Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Saturday, 14 July 2018

King Peter's Ammo Dump

I cobbled it together out of scraps I had lying around. I started it last winter and just couldn't get round to finishing it like I should have. It's all hand stitched by a local hare lipped retard artist and there's no question it will work as advertised... but at least now I have a template to work from to make a better one.

From Uncle Bob's Porn Stash: Feminem Fatalie

Ever the scholar and teacher - even when he dabbled in porn, Uncle Bob did so with an educational intent. It's the same way many men read Playboy, Penthouse and Hustler - purely for the articles that expand the intellect.

History is replete with good men ruined by low and fallen women. How many otherwise good and  virtuous men were seduced by sneaky, sultry socialist seductresses? We will never know.

What we DO know is that there IS a God, and those that conspire against the forces of niceness and righteousness will eventually reap the whirlwind. Time is cruel; beauty is superficial and fleeting, and eventually ... that what lies underneath is eventually exposed. Ask yourself - what hell have these men consigned their souls to - after they married their communists?

The fate of her pathetic husband: to be forever mocked here and in
the underworld as
Wilhelm Von Blowjob

Who is the wife and who is the man
in such sordid relationships?
This commie and it's life partner will never know...

Justice is colour blind; it will not be thwarted
by political correctness.
Death and oblivion would be a mercy
to the man that married this communist.

And so it goes. I can go on, posting pictures of revolting communists, each more hideous and ghastly than the last!

Michell Obama

Stretch Pelosi

Deb Wasserman Whatserface…

I post this mostly in jest, but partly in all seriousness too. When you younger men are lost in the beauty of that smoking hot 20 year old bombshell that looks like she was put together by angels but has the politics of the devil - welp, this is what she's going to look like sooner rather than later. Let's play it backwards. Here are what some of the current crop of communist shrews looked like in their youth:

That's Chrissie Hyndes of the Pretenders

Madonna. I've heard she's done things with
her vagina that involve Volkswagens.
She has the looks to show for it today.

Jane Fonda I admit she's aged rather well
compared to the rest of this lot...
but she's crazier than a shithouse rat.

Errr… where was I going with this rant, anyway? Sometimes I dunno whether to take myself seriously or not! Whatever! I hope this serves as a stark reminder to our younger men: think with the big head, be clean and virtuous (like me) - and have a good Saturday!  :)

Friday, 13 July 2018

Got Written Up At Work Today

All I did was my job. My customer was having a day, he couldn't get his poop in a group for love or money, so I called him up to help. He was so messed up I did a massive reset: I had him send over his requirments, then a list of what he wanted for them, and then created a list of what he needed and explained why he needed it. Afterward, we swapped a few rude jokes and I was on to my next task without thinking twice about it.

Another email popped up a short time later with a nice little order with it, in which the client thanked me for all the help with the previous order - and here was another by way of thanks. He copied my managers on it too, and they sent along their compliments as well.

Yannow I think it must be close to 7 years since I've been recognized like that at work.

7 years. And I didn't even do that much.

For the last year and a half I spent most of my time daring the management to fire me and when they didn't - I fired them, HAR HAR HAR!!! In all that negativity and adversarial maneuvering, in giving it my best shot and getting shat on for my efforts - I just plumb forgot what it was like to be treated like a white man.

It's a little thing, but it made my day. Old farts can be mighty easy to please sometimes.

Hope y'all have a great weekend lined up.

Presented Without Comment

Thursday, 12 July 2018

Stopped Clocks

… are still right twice a day.

Pervert Tests I Have Failed

Yeah right - like any a you goofs are gonna pass this, right?
What's the first word that pops into your mind?
C'mon hotshot - the clock's ticking...!!!

Obama? Visiting Africa?

I wonder who got the worst of it: the men
or the baboon?

I think we were all on a bender and can't remember who said it. Probly Jack or Pete - they're raycissss!! But the joke goes like this:

So Obutthole walks into a bar with a colourful parrot on his shoulder and the barkeep goes, "Hey! Is that ever cool!!! Where didjya get it?"

