Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Thursday, 23 March 2017

So Much For Security

it just occurred to me... yesterday when I bought that generator it cost me $1400.00 and change out the door.

I've got a $1000.00 limit on my visa in case of theft or loss - if the bad guys get my card or somehow do the identity theft thing - I can take a $1000.00 hit and shrug it off. A $12k hit wouldn't kill me but it would certainly hurt! I have a gun habit to support, HAR HAR HAR!

But yesterday they rung that generator through without blinking an eye! If my anti-theft credit limit was working - shouldn't the transaction have been declined?

Wednesday, 22 March 2017


Another $1400.00 down the crapper.
Typical Honda, started on the 5th pull (because it's brand new and on fumes)
and purred like a kitten.

If ya gotta trailer and ya gotta boondock it - ya have to have electrical power, right? Right?

BAH! Humbug!

Still and all it will get me outta the house and give me somewhere to be, HAR HAR HAR! Left to my own devices I would be just another senior delinquent, eventually picked up off the streets for vagrancy, and tossed in the can with other washed up old derelicts and relics like BW and Uncle Bob.  :)

It's a 2000 watter and I think it'll run a light bulb or maybe a furnace fan - hell, I dunno what these things can and can't do - the kid at the Honda shop said it should work. If it runs the furnace this weekend I will call it good.

Yannow I went down to my old sporting goods shop and they'll still sell me a rod or a gun - but do ya think they could sell me a good ol' fashioned Coleman lantern that runs on naptha? HAR! Fat chance!  Back when we were kings, we had one of those things putting out the light of a solar super nova all night long - and its hissing was like an old friend. My father in law presided over deer camp from the tailgate where he tended his pride and joy: a THREE burner Coleman camp stove. He did the cooking, cleaned the dishes and tended to his drink and that was his idea of heaven. He always brought a rifle but that was just for show. Without the wife to snark at him he burned 1" steaks, slathered 'em with mushrooms and onions and washed it down with scotch! I would pass out cigars afterward.

Those were good days.

I'm tryng to be happy about it. But in better days, when I was faster on my feet and my blood ran a little hotter, bushcraft for me meant the same thing it did to these beardos:

I didn't dress up in the buckskins or hunt with a flint lock...
but if I had it all to do over again I probably would!

There's a black powder geek-out at our club during the May long weekend every year. I just may take the RV down, park beside the other old geezers, and harass the kids and listen to the tall tales with a drink in hand, and then go back to my trailer and sleep on a heated mattress.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen. ;)

Tuesday, 21 March 2017

Popping Pills With Jim And Kim

I like Jim but he's not for everyone. He seems to think that women aren't worth a hill of beans without a man to tell them what to do and where to do it - and make 'em do it if they get stupid about it! I've seen him proven right, and I've seen him proven wrong by the women in my own family.

Kim du Toit tries to take a more balanced approach but he's confined his scope to celebs when he talks about female train wrecks. I don't think that's fair - those girls that go into the Hollywood fast lane have it damned tough: with celebrity, every huckster, shyster, and slob paparazzo will be out to get a piece of them by any means possible. With friends like that it's inevitable that they won't go careening off into the guard rails eventually.

I've always tried to be polite and sympathetic to men dealing with train-wreck women. I used to believe that such women were the product of poor genetics and poor parenting - and in my conceit I hung myself on my own petard: my own daughter is a militant lesbian social justice warrior and a 'gay artiste'. It would be both accurate and vulgar to say she's a fuck-up. Perhaps 'train wreck' is a better term. I used to think that one day she would grow up and redeem herself but ... Jeez, those red pills go down hard.

Ever see this one?

I used to think this was the dumbest
motivational poster there was.

I dunno what makes a train-wreck woman. I've seen several and like Kim - I won't have them in my presence. When my daughter was a kid growing up I was convinced she needed a trip to the woodshed far more than a trip to the head shrink but maybe I got that one wrong. But one thing I have noticed is that they are all their own worst enemies.

I hear the jargon those guys are throwing out like 'red/blue pills' and 'NAWALT' and MGTOW and I just shake my head. When did life get so complicated? That poster above now makes sense to me. At least the upper left, anyways.

I wonder if those pills the boys are taking aren't suppositories? Ya think?

Think I'll stick to whisky.

Monday, 20 March 2017

We Are Experiencing Technical Difficulties - Please Stay Tuned

My computer got virused. Again. Somebody around here has a penchant for goat-porn or something.

Soooo, my computer is in with the monkeys at Staples and they are going to give the machine a lobotomy.

I will be back as soon as possible but for now, I will be crapping sporadically in the comments on YOUR blogs. You can't do nothin to me over the internet now, HAR HAR HAR!

See ya soon

Gun Porn

That's what Marie Antoinette said when peasants and peons like me started whining for free food.

Yannow how some blogs have this gizmo so that you can donate money to 'em? I need one. Sheesh - I can't even afford to copy the pic and paste it on my blog! It's a shame because we could REALLY use some good dueling pistols round here. Unca Bob is mouthing off about my good buddy, George Dubya Bush and he's to big for me to beat up with my fists. Ever notice how everyone is completely on board with free speech but they lose their shit when the other guy does it? The restoration of the dueling tradition would make things real easy: sure, Bub, you can do your free speechin' all ya want - but if you mouth off at the wrong person at the wrong time you can either back up your gob honourably - or STFU, mind your manners and keep breathing and live to see another day.

Heck, that would have positive secondary effects too: shrewish women with sharp tongues and dull minds would also be stifled by angry husbands who won't want to answer for their ropey mouths, HAR HAR HAR!!! Mind you I'd probly be dead now too - with a .54 round lead ball put through my pan by some angry peasant like BW or Victor Quartermain.

Lend me some money, Unca Bob! I'll take back ALL the rotten things I've said about you! David Price was selling kits for similar swivel-breech rifles that are to die for. To the layperson it looks like he sells you all the parts and all ya gotta do is slap 'em together. Au contraire:

Disaster strikes Mike as he struggles to inlet a fine piece of curly maple...
He's been fussing with this thing all winter down in his shop.

I'm told the basic kit is around $2500.00 USD. Even the in-embellished guns are works of art and Mike will no doubt prevail and will hopefully have a range report for us soon.

As for David Price - he's quite simply the benchmark for the gun maker's art. Here are his superb 'Father & Son' rifles.

Those leaves, vines and cabbage are all wire/silver inlays. I can
sort of do it... but my work looks like it was done
by a hare-lipped retard or a gov't worker. Dave's work is
spectacularly flawless.

There's a Valhalla down in the US somewhere called 'Toad Hall' where the boys literally build flintlocks from a bar of metal and a tree branch. The 'apprentice' gun makers are old toads in their 60's and they work under the tutelage of men in their 70's. You would think a guy could make a mint selling guns like this - and a very few can - but for most of us the time investment simply isn't worth it. It's a labour of love - which is why I will probably never own one! HAR HAR HAR!

