Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Thursday, 1 February 2018

Lack Of Perspective

Back when dirt was a new thing, and dinosaurs roamed the earth, and women found Mad Jack handsome and appealing - I was finishing up high school.

My arch enema enemy at the time was KB. KB was a driven, serious young man and an over-achiever. As kids we had after school jobs at the local county shop where I washed the dump trucks after the day's work, and KB changed the oil and lubed them. Where he was driven and ambitious, I was laid back and lazy. I hated school, wasn't ready to grow up, and was the product of a progressive liberal upbringing and public schools I guess. Combine that with some of Pop's medical issues at the time - I wasn't the most put-together young man, if ya catch my drift. Fact is I still have a lot of screws loose I suppose.

KB and I were not impressed with each other and we weren't shy about saying so either. Where I never had a chance in a duel of wits, KB had a ropey mouth and a scathing wit and when I saw the last of him - I was glad of it. He probably was too. He was pretty good at making me feel small. It drove him up the wall when, on a few occasions, I dared contradict him, and he lost his marbles when I proved him wrong. Whadda they call that? Type A personality?

After school he went off to university as an honours student, and I went to the school of hard knocks for some remedial maturity training and attitude adjustment. I heard somewhere that KB became a big wheel at Enbridge and I've no doubt he made enough money there to buy and sell me out of pocket change.

Last week my Maker saw fit to tweak my nose - KB was actually a member of my church, unbeknownst to me. I had seen him before and not recognized him until somebody pointed him out to me at a dinner get-together. I also learned that he had just had himself a great big stroke and was in an induced coma at the hospital. Holy mackaral - 36 years. POOF!

As young men KB took every opportunity to make sure I knew that he was a better man than I, and it galled me to have to pretty much agree. Fast forward half a lifetime - and he stroked out while I am still standing.

Sometimes life does things that leaves me certain my Maker is trying to teach me something and I am getting that feeling here in spades. He did everything right as a kid - worked hard, went to school, got a great job. I did everything wrong - goofed off at school, unplanned teen pregnancy, worked shit-picker jobs until we saved up enough for me to go back to school... and here we are today. He's knocking on death's door, and unless Darwin or Murphy have something especially nasty to surprise me with - I am finer n' frog's hair. I still have no interest in anything KB does, and if he died and went to hell I would personally be just peachy with it because I know darned well I will join him there sooner rather than later, more likely than not. But as an outhouse Christian, that is an unacceptable conduct. God rot my soul - I can't bring myself to feel sorry for the man, even after all these years. I certainly would never gloat at his misfortune, but...

Whatever my Maker is trying to teach me in all this, I will just do that old 'If ya can't say nothin' nice...' routine. It's all I got, and it's more than that boy deserves.


  1. asked my mother about sin in regard to those who are nasty, mean, deceivers, et alia. she said there is no sin in avoiding them, just don't have active thoughts of retaliation.
    i couldn't 'love thy neighbor' them, but i could avoid sin.
    for me, being spiritually hard of hearing, when God tries to teach me something i have difficulty hearing or i think i'm just imagining things.
    makes life hard and hard for those around you, too.
    He speaks in a still, small voice, so maybe try hearing when you are loading bullets or some other time when you are not distracted.
    we are so dense! God, have mercy on us! please!

  2. Deb there are times I swear I can almost see how His machine works... and others when I know its there, but I'll be darned if I know what it's doing... or why...