Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Monday, 2 July 2018

Well We Nixed The Camping This Weekend

I dunno, camping doesn't appeal to me the way it did as a younger man. I find myself wanting to do the things old buggers do now. I finally fired up my gas powered car washer and shined up the truck and Big Red. I had a ball. When I was finished my Maker yanked my chain by rolling in the dark clouds and He rolled some barrels around too... but no rain fell on my nice clean vehicles.

I rode the bike to church on Sunday and sat with my wife - and managed to stay awake despite the heat. The younger couple in front of us were fostering a baby - apparently the little bugger got shaken or hurt by her former parents and wasn't right in the head as a result. When everyone stood to sing, the baby would look back at us with big brown eyes. She made hardly a sound the entire time. I looked back into those deep brown eyes, and maybe I imagine it - but I think I saw a spark back there.  I threw out a prayer for the kid and her foster parents along with the usual one for my own kid.

When I got home the Canada Day jets went over. You Yanks are so lucky. You have a proud military, the means to defend yourselves, and the pride of doing what's right when other countries won't. Out in western Canada we get buzzed by two elderly CF18's once a year but that's the only time we see them. Our military aviators fly in ageing junkers while our politicians fly around in posh 'business' jets.

I'm an old hum-bugger about Canada Day. This not the country my ancestors built or defended for the last 100 years. Any patriotism I had left was burned at the stake during the reign of Turdo The Elder. Morontario and Queerbec deserve leaders like that - but the rest of Canada sure doesn't. Young Master Turdo is ramping up the trade war with new tariffs on US imports, and I just can't help thinking that little shit is starting something he can't finish. I seriously hope Trump grinds that arrogant whoreson under his heel, he surely deserves it.

This fuggin country would be in much better shape if I ran it. Consider the precision of my own affairs on this long weekend Monday: the grass is lush and green and beautiful - but covered in dew and too wet to mow. No problem, I have this breakfast of eggs and cheese biscuits to devour. My crime fighting K9 cohorts will help me with that and then do the dishes afterwards. After they've done that, we'll patrol the neighbourhood for senior delinquent crime and intervene if necessary. There's an old grey hair round the corner with two Corvettes. He's always wrenching on them and polishing them and I find the whole affair shady and suspicious. When we visit he's always cordial  and courteous, and even my K9 deputies think he's a good fella - but I know the truth! The nice guy act is just a ruse; those types slip up eventually, and when he does, Captain Sweatpants will be there! You can't trust seniors, and it pays to keep a sharp eye on 'em. We'll drop in on The Corvette Kid in our rounds and by the time I get home - the dew will be gone and I can get my lawn mower out. When I am done that it's off to the range with the wife to shoot with King Peter and Queen Mary. Shit gets done around Castello Di La Filthie - I dunno why it can't be done the same way at the national level, HAR HAR HAR!!!!

Welp… the dawgs finished the dishes. Ordinarily I would just put them back in the cupboard but my abusive wife gets mad when I do that... so I'll throw 'em in the dishwasher and get about my day. For those of you with the day off - may you get done, what needs to get done too!

Have a great Monday.


  1. Some years ago when I was a slender, hard charging stud muffin who would party all night and ask for more first thing in the morning, I got my SO a nice little puppy dog. He weighed 12 pounds and still had his puppy teeth. Someone threw him out, you see, so I took him.

    The little dog learned all about leftover plates and how much fun it was to clean them right away. I don't know just who taught him that, but he was a real smart dog. Soooo...

    One fine afternoon I was taking the clean dishes out of the dishwasher, and I had a stack of puppy cleaned dishes on the counter nearby, and the SO was fooling around pretending to get lunch ready, and in the middle of it all I got called away to the phone for some important business. When I got back, everything was put away and the dishwasher was empty - and lunch had been served.

    Oh well.

    1. Just so, WL! Fact is the dawgs get plates cleaner than most women will - but woe unto he that is foolish enough to say so, HAR HAR HAR!!!!