Hope yer week is off to a good start.

Sunday, 19 March 2017

Deriving Value From Today's Useless Mainstream Media

I'm in the same boat as Unca Bob. I gave up on the media back in the 90's. Most people did - the only folks taking the media seriously these days are idiots and elderly Boomers living in sheltered retirement bubbles that have no idea how the world works now. When I DO read the mainstream media - I read it through the lens of their agenda. When you do that the media CAN'T lie - their lies merely tell the truth of what they're lying about.

Take Canada's failing liberal shit rag - The Globe & Mail. These staggeringly stupid fuckwits have lost pretty much all credibility with the vast majority of the nation - even the liberals aren't buying their dreck anymore. It's written by the boringly predictable homosexuals, feminists, socialists and other dregs that infest and run Canada's big cities out east. Margaret Wente is their token conservative - and they're too fuggin' stupid to realize that she's not all that conservative at all. Let's look at her latest 'conservative' flub-dubbery: Why Trolls Love To Pick On Women.

Take a minute to read that. Look - I know it's the usual femcnut crap - just read it, okay? I'll wait.

Finished? Sorry to put ya through that. But there's a reason to: there is a whole heaping shovelful of value in that liberal excrement - ya just gotta be able to compost it first! HAR HAR HAR!

First, with the application of critical thought - you can derive some worthy questions that will produce insights you ordinarily would have missed.

  • Do women actually get trolled more so than men? When I am slumming the blogs I will take Bob, BW and all the boys into the boards and let 'em have it with the high sticks! I try to be respectful of the ladies and curb my potty mouth on their blogs. I would say that it's more a case of idiots getting trolled than women. Better cut that train of thought off here and let you continue with it on your own.
  • "Media outfits employ small armies of watchdogs to keep this smelly effluent from polluting their online comments sections. Others have just given up and dropped online comments entirely. If comments were allowed to go their own way, they’d mostly consist of insults and potty talk." Are there any adults in the WORLD who haven't heard or used 'potty talk'? Why should an adult need this suppressed?  Nobody can force you to read what's on your computer screen. So Mags - seriously, what's the justification for censorship? And why do you censor comments that don't contain any of it whatsoever?
  • What separates trolling from on-line disagreement? Why is it that women often can't tell the difference?
  • If the trolls are nothing more than schoolyard bullies and childish pranksters, why do women get so upset about them?
  • Maggie describes the troll in minute detail: psychopathy, narcissism, impulsiveness and sadism. (It used to be us icky men had a 'Dark Triad' of personality flaws, now it's a Dark Tetrad, HAR HAR HAR!!!!). What traits would your average militant lesbian feminist have? This is my favourite - 'women tend to keep their opinions private...' she said in a public newspaper.

So, what's the take away? Good grief - most women are too damned stupid to understand the concept of 'sticks and stones' - even when those utterly harmless words are thrown out by morons. The other point they didn't want to get across was that these stupid women are losing control of their narrative - they didn't allow comments because some ignernt redneck might come along and crap in the comments and spark derisive laughter and jeers.

Not mentioning any names, of course, HAR HAR HAR! But - I have to give the Glob N' Pail credit - they finally got me to click on one of their articles and actually read it. It happens every couple of months.

Are ya still a troll if ya do it on your own blog? Probly not, you're more likely a racist/homophobe/fascist with a little dink - and therefore a viable target for she-twinks, landwhales, and vibrants. The media NEVER lies!

Have a good Sunday.

Saturday, 18 March 2017

Happy Trails

Well we picked up our new little camper yesterday and I am just stoked.

I've always had a jaded view of the RV thing. When I was a kid some old retired fart and his lovely wife took pity on me because I wasn't old enough to go fishing with the big kids and there wasn't room in the boat for me anyways. (Stuff like that breaks kids' hearts). I didn't know the old guy from a hole in the ground but he took me out in his little aluminum boat wi th a 2 HP trolling motor. They towed it behind a plain looking VW camper van.

In any event we pulled up within a hundred yards of Pop and the big kids and we sunk some lines and I started pulling out small little rainbows. I learned to take the hooks out, and put them back in the water gently. When we got back the old boy showed all of us how to clean them and cook them. I was squeamish going in but afterward I could clean them as well as the big kids. He took me out twice more and then one day they were gone - off on their retirement path. I never saw them again, and I've never forgotten them. They had that little VW camper with a rainbow trout decal on one side and the white tail deer on the other. Those decals were a badge of office in those days that said "I'm retired and living the good life".

It's like everything else. The world moved on from those days and things got stupid. The tent trailers went the way of the buffalo or with the rednecks and kids. The cool kids drove big pusher motor homes with gas fire places, granite counters, opulent shitters, etc etc. My parents had a 36 foot 5th wheel that they were so proud of. It just turned me off - I think their tent trailer they had back in the 1960's would be a vast improvement. (It must be a guy thing).

But as I got older my bone's stopped fitting the ground right, erratic blood chemistry screwed up my internal thermostat and I couldn't stay warm anymore, blah blah blah. I got old. My days of tents and overnight hikes are pretty much over.

It's a Rockwod hard top/hard side A-Frame

Oh boy. This thing has a stereo, lights, stove, BBQ, heated mattress, microwave, air conditioner, etc etc etc. Times have gotten stupid and I have too I guess.

Friday, 17 March 2017

The Winchester Hemorrhoid Rifle

Firehand is on my shit list. He's working my side of the street and infringing on my authority as a specialist on old rifles for old buggers. He's shooting a Mini Sharps that looks like more fun than a barrel of monkeys. I've seen these pistol caliber rifles going after gongs out at 200m and making some serious hits too.

Firehand's old school cool complete with a period authentic
Leatherwood 3X scope.
That's serious fun right there. He's having some
minor issues that he'll suss out shortly.

I got the hankering for an old school Black Powder Cartridge Rifle a couple years back and a Uberti repro of the Winchester 1876 Centennial Rifle came up on the Gunnutz site. The pics were gorgeous so I PM'd the owner and asked what kind of shape the gun was in, etc. It all sounded good so I bought it.

Crescent butt plate. Colour case hardened receiver. Octagonal barrel.
.45-75 caliber. Be still my beating heart...

I fluked out and scored about 150 brass cases for it. I'm probably the only guy in Canada with that much brass in this caliber - the stuff is almost impossible to find up here and ya gotta know guys to get it across the border. So I loaded up some rounds, and was just stoked when I got to the range.

The gun wouldn't cycle or fire correctly.

I took it down to Rotten Rod The Gunsmith - and he tells me the previous owner did a botched trigger job and that he could do a temporary fix - but I would need some new parts. Getting them from the wops in Italy might be possible. I just about did it last week but they shipped the wrong ones. The import/repair saga goes on. It shoots for now, so I'll smile and use it. All it needs is a new hammer, and Rod was able to make an old Soule sight work for the tang.

