Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Monday, 8 January 2018

Sales Jobs

When you are in a good sales job, there's nothing better. Ya go around scarfing donuts and coffee, harassing jokers and clowns that severely need it (and are more than willing to reciprocate) - and the job rolls along.

When times go bad there is NOTHING worse. I love the owners of my company and if they weren't made from the same pile of shite I was - I would have left long ago. The best thing about the company I work for is that it's like working for WKRP in Cincinatti. The worst thing about it is that it's like working for WKRP in Cincinatti.

Sales have been flat. I was passing by Mammoet (the heavy lift crane guys) and figured I would drop in an insult Dan. Sorry Filthie - Dan was let go last year. FFS - I've known Dan for 14 years! Back in '04 he was a cod-gobbling Newfie fresh off the tater wagon from Newfieland. The first time we met we had a barn burning argument - he told me to shove my tools up my arse, he would never buy from us again, and I MAY have made some intemperate remarks about his ancestry and probable spiritual destination. We became fast friends for some reason - and I had the run of his shop. I expanded our sales there by hassling a few of the other foremen and Supers and soon a trip to Mammoet was a half-an-afternoon-affair. Today the parking lot's half empty, tumbleweeds blow through the forlorn yard, and the cranes are parked in rows by the dozen - mothballed. This province is gonna be on it's knees at this rate - and yet our socialist ditz of a Premiere and her cabinet of cocktail waitress/gay hipsters/union slobs just keep spending money like it's going out of style.

I got an email last week from the management proclaiming that my sales territory will be cut because we are hiring a 26 year old chickie to improve our dismal sales. I've had a few shouting matches with my national sales manager - he's a fuggin idiot and a company fixture - who seems to need a scapegoat for our branch's dismal sales.

It's time to leave. I am on every day now, hoping that something breaks. I would like to get another job before I am punted from this one but she's probably going to be close. I've been here ten years now.

I'm one of these guys that gets squirrelly with unemployment. Some guys just take it in stride and go out for the UIC Ski Team or they go fishin' and can say to hell with the world. I gotta be working. I need to know a pay cheque is coming in, that money is going in the bank, that I am pulling my weight. In my family a man's expected to be a bread winner. Unemployment is hell on the old ego.

And yet, I am blessed with a good wife who understands. I've no debts, I have a little money, and I think I am still young enough to be employable - but who knows these days. Sometimes I am morose and depressed - other times I am objective and hopeful.

Sorry for being a stinker. Goddammit, who's in charge of the rude jokes around here? If anyone needs me I will be out foraging for off colour jokes, disgusting memes, and other uplifting trash! Will be back soon - I might stick my head down a toilet and flush a few times too.

Hope your 2018 is shaping up better than mine.


  1. Yeah, I feel ferya Glen. We're on the same page; two aging dumb-asses who still cling to the quaint notion that one should work for one's dinner. Of course, in thinking that way, all we're doing is paying for the free rides of the welfare bums. I guess all we can hope for is that, somewhere down the line, historians will look at the likes of us and say "They were right." 'Lotta good that will do us... or them...

    The 26-year-old chickie; half the age for half the wage... with possible "benefits..." Yeah; keep yer feelers out for other work...

    One less thing for you to worry about, Glen; off-color joke of the day:

    Question; Why don't Mexican schools conduct driver ed and sex ed classes on the same day?

    Answer: It's too hard on the burro...

  2. Awright, here:

    I was walking down the street and I punched of a white guy and then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.

    Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
    Student: "Meat!"
    Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
    Student: "Bacon!"
    Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
    Student: "Homework!"

    My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

    A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”

    Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."

    Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."
    Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ."
    Kid 1: "As if."
    Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."
    Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."
    Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

    Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.

    A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old." "Oh yeah?" quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?" She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation."

    My friend told me he had the body of a Greek god. I had to explain to him that Buddha is not Greek.

    How did the medical community come up with the term "PMS"? "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.

    A boy asks his dad, “What’s the difference between potential and realistic?” The dad tells him to go ask the rest of his family if they’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then he’d tell him the answer. The boy goes up to his mom and asks her. She responds, “A million dollars is a lot of money sweetheart. I could send you, your sister, and your brother to great colleges, so sure, I would!” He then goes and asks his sister to which she replies, “Brad Pitt? Hell ya, he’s the hottest guy ever!” Next, the boy asks his brother who replies, “A million dollars? Hell yes I would. I’d be rich!” When the boy excitedly returns to his dad with the family’s responses, the dad says, “Well son, potentially, we have three million dollars. Realistically, we have two sluts and a queer.”

  3. Well thanks for the rude jokes, and stopping by boys! A smirk goes a long way these days...! ;)