Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Wednesday, 15 March 2023

The Canadian Retard Regiment Expeditionary Force

Attention all Soldiers Of Fortune!

That’s it! I’ve HAD it!!! Poor Justin Turdeau has been working frootlessly toward peace in the Kraine…and all anyone ever does is run their mouths about with thoughts and prayers or they make rude jokes about it!!!!😡

I’ve decided to personally put an end to all this, and have signed all the tards up for immediate deployment to the Kraine! This includes YOU!

BCE tells us that we all have to supply our own equipment and battle rattle! So here are the rules: casting common sense, intellect and any thought of self preservation aside

  1. What rifle will you be taking? (It has to be one you currently own). Also required will be your pistol and “go-to” blade. 
  2. Assume (at your peril) the Ukes will supply rudimentary camping accommodation. What other gear would you take? Watch? Sleeping bag/system? Any cool gizmos that might make the trip easier?
  3. What are your salary expectations? (Again…assuming you’re dumb enough to go in the first place?)
I am too old and too outta shape to even consider it…. But…

- AR15, probably with an Eotech site.
- HK 45 Tactical
- Kershaw small quick-flipper knife
- what kind of pay would be appropriate, assuming a 50% chance that you’re coming back in a box or in pieces?

Cripes… we used to backpack…and still have a lot of the junk…but that’s camping gear, not milspec battle rattle! What kind of gear does a serious merc even take for something like this? Can any squaddies make any recommendations? Remember…you must supply your own gear! How much would it cost to assemble your “kit”…?

It’s actually hard for me to think like this - my only experience are back country hunts and fishing trips that were recreational in nature. I can do those in my sleep…but…kit? For a squaddie?

All recommendations would be sincerely appreciated! 😂👍


  1. Mine would just consist of a big sack of "NO"

  2. You have to go. Your unit needs their Field Marshal.


    1. "Having an emergency tea kettle for war is the most aggressively British thing I will ever hear"
      Sah! where are the bloody wogs?

  3. Canadian Foreign Legion15 March 2023 at 15:26

    Fully Automatic Pez Dispenser.
    Japanese Nambu pistol.
    Hecho en China plastic knife.
    Fifteen cents per hour.

  4. WWIII will be coming to your locale.
    Time is short so get in shape and get good with your gear.
    Whatever you can afford and consistently hit the target with.
    There will be abandoned weapons to pick and choose from as well.
    Sheer iron will and discipline to survive by any means necessary comes in handy.

  5. Well....aside from the fact that this sounds like an EXTREMELY shitty deal and there are a dozen reasons right off the bat to avoid this like a case of the clap...

    What I'd carry over there would be largely dependent upon what kinds of missions I'd be doing over there and what the logistics are like.

    Assuming it'd be a light infantry rifleman role, however....I'd likely bring some extra cash and procure weapons on the ground whilst I'm over there. Reason being, I don't know what the resupply situation is like where I'm working. The fact I have to supply my own kit in the first place tells me it's probably close to nonexistent. I'd want a rifle in a caliber that is commonly used by either friendlies or OPFOR so that extra ammunition wouldn't be difficult to find if I'm running short. I wouldn't be terribly worried about a pistol, given that it, and the required ammunition, would just be extra weight I'd have to lug around in the field that ISN'T ammo for my primary weapon. If one was available, I'd take anything in 9mm - again, ammo that's commonly found.

    Taking your own weapons out of the country would be probably next to impossible anyway, at least in the case of Canada.

    Aside from a chest rig with enough mag pouches to carry a full combat loadout (10 - 12 mags) plus some TQs/IFAK shit, maybe an OTIS kit for my weapon, and a decent field knife, I'd probably want my '64 pattern ruck (the American version is the ALICE pack). It's a good ruck that can carry plenty of ammo and water, and with the A7 straps, I could also maybe lash on a PR24 radio or maybe a mortar tube or LAAWS if available/needed.