And the parrot goes, "Africa! They're all over the place!"

I'm here all week! Try the veal!

Money Men

Up here in Canada we are going gangbusters to legalize weed. Our gubbimint is going to get into pushing drugs while trying to tell everyone not to smoke tobacco. Hey - I only live here, this stuff makes sense to liberal morons and they assure us they know exactly what they're doing.

Only in Canada, eh...? Pity...

The big money men I know are going all in. These guys are stock market hotshots and they piss me off. Flapz' dad, in his 70's, decides his mansion needs a new roof so the guy shovels a few barrels a money around, goes for the quick flip - and he's 25 grand up and the roof is paid for! He's an ex banker and he knows his stuff. He is shrewd and talented enough to play for the short game and he has brains, nerves of steel and ice water for blood. Flapz' father in law is even more shrewd and he is all in on pot. I know those two guys will be all out at just the right moment without leaving a dime of  money on the table while everyone else is losing their shirts when the bubble pops. They're both millionaires a couple times over.

I am torn on weed; I don't think putting more shit in front of our kids to get in trouble with is especially bright - but after my own kid I am not in a position to look down my nose at anybody else's I guess. I've always been a hard ass about stuff like this - I see it as a habit for idiots and degenerates but I know a lot of good folks that do it on a recreational basis so whadda I know?

The social consequences and the arguments aside I just can't see this as a viable business. Any idiot can (and does) grow this shite at home. From what I've heard the quality is superior too. Our gov't is building an entirely new bureaucracy to legislate this idiocy and the overhead is going to be massive. I can't help but think the tax payers and the slow pokes invested in this f-tardery - are going to take it in the shorts.

As for me, if I am going to get wasted, I think I'll just continue to do it as I've always done. I am not going to bother with weed at this stage of my life, thanks - I'll leave that to losers like Justin Turdo in his pink feminist socks. I will invest in malt, peat, and oak and do it like a grown up.

Have a great Friday!

Wednesday, 11 July 2018

Retard Taxidermy Shop

Recently Wirecutter was bragging about a shot he made on a yodeller - about a mile away or thereabouts - and asked us and our fledgling company to do the honours with the taxidermy. Of course when the other big gun bloggers found out about our new enterprise - they all wanted in too! I have a trophy Dall Sheep from WL Emery, a Cape Buffalo from Kim du Toit, a world record Alaskan moose from Jack, and I think that Boone & Crocket antelope belongs to either ASM or Borepatch. Be patient, men! Good work is worth the wait! In any event - for now, feast your eyes on the fine work we did for WC!

Great work Pete. Nice attention to detail!
WC will be thrilled!

Good work like this doesn't come cheap.
Our clientele is very exclusive and caters only the most discriminating 
of customers. I did that one myself - it embodies
CW's "Stare of the predator" dontchya think?

I'll bet Harold Flashman is glad tat he
didn't do a rug mount with this one, eh?
A full body mount  like this allows you to share your love
of the sport with everyone around you!

If you should happen to luck out in the 2018 hunting season, be sure to look us up for all your taxidermy needs! You won't be sorry! Good luck on the draws boys!

Spot The Bachelor

One of the problems of having a fabulous cook for a wife (aside from massive weight gain) is that you never learn to cook yourself. I am deeply envious of guys like BW and BP who can whip up a curry or a seafood medley out of thin air and match it to the proper wine and impress their gals with their sophisticated culinary skill.

If my woman ever regains her sense of sight and smell, and I find myself single … I hope there are women out there that can get by on hot dogs and food that comes in cans.

The Theory Of Natural Selection

Evolution is one of those things that was drilled into me as a kid at school. Those stupid, idiotic Christians had some problem with it only because it mocked their invisible friend in the sky! Only an idiot would go against science!

