Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Friday, 3 January 2020

On Suicide Watch Again

Oh good morning everyone!

Yep, you guessed it. I got emotionally traumatized and overwrought again last night and decided to do away with my life! Went running outside and I threw myself into the neighbour’s Ukrainian Tire cheapy electric snow blower but it wasn’t powerful enough and I bunged that thing up c0ck-solid! M and Phil had to tear down that POS to get me out and by then the cops showed up... and I got hauled away to the can. It’s not that bad though... I think they got me in Epstein’s old cell so if the mood takes me again, I should be good to go. One of the guards even lent me a pistol, bless his heart.😆👍

So. What set me off this time? Welp, I was doing good on OyTube last night, until I came across this black, soul crushing vid!

If there’s one place that can cock up a simple cup of fuggin coffee... it’s the faggots and pink haired alternative life forms over at Starbucks. That stuff is shite! But the wife, King Peter and Queen Mary love it!  My wife even had an app on her phone so she can order her special coffee and have it ready when she arrives.

FFS... how do ya mess up a cup off coffee?!?! Ya heat up water with your preferred thermo, pour hot water through the grind, and collect the solution in a jerry can! You throw a Glock in and if it floats... yer done like dinner!!! Our society is diseased and fraught with fecklessness, fetid flatulence and fraudulence to make a culturally poxy, pozzed unplummable profundity like Starbucks!!!😡😡

Uh oh. I’m sorry everyone! But I need to get back to my imaginary happy place again! I shan’t speak of such ghastly doings - this is a safe place! It’s Saturday, I’m safe and warm... and I hope you are too!

Have a great weekend and thanks for dropping in. Keep your coffee and your life simple! 👍


  1. Duude! I learned a long time ago if it has Starbucks on it any where I don't go near it, I don't look at it, listen to will just annoy the bejeezus out of me and who needs that kind of heartburn.

  2. Never stepped foot in a Star-f-ucks... I fail to understand why anyone would want to pay eight dollars for something with a name like mock-u-f-uck-u-chino.... when for the same price at Wallyworld you can buy a two pound bag of french roast Arabica that will make you coffee for at least six weeks.

  3. Mad Jack: I'd like a cup of coffee, please. Black.

    Simpering 20-something pretentious barista: What kind would you like?

    MJ: Just... coffee.

    S20SPB: We have Venezuelan Shareable, Brazilian Plamflower, Somalian Caloric -

    MJ: Wait. Just a regular cup of coffee, like Folgers or something. See?

    S20SPB: We don't have that, barbarous cretin with a penis.

    MJ: Listen to me, you stupid carpet muncher. You pour me a cup of coffee, black, and you do it now.

    S20SPB: Back off, jack off.

    MJ: Ya fuckin' mutt!!

    Actually, the one and only time I was inside a Starfucks they lost me at the menu. A menu for coffee? Bullshit. I'm the same way at Panera Bread, but for different reasons - I can't make sense of the menu. Despairing of the verbose, magniloquent paragraphs on the menu, I ordered a ham and Swiss on rye and a cup of the slop du jour, and that's where the trouble started. They won't serve a ham sandwich; it has to be some kind of weird epicurean wet dream using a type of bread without a name - only a flowery description.

    And it's all women, and none of them have been more than 50 yards away from a flush toilet in their entire lives.

    I feel old.

  4. And the reason you're on suicide watch again is because you've been drinking that mad dog wine and 'fortifying' it with that cheap-ass vodka. I'm tell you, that stuff ain't safe.

  5. Plain Jane roast and grind, brand unimportant, made up in a 1950, 1st generation Pyrex percolator, purchased at a yard sale for about five bux. 'Best damned coffee I've ever dumped down the pie hole!

    Starbux slogan: "A fool and his money will go separate ways."

  6. When I go to Starbucks, I've learned the 'regular coffee' is Pike's Peak. I have been tempted to trigger the flimps and call it Pakie's Peak... but that would probably cause a hissy fit!