I am convinced there is probably a theory of relativity that applies to the emotional bonds of families, hearts, and souls. Once you’re outside of your family you see things with a stunning clarity that is impossible when you’re in them. I remember being shocked and amused when I discovered that one of the reasons mom and I don’t get along was that I remind her a lot of her father and she hated him with the heat of 1000 suns. Suppose the old bitch hates me with maybe 796 suns, so maybe age and genetic distance factor into the equation too, as minor variables maybe. But, when I realized that, Mom started making a lot more sense. I started understanding the motivations behind her antics and histrionics and a lot of my own hurt just evaporated.
Like most elderly Boomers, Mom gets much of her info from daytime TV and thinks she’s informed. She glommed onto Orca Winfrey, Ellen Degenerate and the hags and harpies of The View. If those witches said something, Mom took it as gospel. If I could be in the same room with her I’d ask her what she thought about poor Ellen’s late fall from grace.
Ellen never did interest me but she does now, in a passing sort of way. She looks much like my mother, with the bad haircut. She has a ropey mouth and won’t hesitate to use it as a lethal weapon or an effective tool. Both women are loud, domineering and frequently obnoxious. Not content with this small garbage fire in my cranium, I kept right on thinking about Mom and Ellen and the smoke got thicker. Then I had my flash of genius: I pulled back a bit for a larger picture.
Ellen is pervert as is my daughter. Lesbians are mean and nasty as a group, and they are superb manipulators. They will use people with cunning and coldness and when their marks catch on, they will claim to be the victims.
Continuing to cogitate... I began to clinically compare and contrast my mom and my daughter and I started seeing all kinds of similarities between them. I kept running with that one... and realized that my daughter reminded me a lot of my mother... and when she vexed me the most - she was acting exactly like her grandmother! I thought to myself, “How ya like them apples, Filthie, you dumbass! It was a sin when your mom was flogging you for the sin of being like her father...and then you gave it to your own daughter with both barrels, for the sin of acting like your mother!!! HAR HAR HAR!!!”
That little epiphany has been stuck in my craw for a couple days now. I have been such an idiot!!! All of a sudden, my daughter is making sense too... in as much as a man can understand women I suppose. I believe there is a God, and a Grand Unifying Theory Of Everything too. And here, in my mid 50’s... I can just barely make out the roughest edges around both. What goes around comes around and depending on where you’re at on that Karmic Wheel, you may or may not notice whether the shit is coming or going. Perhaps there is a Thermodynamic Law Of The Conservation Of Shit? “Shit can neither be created or destroyed it can only change hands...”
Gah. I’m either gonna end up with a Nobel or in a rubber room if I keep thinking like this... and who wants that? This is one Karmic Wheel that I am getting off of! Daughter, if you are reading this... you have two generations of shit on your hands, I guess. I hope you handle it better than I did... but by the grace of God, I am finally getting some of it off my hands, and off my soul.
Thanks for stopping in and listening to me prattle, folks! Check your own soul over this Sunday, and give it a quick rinse and a shine if it needs it.