And as an adult, when I actually started questioning these enlightened scientific citizens about evolution - I started finding serious flaws in their methods. Serious scientific flaws they should have seen themselves, and would have addressed if they were supposedly real scientists and intellectually honest. And of course, once you question their integrity you have to question everything else and all their work gets called into question. Scientists, like religious leaders, are nothing without integrity. Have you kicked an environmentalist in the balls today? HAR HAR HAR!

I suppose now there three things ya never discuss in polite company: politics, religion,

Poetry Corner: I Am A Man Of Scholarly And Literary Pursuits

Stop that laughing, damn you all!!! I will NOT tolerate any disputation of my cultural and literary authority!


Harumpfffff!!! Now - before I was so RUDELY interrupted - I used to read voraciously. That was back in the days before the invention of 71 genders, cultural fascism, and copycat, paint-by-number derivative plots n' themes featuring bland, unlikeable affirmative action heroes and villains. Most of my reading was schlock paperback thrillers, sci-fi and the odd chit house horror novels. You could still get original stuff in those days, before the industry was taken over by vinegar drinking cat ladies and whored out to commies and lesbians. I read a few classics here and there too - and am taking recommendations on those in the comments if you're so inclined. Thanks in advance for your kindness and consideration.

There are two areas of literature that have yet left my soul parched and dry: the short story, and poetry.

Short stories for me have been hit and miss - with far, far more misses than hits. In fairness that is the hardest genre to write. I have seen maybe a half dozen stories that reached out and kicked me in the head the way their authors intended. I haven't read one author that can do that with any sort of regularity - until a couple months ago. Jess can do it easily. He can just conjure up characters that are people that I've known all my life and love - yet haven't met yet (if that makes any sense). I present, for your enjoyment and delectation, the spectacular Columbo. As a boy growing up shooting at small game I learned the shame of poor marksmanship and needless suffering on little critters. If I blew a shot I moved heaven and earth to finish the job and put critters out of their pain. I did it without thinking about it; and after reading that story... maybe it is something I should have thought more about. I hope Jess keeps writing. It's worth your time.

Poetry in this country is currently a foppish chit show featuring illiterate cretins and poseurs like yours truly that seriously have no talent at all. Most of it is an utter waste of time. My eyes glaze over at the reams of doggerel spewing from the phoney finks and faggots putting on the airs of the artist. And somehow, a quiet blogger like TB can blow them all out of the water with only three lines. Who'da thunk it? A Scottish warrior poet, dispensing with his competition wielding line and verse with the precision of a Samurai katana?

Of course I cannot let these gentlemen walk away with their vast talent unchallenged. I submit, for your consideration, a thought provoking and introspective poem of my own that I am sure you'll all enjoy. It has it's roots in the history of my ancestors - also noble Scots. Ladies and gentlemen, if I may have your undivided attention!  *Ahem*


Sunny has the shits again
Ah cannae use the cludgie

He's perched upon the toilet seat - 
half man, half giant budgie

Ah told ya, Sunny,
Ya shouldnae huv the lukewarm Tandoori mince;
So finish

Before Ah kark mah breeks
And give the toilet bowl a rinse.

Wasn't that beautiful? Eh? Eh??? Okay I admit it! I stole that but can't remember where I got it! If the owner of that fine piece should ever happen across these pages, I will gladly give full credit where credit is due. Thank you, whoever you are, for a good belly laugh.

I hear that World Famous Explorer, Adventurer And Man About Town - WL Emery - has a new book out too. I have to set up the new iPad with kindle or whatever it is so I can buy it and read that too. 

If any of you have an artistic steak in you - The Thunderbox is always at your service.

Have a good Thursday.


I have learned more in the last 8 years than I have at probably any other time of my life. Watching my family tear itself apart, losing and finding a new job, coming to an uneasy peace with a new faith I may not be fit to carry... I learned a few things about doors, both opening them and closing them. I've had my heart broken three times by people I love but each time the hurt becomes less and less. To be fair the people that did that were suffering from their own problems and demons and maybe broken hearts of their own. I suppose I did well, managing to make it well into my 50's with an intact heart. Many men don't make it half as long as I did.