These are really bad pics that don't capture the beauty and soul of this gun.

The problem with these Italian guns is that a lot of the materials are case hardened. Case hardening means their is a hard, outer layer of metal that will stand up to wear and tear. The inner material is soft like butter and won't wear at all. This allows the maker to use cheaper cutting and milling tools in the manufacture of the gun, whereas top notch 'hard' metals require very expensive bits and cutters to machine.

And - because guns frighten liberals and stupid people importing gun-related parts and supplies in Canada is a fuggin' nightmare. In any event, as I head into retirement I do it with some fine vintage rifles that will challenge me and keep me off the streets and doing something constructive, I suppose. Old guns and old buggers go together like bacon n' eggs.

As always, my readers (you two know who you are) will be kept informed.

Friday Speakeasy: That's Right

I was busy gobbing in the beer glasses and polishing 'em up for the customers because it's gonna be a busy day today: it's Welfare Cheque Day and I was preparing for the 9am rush! So I'll be damned - Uncle Bob and Quartermain walk in and other than their beards, they're clean, and sober. I knew something was up. Quartermain looks at Bob, points at me - and the next thing I know, Bob is kicking and punching and slapping me out the damn door! "We're under new management," Quatermain calls as I fall sprawling into the urine-soaked back alley.

Welp - I'll be go to hell, as the Bohunk farmers say around here! I saunter around to the front, go back in and Quatermain and Bob are auditioning acts for the Friday Night Speakeasy. They're doing a good job of it too! The place looks classier already despite the two beardos!

Thursday, 16 March 2017

So. Your Kid Is Queer. What Now?

I love titles like that. See 'em all the time on MSN and other 'lifestlyle' websites that mostly appeal to women. Chicken headed LIBERAL women. Stupid women. They're written by stupid women, FOR stupid women. Disagree with them? Shaddup, you homophobe! You're worse than Hitler, ya wanna fry all the queers, enslave women, blah blah blah - you know the drill, you unsavoury deplorable racist, you! HAR HAR HAR! Been there, done that, got the tee shirt.

In my case it was simple. My daughter was a leftwing SJW thumb-sucking snowflake. She was at the very leading edge of that social phenomenon and when she started wailing and sobbing about how she was abused and tortured and traumatized by my rejection of her gay agenda - and a lot of people took it seriously. Words like 'social justice warrior', 'cry bully', 'gamer gater' and 'virtue signalling' weren't even invented yet. This monster was something new! We rejected each other after that, and that was that for that! I reject anyone that opposes free speech, political/social/economic realities and critical thought. The in-laws finally got the punt from my family too and try as I might... I still look back sometimes but know that things are what they are, and ours is the new reality.

When your queer comes out of the closet, there's a lot of variables that come into play and my experiences might differ from yours by light years. Some queers ARE decent enough people outside their depravity and sin, and they are courteous and respectful of those that aren't on board with the gay agenda. It takes courage to face what you are in their boat - and you have to respect that. Most of them don't like the fact they're gay either. If they're like that you can try to get along. If I were to offer advice - when you first learn of their sexuality - stifle yourself. If you disagree with it, STFU and think about it for awhile. Don't react in haste even if you're provoked. Ask your kid to give you space while you get your head around it. It's only fair, you are going to have to challenge your own morals and ethics and beliefs and reconcile them with their depravity. That's what homosexuality ultimately is, despite the frantic efforts of stupid people to whitewash it. Good luck with that, is all I can say - and I mean that too. I was searching my soul for YEARS after our family broke.

Society has turned the victim into the new noble class. That has in turn spawned a sub-noble class of phonies like the copy-cats, the virtue signalers, the progressives and the cultural Marxists that are busy inventing new pronouns so that they can more thoroughly police the way we speak and think. If you stand up to them they are going to hit you with everything they have. People that were your friends will turn on you, and even some of your family might. There is no peaceful middle ground with these zealots and militants; they literally intend to be society's moral and intellectual superiors and they've just about accomplished it. The good new is that they can be fought. Cultural Marxism by nature appeals to stupid, marginal people and if you have to fight you can.

My experience was that the smarter family and friends will back up and try and stay out of such conflicts. The stupid ones will usually take sides and start throwing shots. The queer/SJW's will drive that as far as they can too. By nature they are deceitful and manipulative and unless you totally submit to them they WILL tear up a family. You have a decision to make with the militant queers - do you want them telling you what to say and think all the time? For them, tolerance isn't good enough - you will be expected to cheerlead for them and if you deviate from their narrative one iota - no amount of virtue signaling or apologizing will save you. It's a devil's choice: rip up your family, or get in the closet the queers had been living in.

Some family members will not have the option of 'staying out of it'. Some will have to choose sides, like your wife or husband. I agree that it's a horrible thing to have to do - forcing them to take sides... but if everyone is honest with themselves, about progressives and the LBGTXYZ clan - most parents will see the hurt and hell their sexually disturbed kids are headed for and they will be parents first and tolerant politically correct friends second.

If I had to distill it all, I would say this: when confronted by queers, THINK. Good ones will let you, the bad ones will insist on doing that for you. If they do, and you are one that prefers to think for yourself - there is no good to be had in submitting to people who won't respect you for your tolerance or reciprocate it. If that is the lie of the land - your family could be dead already. There's no easy answers, there is no manual, you are on your own. Let me know how you make out if you're so inclined.

And - Best of luck to you!

Wednesday, 15 March 2017

So Ya Found My Blog, Spud...

Hey Kid.

Well, thanks for stopping by, I guess. You've probably gone back and seen the bile and venom, I suppose. For me it's largely gone now, but it's still there. Even so, I think about you every day.

I'm not surprised you found it, it's no secret really. Your mom reads it and I'm sure she rolls her eyes at the sick jokes and potty humour the same as you do. When I found yours I was just gobsmacked. We are like oil and water and while our intellects aren't carbon copies - they rhyme at times. Sucks to be you, I guess, HAR HAR HAR! Help yourself to the archives if you're so inclined, because I read your stuff too. Oh yeah - I know who you're talking to, and I know what you're saying. Doesn't bother me any more, really. If I had one question I could get an answer to though, it would be this: you had the guts to come out of the closet. You had the guts to move to another province on a shoe string. You're filled with the progressive zealotry and assured of your own righteousness - yet you haven't the courage to face your father. Or your grandparents, for that matter. What's up with that? When our family tore itself apart they came down solidly on your side. I hope you mended fences there.

Just so you know I gave your grandparents the punt. I didn't appreciate the way they were getting in the middle of this, and I sure as hell didn't like the way you manipulated them. For what it's worth, you were only 50% of what was wrong with the family - those two assholes were the other 50%. When you were small, I watched those two idiots spoiling you and coddling you and getting in the middle of our affairs - and I swear, their intent was to destroy you. Whether they succeeded or not is a matter of perspective I suppose.

