Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Monday, 5 March 2018

100 Years Ago

When her head wasn't doing 360's on her shoulders, when she wasn't spitting, hissing and barfing green gook and crawling on the ceiling... sometimes my daughter would do stuff like this.

She loved stickers as a squirt. One day I came home to find my reloading equipment (which consisted of a small metal box and a press mounted on a re-purposed stereo stand) - covered in Ghost Buster stickers. Can you see the demented demon in that little girl's eyes? I can - I saw it my daughter's often enough - and there was the odd time when I saw it in the eyes of that bum in the shaving mirror I see in the morning. Often that look would be accompanied by metric tonnes of pandemonium, handwavium and hysterics induced on any bystanders or passersby.

About 5 or six years ago she cut us out of her life to run away and join the circus and I suspect she had that demonic light in her eyes then too. I was worried and cut to the core over it all and I used to lurk at internet sites that she'd frequent, hoping to get the odd tidbits of what was going on in her life and just assure myself all was well. When she interacted with the people at those sites, often she would drop a phrase, or reason or speak in a way that was the exact same way I would do it. Even over the internet I could see this odd, echoing resonance. That ol' wheel in the sky just keeps on turning.

Eventually you get old, and you see everything that wheel has on it as it goes round - and the demons don't scare you or do anything for you anymore. I dunno if that is a good thing or not. Yesterday Big Jim was up there preachin and speechin at church and going on about how adversity in life is God's way of pounding the impurities out of your soul the way a smith does when he's forging metal in the fire and beating it on the anvil. I looked over and saw his wife and daughter in tears. Jim has a way of doing shit like that - where he's talking to a whole room full of people and it seems like his speech is aimed right at you - and when he gets you, ya always get it right between the eyes too. I shamefully fled after the service - I didn't want to come between that Smithy, His hammer or His anvil if ya catch my drift. For the rest of us the message was that shit just doesn't happen. There's a reason for it, and the smart guy embraces it and makes the best of it to make the best of himself. I sure hope he's right about that. I seriously wonder if he's not full a shit about it. I've heard people say it's a sin to hate people different than you - but it's an even bigger one to hate them because they are the same as you. That might be a crock of beans too.

But - yannow... I haven't seen that demonic light in my own eyes in a long, long time. I am not saying I am a saint, or will turn my back on rude joke or stop being a dink - but there is a maliciousness of some sort that doesn't seem to be there anymore. I dunno if it has to do with the failure of my family or just that I'm an old fart that got sand bagged by a world that ran over him.

 I dunno where I was going with any of this. It is Monday - and I ramble. Hopefully you will have your poop in a group and do something useful or get something done.

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