One of the biggest lessons I've learned is that some doors are probably just better left shut. 

Tuesday, 10 July 2018

No, That's Not Me...

… but you'd be correct to suspect it.

This getting-old-thing blows.

Sometimes I still forget that I'm a stupid old fart. Couple weekends ago I bought a 48 pack of beer... and it's been riding around in my truck ever since. Why, when I was a kid, I would a slammed half of it down in one go, and then pished in Quartermain's face from three counties away! And that in a strong head wind too! Then I'd puke all over my girlfriend's shoes, your shoes, your girlfriend's shoes, her friend's shoes - and still have enough left over for the hedge!

But today if I drink more than 5 my weekend is pooched. I just started a new job this year so I won't get any vacation time - so I bought myself some cigars for my summer blow out instead. I have to be careful with that because I quit smoking 9 years ago and I figured I'd get hooked again if I smoked too many. Fat chance of that; I smoked a tin of 10 and finished them off the other day... and I am happy to go back on the wagon, thanks. My lungs won't take much of that either.

Oh well, it's not like I don't have better things to do with my money.

I Dunno What That Is

But I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of it!

I can see why people think the US captured space aliens and their technology. I believed it too when they brought out those F111's and bombed the chit out of Iraq with flying triangles. Now I am hearing talk of a Space Force.

I wonder what that will look like.

But He Died Honourably...

The Yank That Stole Christmas

I'm sorry everyone! But I've started reading the mainstream media again because of the entertainment value. The other day some 40+ fat, ugly cat lady was in the nooz bragging that she was old, childless and happy - and why won't you any a you arseholes believe her?!?! HAR HAR HAR!!!

I was going to tell a certain blogger lady that her infatuation
with chickens was misplaced and would be better invested in cats.
I'd scarcely got a word out edgewise when a mass of angry poultry came
after me and I was forced to take to my heels.
All I got from my altruistic efforts was a painful hen pecking.

Today the finks in the Financial Post are deeply concerned that Trump's Trade War is going to RUIN Christmas for everyone. What are you stupid Yanks gonna do when you can't get your cheap Chinese junk from Canada anymore, hmmmmm? You'll be RUINED, that's what! And that eeeeeevil Trump will come crawling into Ottawa, begging Turdo La Doo and his wise liberals for forgiveness, no doubt!

Hmmmm. I think the college kids responsible for this
are probably grads from Uncle Bob's.

… and racists... and sexists... and homophobes.
The Z Man calls it "The Four Bads".

I know I shouldn't enjoy watching the mass media and the left in general losing their minds. Laughing at idiots is all well and good... but these people are seriously deranged and they are becoming more violent as a result. They believe their own bullshit, and those are the most dangerous loons of all. The common Trumpster sentiment is, "Are you tired of winning yet?" to which the answer is always "No!" It's easy to lose sight of the situation amidst the success, the good cheer and rude jokes. But... those people over there on the left? They are festering. I seriously think they want a fight and won't rest until they get one. 

Monday, 9 July 2018

Not Cool

Somebody's Eggs Got Beat A Little To Hard...

It must be like political correctness: a competition in stupidity...

Worthy Of A Crapcopter Pilot

The Things Ya See When Ya Don't Have A Rocket Launcher

They're dressed like circus clowns for a reason.
Patriotism with retards like these at the helm of you nation is

Unlike you stupid Americans down south, us enlightened liberals up here in Canukistan don't get worried at all about things like constitutions and supreme courts because apparently it's all about abortion. GAH.