    I can tell you from experience that if you're in a light infantry role, you're not gonna getting a whole hell of a lot of sleep, so the 'sleep system'/gucci camping shit or whatever is just more weight you don't need/won't be able to carry. I might bring a ranger blanket and a poncho w/some 550 paracord, if anything at all, but again: ammo and water are critical, so I'd keep the snivel kit to a minimum. A few pairs of wool socks, a small can of foot powder, and some minimal toiletries would be good, too.

    One other thing is, again, not knowing what logistics and accommodations are like, it'd probably not be wise to bring a whole bunch of shit anyway that you'd have to pack in a foot locker. Nevermind the fact that you don't even know if you'd have anywhere decent to keep your shit, but you don't know the guys who will be around you all the time. It's bad enough being in a position where I'm putting my life in the hands of guys I don't even know and haven't trained or worked with before. Not sure if I'd trust them to NOT steal my shit as well.

    A somewhat long way of saying: anyone stupid enough to put themselves in a shit sandwich like that deserves whatever happens to them.

  6. I'll be taking a BB gun and a six pack. And a dapper headcoat.

  7. Ok, pal- all I need is my trusty SKS truck gun. No need for a blade. If it comes to that, you ain't doin' good enough job with the popgun. As far as human torso support, get me reservations at a place with complementary breakfasts.

    1. I identify as Texson. I've got a super bitchen M59 Yugo. Watch out Ruskie Orcs! Unless they have vodka, then I'm defecting.

  8. Mind you, I ain't goin', my kid ain't goin', nope: screw those people. But...

    "What rifle will you be taking? (It has to be one you currently own). Also required will be your pistol and “go-to” blade."

    My old 12 gauge coach gun, my old carpet-cuttin' utility knife, and my old tire knocker.

    "Assume (at your peril) the Ukes will supply rudimentary camping accommodation. What other gear would you take? Watch? Sleeping bag/system? Any cool gizmos that might make the trip easier?"

    My old wraparound blanket (it's warm and dries fast), my old field jacket (it's warm and it dries fast), roll of duct tape, bottle of aspirin, jar of peanut butter, a roll of toilet paper, a new lighter and a carton of cigarettes (all mine: I ain't sharin' squat [might make an exception if we're talkin' about coffee...does six squares of asswipe equal a cup of joe?]).

    "What are your salary expectations? (Again…assuming you’re dumb enough to go in the first place?)"

    Nada (and since I ain't gettin' paid, nobody gets to tell me diddly-squat...I'm gonna shoot 'em all, Ruski, Ukie). -Henry

  9. A bolt action with a sweet scope, a large Buck knife and some gold coins to buy a Stetchkin machine pistol when I get there. Crye cammies, Tactical Taylor plate carrier and pouches. Lindsey Beige had a video of a British vet of the war with more good advice on kit.

  10. No gear or weapons needed. Just wear a blm/antifa/diversity/pride t-shirt. Stilettos and a man purse would be a bonus. That shit is bulletproof don’t ya know. No one would dare harm the special, entitled people being shoved down our throats. And in your best Greta voice yell ‘how dare you! Stop shooting guns, your gun smoke is polluting the environment!’ And instantly, everyone will lay down their weapons and worship the high priestess of climate change. Then demand million for ending the war in the name of inclusion, equality, equity and global warming and reparations. And top it off with a Medal of Honor and a Pulitzer peace prize. Sarc.

    Jaded Girl

  11. Russian Mosin Nagant Model 1944 Carbine 7.62x54R Bolt Action Rifle with folding bayonet.

    Springfield model 1911... anyone who doesn't know what a 1911 Mil-Spec is can ask someone else.

    Gerber boot knife.

    I'd also take $1000 in small bills, any decent water purification system, iodine, kool-aide, candy bars, a three season tent, ground cloth, standard sleeping bag (I don't remember the brand and I'm not going to dig it out for this idiot response I'm writing - what is wrong with me, anyway? Why am I nuts?)

    I want $1000 USD per day.

  12. My kit includes all politicians, their sons, their wives, all bureaucrats and all lawyers that work in the DC beltway. Oh and former politicians, can't leave hitlery out.

  13. I’m going to take my break barrel pellet rifle, Bazooka Joe bubble gum, and a Mountain Dew. They’ll be mine by sunset.