Tuesday, 5 June 2018
Retard Food Fighters Foiled
It's about time too! In your face, Quartermain!!! HAR HAR HAR!!! Why - I am sorely tempted to do the F*** You Dance in celebration of my new protection from unsportsmanlike food fighting!
When I was a kid a massive food fight broke out in the school cafeteria. At our table was The World's Mouthiest Little Chit - Donny O. He was very small and runtish - and ran his mouth like a machine gun and got away with it more often than not because picking on a midget like him would be unsporting and bullying.
Anyhoo - people have memories. They don't forget insult, and they don't forget faces - and that day, Donny's number came up.
Who threw it? We never found out. But that day, a carefully stored moldy and mushy rotten apple hit Donny square in the face at (at least) 2200 feet per second! He caught it straight on, his head snapped back and he was out of the game as he pitched backward and hit the floor with his lights out. The rest of us got splattered with apple guts thrown out by the impact - and we were stunned by the majesty of the hit, and the dispensation of poetic justice as Donny sprawled on the floor. We started to clap and the food fight broke off, to be replaced by applause. Donny staggered back to his feet and got a standing ovation - I suppose for just surviving the hit. It was the damnedest thing I ever saw. Everyone was happier n' heck to see Donny rightfully plastered in a food fight because of his ropey mouth... but they were happy to see him take the hit like a man too.
Donny stopped running his mouth after that, and seemed to lose that 'little man' chip on his shoulder. It's funny how some of the most childish incidents can serve to make us grow.