Men, I hate to be an alarmist, but the Russians are catching up to us in key areas of science and technology. I personally believe they are close to surpassing us. Please gather round, we need your closest attention to these grave new developments.
On November 15th, Our intrepid secret agent, Pete F, was able to infiltrate a Russian submarine fabrication facility and escape with these pictures of their latest BBQs. They did not come without great cost; Pete is in the hospital fighting for his life against alcohol and meat poisoning. He’s full of vodka and koobasaw... and he might not make it. Keep him in your thoughts.
Obviously Ivan can’t match our pellet BBQs or automated smokers... and storing drinks on deck is probably a Bad Idea... but the old nickel goes that you never interrupt an enemy when he’s making his mistake.
We’ll need to initiate a full review of our current grilling practices procedures, men - immediately. For those of you that can do so, please commence your investigations this very evening... and have a full report ready for my evaluation Monday morning sharp!