I couldn't name any one of those retards either. But then again, I don't have the faintest clue about our constitution either. Or even our national anthem. When Turdo The Elder brought home our constitution from England, it was a flawed document. Apparently Canada's fwench component in Queerbec needed rights that 'were separate but equal' and the Canadian Constitution degenerated into a liberal shit show from there. The feminists had a go at it, then the queers and then some other special interest groups. Now nobody really knows what it says or cares - least of all, those retards in the clown suits. What in hell are 'separate rights and freedoms' anyway?They even did the same thing to our national anthem: "In all our son's command" was a verse that offended the hairy chested feminists and the queers so it had to go. They had to make part of it fwench to appeal to a part of Canada that largely hates the county. I'm not kidding either, for years Quebec Separation dominated Canadian politics to the point where the rest of us just wished the arseholes would leave. But of course, they needed our money, and politicos needed their votes and they blackmailed the rest of the country for years.

No, the reason Canadians don't flip out about constitutions and supreme court nominations is apathy. Or, in cases like mine - outright contempt. I learned long ago those morons in the clown suits don't give a rat's ass about me, their country, or their culture. I rejected their authority over me and that of the gov't as well. Oh I am a law abiding citizen and a good neighbour, and will respect the rights and freedoms of others as a good Christian and citizen should. But I take pains to exclude those from my life that won't reciprocate. And if they want to get stupid about it, I am prepared to get nasty about it.

How would you Yanks like that in your country? Welp, that is what happens when you let morons have their way with your laws and founding principles. The only difference between the American and Canadian constitutions are the people they apply too. The people that want to screw with your Constitution and courts are doing so because they want to screw with you. In Canada, my province, Alberta, was paying 8 billion dollars a year into our central gov't. We're doing that in the midst of an oil bust and economic recession. Queerbec gets about 8~10 billion dollars a year in compensation from the gubbiment. Most of it gets pissed away with corruption and incompetence but that is how they roll out there. And we pay for it here, and wonder why gas costs $1.50 a litre now.

The fourth of July is over but a note of caution to my American friends: for your constitution to mean anything, you need to be on it 24/7/365 - or clowns like the morons in the pic above will have it, and that will be the end of it. And if things go badly it may be the end of you too.

Sunday, 8 July 2018

Filthicus: Dance Club

I just can't wake up today. Maybe it's from too many hard nights, tankards of wine, orgies, and decadent Roman living! And - jeez Louise, I have nothing to wear today because some barbarian (probly Pete or Jack) - wiped his arse with my toga last night and the slaves are refusing to clean it! I woke up this morning with my skin on backwards.

The celebration last night was for the return of General Quartermain and the Xth Macedonia. They'd been far out east where they captured some oddball slaves and brought them back to provide some entertainment for us here at home. The men play these ghastly musical instruments that combine the worst acoustics of Tupperware, Kazoos, and spoons! And the women (who are not nearly as beautiful as our own) do this oddly captivating and sensual dance that somehow appeals. Oh, gah - here they go again!

What in hell is going on out there on the eastern edge of the 
The women aren't pretty but they sure look that way.

Can't a guy get any sleep around here?!?!? Welp - I'm up now. Don't worry about that lot, I will have them all whipped and put to work in the stables or the scullery ASAP! But these women remind me that maybe we need some decent music round here - maybe about women that aren't really pretty, but manage to look that way.

That's better!

Up and at 'em, and have a great Sunday!

Saturday, 7 July 2018

A Biblical Study Goes Horribly Wrong

GAH! Is that in the bible?!?!?

I am asking because I don't know. I've only been through the New Testament (or, almost finished) and I haven't started on the old one yet. The eeeeeeevil jooooos seem really big into circumcision for some reason. From my out house biblical and historical perspective it seems that Jews are odd people. They annoy the living hell out of God, their neighbours and each other. Historically, at one time or another, they have been thrown out of pretty much every country they ever settled in.