We stopped talking about two years ago and I dunno if ya heard, but your Uncle Matt and Aunt Nicole got divorced. I wonder if your idiot grandparents didn't have a hand in that one too? Who knows, you probably have more knowledge than I do about that. I know they did their level best to drive a wedge into my marriage and I won't forgive them for it.

Your Mom started going to church. It's hilarious - she gets dressed up in her Sunday best and still turns heads and she's in her 50's. Sometimes I go too. It wasn't what I expected and I'm glad I go. I've even thrown the odd prayer out for you - not that you go straight and fly right - just that you're happy. God doesn't listen to me much and usually deals with my ass through Darwin and Murphy, HAR HAR HAR! Sorry if ya got any on ya.

Your path is your own, kid. I can't go with you and I wouldn't if I could. That's on me, not you, I have my own road and there's no room on it for cultural Marxism and the inverted morality that goes along with it. I still love you, and if you need us, you know where we are.


Dog F*ckers VS Dog Lovers

Holy mackaral.

How fuggin stupid are these people?

I'm a farm kid. I'm actually fairly good with animals and better than most. I've trained horses, chickens and dogs and the metrics are always the same. Good behaviour is always praised, and sometimes rewarded. Bad behaviour is always punished. Your average dog (or horse or cat) will respond well to a bag of cookies in one hand, and a spanking with the other - all they have to decide which one they want.

When I got Macey she was in the SPCA to be put down. She was about 2 years old and had behavioural problems. But because I was The World's Best Animal Handler (I'm a farm kid!) - I knew all about dogs and there's no bad behaviours that ya can't beat out of 'em, right?

Welp. Yeah. No - Macey had some real issues. She was a good girl but anything smaller than she was - was considered prey. Small dogs, cats, rabbits - if she saw one she'd try to slip her leash and go after it. And make no mistake: she fully intended to kill it. On walks she was a terror. She almost ate a Yorkie and a couple ankle biters and when she did I would slap her hard enough for my hand to hurt. She just shrugged it off and went after the next victim. Soon I was beating her ass so hard I had to quit because either she or I was going to break something. I'm not lying either, that is how bad it was. "Cookies? Shove your cookies up your ass, Filthie!"  "You call that a beating, Filthie? I can take that all day!"

One day we were out running and she saw a rabbit and lost her shit. The leash got between my feet, I went over and picked up some road rash - and I lost MY shit. I beat her again. When I got home, I got one hand on her tail, the other on her collar and I threw her in the back of the truck! That bitch was going BACK to the SPCA or out to the gun club and she wasn't coming back!!!!

God bless my wife, she got the keys to the truck away from me, talked me down, and slowly my rage started to subside and I began to think. Clearly, I wasn't taking the right tack with this dog and needed other options. The idiots at the SPCA were no help. 'Have you tried this?' Yep. "How about that?" Yup. "And what about the other thing...?" Yup...

Couple days later we did coffee with King Peter and Mary and Pete just laughed. "Glen, ya got a GREAT dog there! Your 'problem' is that she's smart, and you - maybe not so much. Buy a spikey choke collar and you're good to go!" I told Pete that he was full a shit - and he is - but I went out and forked over 20 bucks for the collar and figured I was wasting my time.

The next day she spied a little dog and went off - and I yanked on that collar HARD. She yelped and instantly submitted! I was stunned! Are you kidding?!?!? All I need is this stupid collar to make my dog behave? Three days later she minded her P's and Q's when small dogs were about. She watched the rabbits with intensity - but minded her manners. 5 days later she started to heel - that's a tough one to teach high energy/high intelligence dogs. A couple months later she was off leash altogether.

My dogs need a five commands:

Lie down

They HAVE to do those commands without any bullchit. If they are out in the road, or getting into a fight with another dog I need them to stop NOW. That's all any household pet needs, really. But lord, that girl was smart.

People started to notice and a couple offered me money to train their dogs. Hey, I only look stupid! But it felt good to be noticed that way. Pete and Mary had 'Schutzen Hounds'. The dogs are all German Shepherds and they compete in a variety of dog events like tracking, obstacle courses, obedience and what I call 'fighting and biting'. There is a name for it but it involves some idiot in pads who is a 'bad guy' and the dogs attack him, take him down and then have to withdraw when the handler calls. Macey could  have gone head to head with them on the obedience events. Not bad for an SPCA mutt, HAR HAR HAR!

That $20.00 collar saved that dog's life. Not only that, it transformed her from an unmanageable threat to a dog to be envious of. They look like vicious torture devices but are exactly what some dogs need. Today Macey is a teacher. Mort is as dumb as Macey is smart; so he pretty much does what she does and it works for everyone. If you see a dog wearing a collar like that - it's because the dog needs it and rest assured, they work. If you have to walk on glaze ice often as I do, you can't be doing that and fighting with a disobedient dog because if the owner gets hurt, that isn't good for anyone.

Once your dog has those five commands, they won't need that collar anymore. Obedient dogs are happy dogs - a lot of people don't understand that. Once a dog realizes that he can make his owner happy by doing a couple stupid tricks - he becomes happy too. Those vicious looking collars can literally be a life saver.

Sunday, 12 March 2017

No, It Wasn't Me....

Cripes, I'm 53 and I would have to restrain myself
from vandalizing that idiotic statue...

Good Christ. The fags n wanks in NYFC put up a statue of a bratty little girl in front of the Bull Of Wall Street - as a sop to feminists and a symbolic 'tribute' to female manageMINT and leadership!

And the morons beclowned themselves in that symbolic process too! That is just EXACTLY what modern feminism is about - stupid fuggin women getting in front of a raging bull and daring him to do his worst - what with their Slut Walks, Fat Acceptance and all the other bullshit that goes along with it. Even when they get trampled by life, a lot of these clucky feminists still don't get it.

It's almost worth the trip and thirty days in the can for me to drive down there and pish on on it.

Who Woulda Thunk It?

Saturday, 11 March 2017

Thoughts From The Loading Bench: Roads Not Taken

She was gonna be a light sniper; 20" Shilen match barrel, to be
pillar bedded in one of the new 'modular chassis'
stocks, etc etc.
On sale for $900.00! No cheques, Uncle Bob!!!
(At least, not YOUR cheques, HAR HAR HAR!)

I've gotten good and thoroughly lost in Gun Geek Forest. I'm serious, I dunno which way I wanna go! Awhile back sniper rifles were all the rage and I gotta admit I never had much enthusiasm for it... but all the cool kids at my club were doing it, and they're still hard at it.


