an internet dating site called Plenty Of Fish and one day Flapz and I were going through his matches. The Crack and I were in our early 50's at the time and what I saw was absolutely horrifying. The dating pool at our age is absolutely ghastly! The 'ladies' were all overweight. You could tell right over the internet why they were single and what screws were loose, if ya catch my drift. My gawd - these women were soooooo ugly! And us chads? We laughed like swine! "HAR HAR HAR!!! Lookit that one! Her ass is two axe handles wide!!! FNAH! FNAH! FNAH! NYUK NYUK NYUK! Woo woo woo woo!!!!"
We were yakking about this very subject on another blog the other day when I suddenly had a horrifying moment of clear thought:
I have become old and ugly too!
How do ya like them apples, Filthie? HAR HAR HAR! Worse: I have been ugly for a long, long time. All my hair fell out and more started growing in places it shouldn't. My back creaks and cracks and heavy piping and bolting tools that I used to throw around with impunity - well now I gotta think about how I handle them before I pick them up lest I break something! The day I have to ask for help with these things is the day I retire.
And before ya say it, you young little shits - no, working out and dieting and all that health crap won't do anything for ya at my age - you will still be ugly no matter how much weight ya lose only you'll live longer to be ugly! :) :) On a serious note, I thank my Maker for my wife and women like her, and pray that He keeps them looking as good as they always did.
I think old age is something God invented to get vengeance for all the rotten things ya did when you were younger! And I am pretty sure that the uglier ya are, the worse ya were as a youngster. You mouthy little turds are admonished to mind your manners - lest you end up looking like poor, poor Old Man Filthie.