Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Sunday, 5 September 2021

Autumn Winds, This N’ That


The last week or so has been so odd. The fall is coming. I can smell it in the morn, the days are getting shorter, the nights get cooler and I’m reminded that soon I will blow away on the same winds that carry off the leaves each year. Old injuries ache in predictable ways, and serve to guide and remind me as I strive to avoid new ones. Few young ones might mistake this for some kind of wisdom.

An email scam last week just threw me into a complete flather, thinking my estranged daughter might finally want to talk after 6 or 7 years of stony silence. It put me into a short lived funk actually. A few hours on the range took the sting off, and then I was back to my usual extroverted retardation. But the bandaid on that wound had been half torn off… and I figured it was time to rip it right off and let some air get at the wound underneath.

I know both a lot and very little of my daughter at the same time. I used to keep tabs on her on the internet because I knew where she hung out, her screen names and those of her friends. I have some idea of the happenings in her life, how she thinks about certain things… enough to know she’s still alive and alright. I had troubles letting go of her when she left… and this type of spying was all that was left of our relationship. It’s pathetic. I finally stopped keeping tabs when she married her horse faced life partner last year. That was the event that finally convinced me she was gone, and wasn’t coming back, and I had no place in her life and path. I’d known it in my head for years… but a father’s heart wants what it wants. Mine finally gave up wanting what it could not have. Or so I thought.

In the wake of the email I decided to pop in and check on her again. I know, I know. But hear me out: when you rip the bandaid off, and then dance around in hideous rage and pain…there’s that short period where you wonder if the wound or cut underneath is causing real pain, or the hair (or fur, in my case) getting pulled out by the roots is. As the pain subsides… you slowly discover your cut has healed over and most of the pain from the bandaid removal was psychosomatic. I was checking up on my girl because I wanted to, not because I needed to. That is a big deal - for me at least.

She’s still alive. She had flunked her driver's test (she’s 36)…but at least she’s in the process of getting wheels and growing up. She’s working again. One of their friends is getting her tits cut off and is transitioning to be a man. She is still the same person. I closed that window on her life, and sighed. She has blown away with the autumn leaves. And ya know what? It’s alright. New ones will grow in both our lives. But she’s alive. That’s good enough, that's all I need to know. The rest was TMI.

After church it’s Battery Time. I gotta pull the cells on the mower and the camper and put them downstairs for the winter. I gotta push the mower round one more time and then it will be just raking leaves I suspect. Maybe I will get one more cut in before the leaves fly. I have to pull the pump off the car wash and take it in for the winter too. 

It’s good to stop and savour the cool fall winds especially after the summer heatwaves we’ve had… but the chores await, and i have to get on with them. I’ll let this bandaid flutter away on the breeze with the first leaves… and get back to it!

Thanks for popping in everybody. I hope your Sunday is grand, and that your chores and heart are light.

The kid is her father's daughter.
I suppose she runs against the wind too.


  1. My heart goes out to you. Your comments here ripped a very old bandage off of my heart. You at least know your daughter is alive. Our son was incommunicado off and on for many years. Finally 12 years ago, we received a phone call from a detective in OH saying our son had passed due to a drug overdose at the age of 40. Some say that time heals all wounds, but I don't know...many never do. God bless, take care.

    1. Gramps there's nothing you can do. The world lies at our kids, they fall for them and whatever happens to them after that is just a crap shoot. They must play the cards they're dealt as me must with ours. God bless you too.

  2. Yes sir, I think a lot of us have one or two that just stay in the shadow until we shine a light.

    It is still smoking hot down this way. Fall isn't in the air yet....

    1. We were warm yesterday too... so the thermometer is bouncing around as it does in early fall.

  3. Glen, I think - were most people to be honest in this InterWeb age - we have all at some point looked up one or more people from our past to see how they are doing. There remains in our hearts some dim connection that, in times past when such a thing was not possible, always wondered if things would resolve a different way. I am glad for you - not so much for the situation, which still seems unresolvable - but that you could do it, get the information, and then let it go. At some level, that is a form of healing.

    As to new leaves - I am going to write a review on it, but I might recommend the book The Benedict Option by Rod Dreher. It was a recommendation of Claire Wolfe and actually talks exactly about what Christians can and should be doing in a culture that is effectively lost. You have a great deal to offer, friend, and there are those that will value your knowledge.

    It is funny - I am two states away from New Home and one can almost feel the Fall in the air here.

    1. Yeah I saw Claire pop up on your blog and started reading her and then just stopped for some reason. I need to check her out again. I need something to read too. I just bought two stinker books that are so bad I won't finish them...

    2. Do Glen. She posts once a week (usually Mondays), so one has a whole week to catch up. And she really has a way with dissecting an issue to its core.

  4. We want the best for our children and we hope they follow a path we can respect and approve of. Your daughter for whatever reason has rejected a lot of your values and chosen a path that is guaranteed to constantly remind you of this. This is painful to you and your missus and I think can be a part of spiteful behavior on her part. How and why she chose her path is not up to you to resolve. Only she can deal with that and on her own time and terms.

    What causes kids to do things like this? Not sure. Mental illness or drug abuse? Their head being filled full of ideas that are counter to yours by some malignant outsider?

    It really does not matter because you cannot go back and change anything that has already happened. You are where you are and know that and why you are here.

    The real issue is what can you do now. You want to maintain that connection to your daughter as it affirms your presence on this earth. It is a sustaining connection even if it is tenuous.

    I get that and while my sons were growing up in their 20's they both had times where were not on the best of terms for a myriad of reasons. Eventually we found that we were not all that different and that we still cared about each other. Since then our bonds have strengthened.

    While I know you cannot 'approve' of your daughter's choices the fact is that they were not yours to approve or disapprove of unless she wanted them to be. Your disappointed and unsettled from her choices. This reflects her choices but not the fact that she is still your daughter. You still have a connection with her if only from the past. This is that bandaid you pulled off yet again.

    If she is willing, you can have a relationship with her but as you know it will be limited by hers and your ability to accept each other's lifestyles and respect your rights to make these choices. This means you may not have her and her current partner/friend/etc. over for dinner every week but you can exchange care and concerns for each other.

    Even if it is only via email or texts, it is better to be connected than to be removed from the situation. You do not need to accept her choices. You only need to respect her right to make them. She has to do the same for you.

    Remove the condemnation from both sides and there is a chance you can have some sort of meaningful relationship. Love of your children needs to be unconditional as theirs should be for you.

    Obviously, people can do and say things that can blow all of this out of the water. I would add that forgiveness is a virtue and not only is for those you forgive. It also is for you and acknowledges that we all can be horrible to each other despite where our hearts really lie.

    Forgiveness acceptance (not endorsement) and respect can restore some semblance of a relationship for you and your daughter and can become something you can feel good about.

    If you can break down the walls of disagreement and condemnation you will need to establish boundaries of conversations so you avoid re-igniting these disagreements.