Bolt guns. Synthetic stocks. Air gauged match barrels. 24X scopes. There's no soul in such guns. When you have to get the Vernier calipers out to decide who wins a shootin' match, you are in Anal Retentive Country. Seriously, real precision shooters have to be absolutely anal about their reloading and shooting and as I get older - the more I say to hell with that rattle. I would rather shoot against Gorges Grouse and his front-stuffing Spaghetti Plains Rifle than get mixed up in precision shooting! I am only in it for fun now.  And yet, selling guns goes against my grain. Somewhere along my life's road I have become a pack rat, and that galls me. I don't have room (never mind time) for all the guns I have now, and I have decided to actually start thinning the herd out a bit.

I was reading with some dismay over at Kim du Toit's blog. His wife just passed and he is de-cluttering, down sizing and preparing to move to an appropriate small apartment for the widowed senior. It's heart breaking stuff but something that's in store for all of us. In a recent post he described how he lost his chit going through his wife's cooking gear to get rid of it. I would hate for my wife to get stuck with all my ordnance and not know what to do with it.

I am keeping my Nasty Rifles, the ones that dung-eating liberals and turd brains think that only the military should have. By God, if those sumbitches ever get stupid enough to force me to use mine in anger - I'll be taking at least a dozen of them to hell with me and that's all I'm gonna say about that. The Bad Boys won't come out if everyone is nice and keeps their hands where I can see 'em. Y'all been warned.

My serious rifles though - for taking care of the insolent sportsmen and sullen stubfarts at the rod n gun club are all black powder burners now. I've shot the Retirement Rifle with smokeless loads and the new Soule Sight - and have some fussing to do. The hooded brass/case hardened front sight has interchangeable 'reticles' and I need to find one that works for my aging eyes. But preliminary shooting was very, very promising. That was using smokeless powder though... now I gotta do the same again with black powder and that's a whole new shootin' match...literally! HAR HAR HAR!

Look out! That's a 405 grain lead bullet, sitting on
70 grains of compressed black powder and a
'grease cookie' made
from bullet lube that I made m'self!

Today at coffee was awesome. My arch enemy, King Peter - was beaking off about the new .338 Lapua Magnum he just bought. Then he started flapping off about how he can now look down his long imperial nose at lesser men shooting light bullets... guys like me for instance!  'How big a bullets are ya shooting, Pete?' I asked. The knucklehead just grinned and said '300 grainers...!'

Pete was thoroughly nonplussed when I looked down my long nose at him, HAR HAR HAR!!!! My serious bullets are going to weigh in at 525 grains - I just need a warm day to melt the lead and cast them! :)

So, I suppose I should be happy at the prosepect of getting rid of a rifle I don't use, right? Problem is that once I sell it I'll just spend the money on the ones I keep! The cool kids at the club are gonna be unhappy too... not only will I be sneering down my nose at them, they will have to put up with the rancid stench of burnt black powder and the smoke too!

I don't think I am gonna miss that bolt gun one bit!  :)

Friday, 10 March 2017

Upland Bird Hunting With Filthie: Try To Keep Up

Your SMV Test Results Are Back, Boys

No, not STD results, you morons, SMV - which stands for Sexual Market Value. In other words we all find out what we're worth to the ladies in terms of our manliness! Don't any of you retards read the manosphere? Of course, I'm not shocked at the results myself, but some of you may be. This data comes from the internet's biggest fag and gamma male - Vox Day. I suspect this may be one of those 'stopped clocks being right twice a day' scenarios.

In any event Amazon lists the most popular heroes and themes for romance novels that women like to read:

Soooooo - let's just see how the local blogging celebs stack up on that list, shall we?

Alpha Males: Wirecutter? World Famous Author & Adventurer WL Emery? Who woulda thunk it?
BBW: Big Beautiful Women? (Don't anyone say anything about this one if ya like breathing)
BIKERS: BW Bandy, Glenfilthie (I don't think anybody's surprised by this).
Cowboys: I don't think we have any of those here
Criminals And Outlaws: Gorges Grouse, Mad Jack, Pete Forester, possibly Quartermain
Doctors: I think Borepatch has a doctorate in ... something. He's a smart bugger anyways
Firefighters: Fire fighters, idiots. Most of us are firebugs and pyros...
Highlanders: Toirt....Turtle.... Turdie... Dammit, that boy from The Forty-Five blog. TB!
Pirates: N/A
Royalty & Aristocrats: King Charlie of Coopville. (Not bad for a chicken).
Spies: My Russian fans can fuggoff! I AM CANADIAN. Go hack the Americans! Sheeesh!
Vikings: Same as BBW above. Mind your tongue boys, and we'll all live through this.
Wealthy: HA! HAR HAR HAR!!! In your FACE, Uncle Bob! You're LAST on the list!!!   :) :)

I gotta think about the themes we would most likely find ourselves embroiled in. Senility is not on the list for some reason, but I think most of us could slip in under the wire for 'Amnesia' right? I'm sure we all have had the issues with leaving the terlet seat up, forgetting to replace the TP. 'Medical' and possibly 'Workplace' will encompass the rest of us.

So? The way I look at it we all did pretty good! It's been a quiet, cold, but steady 5 days up in Alberta's oilsands, and I am going home today. So now, if you'll excuse me, I am gonna clean up my hotel room, pack, and take CW's open road home!

If it makes ya feel any better - CW didn't make that list either.  ;) Have a good Friday.

Thursday, 9 March 2017

The Prince Of Pot...

...has been busted.


What a fuggin moron. I don't think he cares about pot so much as he does about giving the cops the finger.

About two years ago we did an informal survey at work. At the time we had about 12 employees and only 3 of us didn't use pot. The rest of the staff did and their ages varied from the late teens to early 60's. I can tell a heavy user when I see one. They're not retards, but most of 'em are quite a bit slower on the uptake than your average man. Their lives tend to be trainwrecks too and make my family situation look sane. The older ones never seem to have money but they always have money for grass.

Having said all that I know a lot of nice folks that dabble in it. My older brother does and my neighbours do and a few bloggers I know do too. They're fine, upstanding straight shooting folk that smoke pot and they don't care what me or the cops think about it - but they are careful to be discrete and respectful. How can ya have a problem with that?

This blithering idiot Canadian Prime Minister
supports legalization, which should give any rational adult (and
most brighter children) pause for thought. Unlike 'Blow Job' Bill Clinton,
Young Master Turdo not only inhaled when he smoked it as a kid,
he bent over and sucked cack afterward too! HAR HAR HAR!!!

I might be convinced to go along with legalization while holding my nose against the stench. Most users I know are not addicts but let us be honest about it all and say this about that: this shit isn't a harmless weed nor is it good for ya. The shit they're selling in BC has 20 times the THC levels as the crap the stupid kids were smoking 20 years ago. Nor is there going to be any real way to tax it and regulate it when every second moron can grow this crap in their basement.