I've always been pro-Isreal, and never an anti-Semite. But a couple years ago I started noticing things that didn't add up. The worst, the absolutely chittiest liberals are all Jews. When Mel Gibson dared to notice that a powerful group of moneyed Jews ran Hollywood, he got run out of town by a group of wealthy Jews that pretty much ran Hollywood. And then I see stuff like this. My question is, what's the big deal? A couple elderly people that want to deny the holocaust? So what? If there is nothing to what they're saying, then why the iron fist in dealing with them? How do a couple elderly loons spread hatred anyways? It's a historical fact, a matter of public record, and anyone in his right mind would just laugh at them. But... they are crime thinkers and have to be punished! When I see a kneejerk, emotional reaction like that, I've learned that you take a closer look at the situation, and often you'll find that the guys doing the blustering and screaming are the guys trying to get away with something. There are some really nasty jews doing some really nasty things these days.

Mind you, the same goes for a lot of groups of people right up to and including gun club stubfarts I guess. 

Posted Without Comment

Good Morning


I remember how my day was absolutely RUINED when we were kids, and Quartermain told us all what actually goes into a hot dog wiener. I couldn't eat for days and got diagnosed as having a childhood version of PTSD.

Now that I know where tacos come from I ain't eatin' them neither!

Bad Dog

Lite beer...?!?! Bad boy!!!

Meanwhile In Britain

Shoulda Wiped His Arse On It First

Friday, 6 July 2018

Occupational Hazards: Karma

About a year ago our sales started diving due to an economy going into recession. (50% of that was brought on by external global markets, and 50% by our home grown commies - who are now getting mugged by reality in the worst way).

As our fortunes at work became more dire, the heat on us sales guys was turned up to 11. My national sales manager would come out every couple of months and he started accusing me of incompetence, misconduct, and horse thieving. We had a few shouting matches, I told him to go F himself and fire me (and get a lawyer) and those meeting often went to hell from there.

In a stroke of genius, he decided that he would hire MORE sales people (in a receding economy) - and play them off against each other and increase sales. The ones that gave him the results he wanted would keep their jobs, and those that didn't - welp, you're fired!!! HAR HAR HAR! So one Friday he sends an email saying he's coming in on Monday, that he's hired a new salesgirl, and we were all gonna sit down, divide up the territories - and make arrangements for me to train my replacement. He didn't say that - but I knew what he was thinking. Who wants to work in an environment like that?

I went into work early, sent in my two weeks notice of resignation - and waited for our corporate hotshot to arrive. He finally flounced in, we set up in the boardroom, and he demanded my plan for how we were going to handle Alberta. I shrugged, told him it wasn't my problem anymore, and that it was something he could discuss with his new senior salesgirl - and got up and left. Of course, there was a little drama when head office called and asked their national sales manager why their senior guy in Alberta just quit. The president called, asked me to stay and I told him he either put his idiot of a fwench sales manager on a leash, or we were done. He told me to clean out my desk and leave. "did that last week, Jim," I said, "been a pleasure working for ya!" With that I finished the last page of that chapter of my life. I had put in some really good years there. I was climbing around on the 18th floor of sky scrapers being built one day - and doing product tutorials in front of 300 tradespeople and engineers the next. One Friday on the long drive home I stopped by a lake with a deserted camp ground - and went for a swim. I'd help the customers out, and then drink their coffee and gobble donuts. I worked around massive machines and huge projects, I got in the middle of my customer's companies and helped them work through their problems, I miled three company trucks out as I tooled around the province, harassing the customers and having a good time. But now - the company was replacing me with a 20 something bubble gumming millennial power girl, who couldn't lift the tools and products, who had never had to stand toe to toe with an angry 250 lb ironworker with an attitude, who wore power suits and wouldn't be caught dead in dirty coveralls and steel toes.

I just shrugged and walked away. Nowadays ya don't take stuff like that personally. I think it happens to a lot of people eventually. That phase of my life was over and it was just time for me to go. My Maker had other plans for me and that's all there was to it. I looked ahead, rather than behind.

