Stop that laughing, damn you all!!! I will NOT tolerate any disputation of my cultural and literary authority!
Harumpfffff!!! Now - before I was so RUDELY interrupted - I used to read voraciously. That was back in the days before the invention of 71 genders, cultural fascism, and copycat, paint-by-number derivative plots n' themes featuring bland, unlikeable affirmative action heroes and villains. Most of my reading was schlock paperback thrillers, sci-fi and the odd chit house horror novels. You could still get original stuff in those days, before the industry was taken over by vinegar drinking cat ladies and whored out to commies and lesbians. I read a few classics here and there too - and am taking recommendations on those in the comments if you're so inclined. Thanks in advance for your kindness and consideration.
There are two areas of literature that have yet left my soul parched and dry: the short story, and poetry.
Short stories for me have been hit and miss - with far, far more misses than hits. In fairness that is the hardest genre to write. I have seen maybe a half dozen stories that reached out and kicked me in the head the way their authors intended. I haven't read one author that can do that with any sort of regularity - until a couple months ago. Jess can do it easily. He can just conjure up characters that are people that I've known all my life and love - yet haven't met yet (if that makes any sense). I present, for your enjoyment and delectation, the spectacular Columbo. As a boy growing up shooting at small game I learned the shame of poor marksmanship and needless suffering on little critters. If I blew a shot I moved heaven and earth to finish the job and put critters out of their pain. I did it without thinking about it; and after reading that story... maybe it is something I should have thought more about. I hope Jess keeps writing. It's worth your time.
Poetry in this country is currently a foppish chit show featuring illiterate cretins and poseurs
Of course I cannot let these gentlemen walk away with their vast talent unchallenged. I submit, for your consideration, a thought provoking and introspective poem of my own that I am sure you'll all enjoy. It has it's roots in the history of my ancestors - also noble Scots. Ladies and gentlemen, if I may have your undivided attention! *Ahem*
SUNNY HAS THE SHITS AGAIN
Sunny has the shits again
Ah cannae use the cludgie
He's perched upon the toilet seat -
half man, half giant budgie
Ah told ya, Sunny,
Ya shouldnae huv the lukewarm Tandoori mince;
Before Ah kark mah breeks
And give the toilet bowl a rinse.
Wasn't that beautiful? Eh? Eh??? Okay I admit it! I stole that but can't remember where I got it! If the owner of that fine piece should ever happen across these pages, I will gladly give full credit where credit is due. Thank you, whoever you are, for a good belly laugh.
I hear that World Famous Explorer, Adventurer And Man About Town - WL Emery - has a new book out too. I have to set up the new iPad with kindle or whatever it is so I can buy it and read that too.
If any of you have an artistic steak in you - The Thunderbox is always at your service.
Have a good Thursday.