My real problem isn't the shit - although it's there. It's the numbers of liberal idiots that have skin in this game. Anything these idiots get behind inevitably turns to shit. I think that when we liberalize and legalize it, the crack cocaine addicts will come crawling out of the wood work to get their recreational pharmaceuticals legalized too. Then the LSD zombies, and other addicts will follow them. I think we're going to see a lot more wrecked young people too. Yannow, they are always the first to take it in the shorts when liberals meddle with law. This stuff IS a gateway drug the same way beer is for alcoholics. What REALLY blows me away is how the health Nazis can poop their pants in rage over tobacco - and go silent as church mice on this shit. Suit yourselves, I guess.

But everything is a double edged blade. Abortion? Why, yes, I think it IS a good thing for liberals to abort their children because most of them are too gawddamned dumb to raise them anyways. Homosexuality and HIV? That one kills liberals by the bushel so there's merit in that too! Hopefully legal weed will help liberals destroy themselves too.

As for me, I don't really care anymore. These idiots can go do to themselves what they're going to do and I will just stock up on ammo and popcorn. I won't even say. "Toldjya so...." when the inevitable consequences of this set in.

Life is a crapshoot and ya play the hand yer dealt.

It Passes.

Toird...Turdie...TB over at The Forty-Five seems to be facing a bridge too far.

I think everyone has moments like that and for me they kinda provide a measure of awareness. I look at the iceburgs and disasters of my life wondering what would have happened if I had had the sense to avoid them - and it gives me a sense of perspective with which to view my fellow tool-using super apes: they're in the same boat.

It's all too easy for a guy to internalize chit like that and beat himself up with it. It's easy to see others doing it but it's different when ya do it to yourself.

Damn straight.
Do they make boards in man's XL? I'll need a high tensile strength rope.
BW's scoot won't pull a load like that without blowing
the engine; maybe he can pilot my rocket powered Kawasaki cruiser? Chit,
that thing'll probly blow too! Uncle Bob's Lotus
sports car should give us the speed...

Sometimes kids make better role models than the adults do. They don't worry about crap like this.

Take The Poll Or Else

I am sidelined today with administrative stuff. That's the way sales works, ya go out, visit the customers but then get bogged down by all the stuff ya bring up and ya make more work for yourself!


So I was monkeying around with the blog and noticed a poll gizmo - it comes up at the bottom of the blog, way down there where the innocent women and civilians won't see it.

I dunno if it works - take this privacy violating poll if you're so inclined and we'll see. Maybe I'll put a serious one down there one day.

Musings On A Cold Winter Night

Hmpffff! Says it's -33C out right now up here in Fort Mac. Lord, I am sick of winter. I can't bitch, really, we had a very mild winter. The problem with that is a fella gets acclimatized to that and squeals like a piglet when real winter temps hit. Bah - it's supposed to warm up next week so I'll stop whining.

We finally broke down and bought a little camper trailer awhile back. Part of me is utterly disgusted with myself; I used to love camping all year round in a tent and regarded RV's and trailers for old farts and invalids. Welp... now I'm 53 and my bones don't fit the ground like they used to. The camper we bought has all terrain suspension so I'm hoping I can boondock it on crown land in the back country and spend the summers camping and shooting my black powder guns miles away from the neurotic seniors and bedwetters that infest the public campgrounds with their hookups and such. Our tiny camper has a stove, a microwave, a fridge and all kinds of stuff I don't need. I do like the idea of a furnace, room to stand, and a table for cards and reading. But I will still tarp up and spend most of my time outside in all but the worst weather.

I've seen the old folks with the big pusher motorhomes, towing small vehicles behind and although that doesn't appeal to me in the slightest, I thought it might be a good idea to have maybe a small trail bike along in case the wife wants to go into town or I want to check out the surrounding lay of the land.

That's the Honda Big Rukus with a mighty 50cc motor. If I buy
it the first thing I'll do is race BW Bandy for pink slips.  :)

Something like that would be ideal for putt-putting around the campsite and maybe for short sight seeing on residential and secondary roads. It's small so the wife could easily handle it too. It's got a 4 cycle engine so it should be nice and quiet if a guy is careful.

I had to laugh. The kids are pimping these things out, to impress the
chicks, no doubt. It's a thing now.

Maybe it won't happen this year... but at some point it will.  I just wonder if a guy can get one of those carriers mounted on the back of the trailer...?

It's something warm to think about when it's cold and miserable outside.

Wednesday, 8 March 2017

Filthie Robotics Inc.

With the preliminary tests successful, I cannot see
why this technology wouldn't be able to be adapted and implemented
on an industrial scale at Filthie's Speakeasy.
It would be perfect for the more obnoxious customers...

This Is Why Your Balls Are In A Bag, Men...

Who Is Jane Gault?

Aaaaaaahhhhh. Looks like we got the day off, boys, while the clot headed cnuts the ladies take the day off to go bitch, HAR HAR HAR!!!!

I went back to school as a mature student in 1990's. I couldn't get a decent job for love or money and the economy was in major recession. When I started there were 125 of us, and when we finished there were about 75. My marks weren't bad but they weren't stellar - about smack dab in the middle of the upper third of that year's class. At the placement centre, there were about six of what I would call 'serious, career enhancing job offers' for graduate students. Think about that for a second.

6 job opportunities. For 75 students that just sunk years and a small fortune into training themselves for a better job.

What the hell, I can't complain, the Alberta recession was in it's final few years, and there just weren't enough good jobs to go round. In any event, the disposition of those jobs was determined in fairly short order. 2 went to the only two women in our class. 3 went to the three natives. That left one job for the rest of us - which went to a white male who had the highest marks in the class. That was in 1995. Tell me all about discrimination and oppression, chickie.

In '03 I took a job with a major instrumentation and automation company. When they decided they needed an office inside sales manager, my 8 years experience meant nothing. They gave the job to a 20 something bubble gummer with a rack of fake tits, and a mouth like a trucker. At the time I thought she had maturity issues but later learned she was on anti-depressants. Had I not quit, she would have made A LOT of extra work for me and possibly a few job-related ulcers and strokes. I quit a couple weeks later and a year later I had heard that the company had gone through a mass layoff - and that my bubblegummer boss was one of the only survivors.

When I was a boy Grandma used to complain bitterly that a woman had to be twice as good as a man to be considered for and to retain the same job. Today, she only has to be half as good and we have the economy to show for it too.

I've seen the feminism induced train wrecks in marriages, in the workplace and in the family. Like everyone else, I remember the complaints of first wave feminists 40 years ago - and see the world they created today. I'm not happy with it, they're OBVIOUSLY not happy with it, and it's high time to push back. Fact is, if a woman told me she was taking the day off to protest working conditions for women today - I would fire her ass in a heartbeat. When I was a kid I would have killed for a good job and all these women can do is bitch about theirs and play office politics.