A week after I left, the other salesman quit. He wasn't going to put up with our national sales manager either. Now the company had no experienced sales people in Alberta at all. A couple weeks later they fired Big Al - a manager I was training. Apparently he was so bad he couldn't retain his people, they said. I made a point of tracking Al down and telling him the real scoop - but he knew. He's moved on too.

The other day some facebooking went on and I learned all this, and that they fired the bubble gummer they had hired to replace me. At first I laughed - she had lied through her teeth on her resume and any idiot (except our manager) could see it. That young lady deserved to be fired, but in truth, she never should have been hired at all. They replaced her with a chinaman and he apparently he crashed and wrote off my former company truck. The manager they hired to replace Big Al is falling apart at the seams.

I surprise myself sometimes. I woulda thunk I'd be happy to see those idiots shooting themselves in the foot - but I'm not, really. Sure, I would like to see my national sales manager die in a fire for what he's done, but it doesn't particularly bother me if he doesn't. I just remember those days of working hard, having fun, and building something meaningful. The sky was the limit back then; I was setting sales records, the company was expanding, our customers were too... and all I can think of that is... it's all gone now. It's the classic story of the family business - pop starts the company in the back of his truck, moves into his garage, then into an office and a shop, then starts opening branches across the country... and then retires and the kids run it into the dirt.

Bah. It was just a job. And - I still have real work to do. I now work for kids half my age and at least these ones have a sense of ethics - or so it seems so far - so I give them 110% and a little bit more. They seem to appreciate it. I'm training one of the new hires so they must think well of me at least a  little bit.

The work never stops, and that is a good thing. Have a great Friday

Wednesday, 4 July 2018

Filthie's Flatulence Management Device: Prototype

We're in the animal testing phase right now
but the results
are promising.

Sign Sign Everywhere A Sign

We're bringing out some tough new
hygiene regulations here at Uncle Bob's Institute
For Wayward Boys N' Retards

Tuesday, 3 July 2018

Joe Cat Face Rides Again

Right now the big flap for the social justice warriors in Canada is that they've noticed a YUGE problem on our indian reservations: alarming numbers of native women are turning up dead or going missing. So the liberal morons decided enough was enough! Something HAD to be done!

And they commissioned a study where intrepid gubbimint SJW's would go on the reservations and find out exactly what the hell was going on. And of course, they found out that they couldn't hang this on Whitey, or racism, or any other politically correct whipping boy. The perps were so blatantly obvious, that they couldn't even spin it to make Whitey look like the culprit. Obviously somebody wasn't doing his job properly - and the liberal shill in charge of the truth and reconciliation suddenly tendered his resignation.

Maybe Alberta media celebrity and radio DJ, Joe Cat Face can help our befuddled liberals sort this one out?

We Need To Have A National Discussion About BEER

I suppose I shouldn't gloat because the flat, boring Canadian factory beers have only one saving grace over American beers - we put actual alcohol in ours. I laugh at the poseurs who posture as beer authorities and connoisseurs that proudly proclaim Canadian beer superior to those of other countries. Hey, McFly - once ya pasteurize the brew - 99% of the taste and character and charm of any beer goes out the window.

I used to home brew when I was a kid and did it for years and loved it. The summer days were best, where it was blistering hot, and ya just finished the yard work - and it was time for a pail of pale ale. I would put my beer up in those half litre bottles with the wire harness, the rubber seal and ceramic stoppers. I would inhale the first one as fast as I could chug it and then open another. That one would go down at a brisk clip, usually over a cut throat game of horse shoes with the father in law. Then the last one would usually do until supper. Sometimes we would have another then too. Entire fields of rich barley and hopps disappeared down our gullets.

Last week when I thought we were going camping I bought a 40 can pack of Bud. In my younger days that woulda been about right for a long weekend with friends. But now? I bought a 30 can pack of beer at this time last year and I still have 8 cans left of it. Now I have the 40 more to get through too.