Looks like somebody's on the rag again....
Just so ya know, Corporate North America: the idea of
business is to make a buck - not create a pulpit
for diseased vaginal derelicts like this.

The way to handle women like Ashley here is simple - GET RID OF THEM. These idiots will make train wrecks of their own lives and will gleefully do the same to you, your family and your workplace if you let them. I've seen the world these shrieking skanks are making, and the wretched lives they are making for themselves... and I want no part of it. As I've related in these pages before, my daughter is a militant lesbian social justice warrior. My mother in law was a loud, domineering clueless idiot that wore the pants in her family and presumed to do it in mine. There are times I wish that I could do something to bring the family back together - but you can't appease or mollify stupidity. You can only tolerate it and if you do - ultimately, you will deserve what you get for deferring to stupid people. These people will never be happy, they'll never get what they want, and they'll never take responsibility for their own unhappiness. It will always be YOUR fault.

Ashley is a case in point - she must be a millionaire... she can do anything she wants... and all she can do is whine and bitch? A day without feminists will be a good one any way ya cut it, HAR HAR HAR!

Tuesday, 7 March 2017

The Ice Spiders Of Fort McMurray

When I was a kid we had this mickey mouse winter camping thing for physed. I liked winter camping well enough but haven't done it in years. In any event we had some black kid as a foreign exchange student with us, and of course he immediately fell prey to the wankers who started creeping him out about ghastly 'snow snakes' and ice spiders and such. The wanks did a masterful job of it too; even I got the willies listening to their chilling tales - and I knew what they were up to!

Later on in the night one of 'em let out a ghastly scream that woke everyone up and a couple of the others started gobbling in fright about how one of their buddies got carried off into the night by a massive Ice Spider and that poor black kid looked like he was about to fill his diaper with fright.

I was just furious about being woken up in the middle of the night so I pelted one of 'em with a snow ball and went back to bed. And of course, our missing camper unfortunately turned up safe and sound the next morning.

If there actually WERE such a thing as Ice Spiders I suspect they would look like this and eat Jap skidoos and vegan cross country skiers.

Urgent Public Service Announcement For The Ladies

When we were kids that had just started going out in high school I told my (then) girlfriend that I would really really really like one of these:

That's a Savage 99 lever gun. I don't think they make these anymore.
I wanted on in my favourite smokeless calibre - .308

I expected her to tell me to get stuffed but she never even blinked. 'Then I'll buy you one!' she declared. I just smirked because back in the 80's, these things went for just under $400.00 beans and that was a princely sum for kids working for three bucks an hour and change.

A couple months later she pulled me aside and declared that we needed to go to Simpson Sears to buy it - she had finally gotten the money together. I couldn't believe it! I forbade it at the time, we had just started going steady and I was afraid that she would regain her senses and I would get the punt - and I would have hated to have her spend that kind of money on me under the circumstances. She was an industrious, focused little lady back then to amass such a fortune. I think we were 16 or 17 back then. And she loved me more than I knew.

Today our marriage is better than most and when I ask her to buy me a gun she tells me to get stuffed! Hmmmm. Our anniversary is coming up... I think I will buy her a mop....

I Prepare To Make War On The Fools Of Coopville

The first of my eeeeeevil Army Of The Night come to my call!
King Charlie will fall to the Forces Of Evil.
Today, Coopville, tomorrow, the WORLD!

This cheeky little bugger sat on my window looking for a treat this morning. All I have is coffee. I rolled down the window a bit to see if he would spook - but he made as if to come in the truck! HAR HAR HAR!

The raven is a powerful totem animal for natives and wagon burners. If I remember my lore correctly, he is seen as a good sort, but a ruthless prankster. I can see why - this fellow had a buddy pecking at the ground underneath and he just shat on him, HAR HAR HAR! Oh yeechttt!!!

I'm going to ask Chicken Mom if I can keep him...

Game For Old Guys

A gentleman blogger recently posted a rightful post about the toxic idea of young men gaming young women by taking advantage of their semantic blind spots. It is possible, only in the most superficial ways - with low women and tire biters.

For us older fellas though - especially those of us in the 'dirty old man' demographic - any advantage must be pounced upon and capitalized!

Don't stand up though - or yer pants will fall down.
Suspenders are an excellent idea
as a man ages

Morose Tuesday Thoughts

The Artificial Intelligence geeks are closing in on passing grades for the Turing Test. If I understand it correctly, they pass the test when an unsuspecting human can talk with a machine for longer than 15 minutes without realizing they are talking to a machine. Likewise, the Filthie Test lasts about 15 minutes too - and at least 50% of the women subjected to it fail it within the first 5 minutes. That's generally how long it takes me to realize that I am talking to an idiot. Another 25% will fail it in the remaining time allotment. 10% wills skate along the borderline of my patience and the only reason I listen to them is that they are capable of getting things right once in awhile. The rest - when they speak I shut my pie hole and listen. Most of 'em are smarter than I am and have had more respectable life experiences than I have. Hmpfff - most of 'em are older than I am too. I know, right? Who woulda thunk that a blogger that specializes in fart jokes and out house commentary - could be an intellectual snob? HAR HAR HAR!

Brig is one of those ladies. I didn't say anything in the comments, there are plenty of distinguished and respectable bloggers there to support her - there always is over there, I suppose. When I drop by I just listen to my moral and intellectual superiors do their thing. (I say that seriously, with respect). What a wonderful daughter: the old boy can lean on her as he braces for that last long journey and she stays positive and strong for him. Having your ashes spread over an old hunting camp? That is a farewell fit for a king! I love that picture of those kings in their glory days when the biggest care was having enough rabbits for the pot, and having enough shells for the rabbits. From where I sit, that old boy has lived well and he'll die well too. It doesn't get any better than that for us guys and no bones about it.

My daughter was a stupid and difficult child and today she's a stupid and difficult adult. My ashes will probly end up in a land fill or at the bottom of an outhouse somewhere (a fitting final resting place, given my sense of humour). Whatever - ashes are only ashes and when I go my soul goes to it's Maker and my heart to the winds. So it goes for all of us.

I sincerely believe that these difficult and painful journeys ultimately end well, and I wish Brig and her Pop all Godspeed.

Monday, 6 March 2017

Ladies' Men

Kim du Toit examines the intricacies of 'trading up' in marriage. It's a difficult read, given that his wife recently passed away. I happen to agree with Kim, I have precision ground 'wife goggles' that fit my prescription to a 'tee'.

Unca Bob expounds on his ability to charm the ladies without resorting to 'Game' or lame pick up strategies employed by the chads and so-called pick-up artists.  He's right too. The ladies are every bit as smart and cagey as you are fellas, and if you try to game them it's entirely likely that YOU will end up being the one that gets played for the fool. Charm and Game are two very different things. One is real, observable and good - the other is a pant load of crap pedalled by low men to even lower men. I have never been possessed of either Game or charm myself.

Unlike Bob and Kim I am in no position to lecture young men on the fairer sex.

I'm old.

I'm fat n' ugly.

I fart loudly in my sleep and smell bad.

And yet - I'm gonna be 53 this year - and I still get love letters from my girl. We've been a couple now for 36 years.

I got back from Dawg Patrol this morning and had to scramble. I had
to pack quickly and drive up to Ft. Mac for my monthly week long
business trip... and found a love letter beside the 'puter before
I closed it up and left.
I put it in my shirt pocket, close to my heart and took it with me.

No game. No style. No class. No charm. And yet, by the grace of God, here I am, with an intact marriage that is better than it ever has been, even when we were kids. And this, in the midst of an extended family that has torn itself to shreds and shards. There cannot be a more unqualified man to offer advice on the fairer sex than Yours Truly - but clearly, I've done something right. Here's my two bits, for what they're worth in regards to women:

  • Don't take shortcuts. Take the long way round from time to time - you'll be surprised at what you see.
  • Don't take the easy way out. In difficult times take the right way out.
  • Respect your woman AND yourself.

That's it. That's all I got! Not very inspiring, is it...?

Now, if y'all excuse me - I have to reply to this note.  :)

Posted Without Comment

Because I wouldn't wanna be accused of racism dontchya know...

Gun Porn: It Doesn't Get Any Better Than This

I don't sully my mind with filthy internet porn
the way perverts like WL, BW, and Pete F. do, I only post this
as a public service to warn viewers about the kinds of deviants out there -
even in the gun community!
Now - that's what I call a Gang Bang!


Uncle Bob got beat up a lot as a kid... and I suppose I
shouldn't gloat because I did too!
(Usually by momma's boys like Bob).
Oh well, if you're gonna get punched out and bullied - ya
may as well deserve it! HAR HAR HAR!!!

Saturday, 4 March 2017

Filthie's All Request Saturday Speakeasy

Well that's that for the jukebox.

Somehow some pickled eggs fell into its innards, and it got stuck on '40 Days' - and that's all it would play. Be damned if I know how the eggs got in there, I'm the only one that eats them round here and they've been up on the bar since the Reagan Administration at least. In any event, after the machine played '40 days' for the 643rd time - WL lost his chit and put a bullet through it and finished it off for good! On behalf of the management, I would like to thank WL and assure him we will reimburse him for his ammunition costs!

In lieu of the jukebox, we've drug out the wifi, skype and internet gizmos so that we can take and play requests instead! Necessity is the mother of invention!

So - we have our first request, courtesy of BW Bandy whose gal is also an intrepid explorer and logs as miles as he does! For our special explorers on the long road trips:

Flak jackets, everyone! WL is losing it again...!

This next one comes from George W. Bush and is for his two favourite fan boys - Uncle Bob Wallace and Yours Truly! (Don't tell Bob - but I've been writing ex-president George W Bush long adoring fan letters and on some of them I've been signing Bob's name, HAR HAR HAR! HAR HAR HAR!) President Bush writes back:

Dear boys - as a former president I can only express my heartfelt gratitude for your unwavering support of my very difficult administration. This song goes out to you, from Rummy, Cheney, Barb and most expecially - from me!

Your pal,


Don't take off those flak jackets! Now Uncle Bob's losing it!!!!

Dubya, Colin James, Uncle Bob and Glen Filthie agree: it doesn't matter how many filthy Iraqies have to die to fuel our Hummers and 4x4's!!! Thank you for thinking of us, Mr. President!

This next one is a request from the owner and proprietor of the Thunderbox - Yours Truly! Like Uncle Bob, Bruce Springsteen is a political putz but pretty cool otherwise. And - he's written a song that is just perfect for my wife and I.

We're older, slower tramps now ... but we're still runnin...  :)

Don't Count On It

Even miraculous duct tape has its

Saturday Morning Dawg Patrol

I love March in Alberta because it's unpredictable and could run from +8C that we got yesterday - to -13C today with blowing winds and big fluffy flakes of snow. Today we went out to the roughest part of town: Centennial Park.

Centennial Park is bordered by a bunch of senior's apartments and as you can imagine, the Park is infested with them and is a hive of senior delinquency. It requires constant vigilance to maintain the peace and regular patrol and law enforcement by the Crime Fighting Super Heroes - Captain Sweatpants And His K9 Cohorts!

My vicious dawgs look for dead bodies in the underbrush...

It's a weird day. It's only minus 13C but the wind chill must drag that down into the -20s. Ya can't see it but there' flurries of snow going on, and the roads are covered over so nobody knows where the lanes are and half the assholes are splitting the difference and driving in the middle! We got to the Park and deployed for Dawg Patrol.

I let the dogs off leash today. Usually the roving seniors get bent about dogs off leash and one old fart always tells me that 'he's with by law enforcement, and if he catches me one more time with my dogs off leash, he'll give me a ticket!!!'. He's about 80 years old and I know he's full a shit but I always play along and grovel and snivel for mercy - and he gets off on the power trip or something. It was a safe bet he wouldn't be out today so we had the run of the place.

We know Mort is a dawg and not an Abominable Snow Ape
because we shaved him in the spring and it
turned out that he does not have opposable thumbs on his feet
like the rest of us.
Gah - he stinks like an old urinal though, so
he may be an ape/dawg hybrid.

Everything started out well but went to hell fast. Every year I usually slip and fall on the ice about 3 times. This year I only did it once and was hoping like hell to set a personal record. I have been walking extra careful hoping to prevent any falls until the ice melts in April.


Yesterday was +8 and everything melted. Today the ice is a perfect glaze. On top of that, nice fluffy snow lowers the coefficient of friction to close to zero! I did a face plant half way around the walk and posted this so that my readers could sympathize with my plight and feel sorry for me. (The Usual Supsects are cautioned that inappropriate laughter is deeply hurtful and offensive and may result in frivolous lawsuits). "That's okay," I told myself - two falls in the spring is still pretty good! I can still set a personal record if I'm careful!" And of course, about a harfanhour later I slipped and fell on my ass again! Shit! Shit shit shit!!!!! I still have a month and a half to go so 2017 is probably going to be a write off as far as Walking And Talking And Chewing Bubble Gum is concerned. I woulda taken a pic of that too but my cell phone froze up and shut down.

Macey rocks n rolls in the cooool, soothing delicious snow.

So we got back to the car and my ass was full of ice and melting snow. Of course we're driving in the wife's little RAV and what happens? The car warms up, and then the windshield goes *pop* and a big fuggin crack runs from one side of the car to the other! Grrrrrrrr!!!!! How's that for a fine 'F*** you Filthie!' from Ol' Man Winter? The wife is gonna have a bird when she sees that!

Bah! At least we got out. If I can I'll be back to open up Filthie's Saturday Speakeasy. Have yourselves a good weekend everyone.