Rather than admit that I am an elderly reformed alcoholic - perhaps it would be easier to consider myself a 'prepper'. If they ever drop an H bomb on Aaaaadmontin, or Justin Turdo gets re-elected and it's the end of the world - I will be well positioned to survive the aftermath.

The  best beer is the beer you have. For you Yanks, I hope you are well stocked for your birthday party tomorrow.

Have a great Tuesday.

Monday, 2 July 2018

Filthicus: Blood And Sa- ...Water?

Oh hi everyone!

Ordinarily I'd be at the Coliseum, presiding over the gladiatorial games and enjoying the blood and death of the creatures put on this earth solely to fight and die for my amusement. But not this time, oh no - incompetents like Jack and Quartermain and WL are sent out to capture monsters for the arena, and they come back with kittens and teddy bears! Screw that.

I figure I will just dispense with the blood sport and take an afternoon off for some recreational fishing and boating...

Well We Nixed The Camping This Weekend

I dunno, camping doesn't appeal to me the way it did as a younger man. I find myself wanting to do the things old buggers do now. I finally fired up my gas powered car washer and shined up the truck and Big Red. I had a ball. When I was finished my Maker yanked my chain by rolling in the dark clouds and He rolled some barrels around too... but no rain fell on my nice clean vehicles.

I rode the bike to church on Sunday and sat with my wife - and managed to stay awake despite the heat. The younger couple in front of us were fostering a baby - apparently the little bugger got shaken or hurt by her former parents and wasn't right in the head as a result. When everyone stood to sing, the baby would look back at us with big brown eyes. She made hardly a sound the entire time. I looked back into those deep brown eyes, and maybe I imagine it - but I think I saw a spark back there.  I threw out a prayer for the kid and her foster parents along with the usual one for my own kid.

When I got home the Canada Day jets went over. You Yanks are so lucky. You have a proud military, the means to defend yourselves, and the pride of doing what's right when other countries won't. Out in western Canada we get buzzed by two elderly CF18's once a year but that's the only time we see them. Our military aviators fly in ageing junkers while our politicians fly around in posh 'business' jets.

I'm an old hum-bugger about Canada Day. This not the country my ancestors built or defended for the last 100 years. Any patriotism I had left was burned at the stake during the reign of Turdo The Elder. Morontario and Queerbec deserve leaders like that - but the rest of Canada sure doesn't. Young Master Turdo is ramping up the trade war with new tariffs on US imports, and I just can't help thinking that little shit is starting something he can't finish. I seriously hope Trump grinds that arrogant whoreson under his heel, he surely deserves it.

This fuggin country would be in much better shape if I ran it. Consider the precision of my own affairs on this long weekend Monday: the grass is lush and green and beautiful - but covered in dew and too wet to mow. No problem, I have this breakfast of eggs and cheese biscuits to devour. My crime fighting K9 cohorts will help me with that and then do the dishes afterwards. After they've done that, we'll patrol the neighbourhood for senior delinquent crime and intervene if necessary. There's an old grey hair round the corner with two Corvettes. He's always wrenching on them and polishing them and I find the whole affair shady and suspicious. When we visit he's always cordial  and courteous, and even my K9 deputies think he's a good fella - but I know the truth! The nice guy act is just a ruse; those types slip up eventually, and when he does, Captain Sweatpants will be there! You can't trust seniors, and it pays to keep a sharp eye on 'em. We'll drop in on The Corvette Kid in our rounds and by the time I get home - the dew will be gone and I can get my lawn mower out. When I am done that it's off to the range with the wife to shoot with King Peter and Queen Mary. Shit gets done around Castello Di La Filthie - I dunno why it can't be done the same way at the national level, HAR HAR HAR!!!!

Welp… the dawgs finished the dishes. Ordinarily I would just put them back in the cupboard but my abusive wife gets mad when I do that... so I'll throw 'em in the dishwasher and get about my day. For those of you with the day off - may you get done, what needs to get done too!

Have a great Monday.