Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Tuesday, 19 April 2016

Poetry Corner: Ode Tae A Fart

Quiet everyone! Settle down...please! Take your seats...!

Today at the Thunderbox I would like to recite for you the poetry of my people on a subject dear to our hearts on this particular blog. Ladies and gentlemen if I could have your undivided attention for a few golden moments? In the tradition of the greatest of  the Scottish bards - Rabbie Burns!

Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie
Lurks in your belly efter the feastie
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin
There sterts to stir an enormous wind
The neeps and tatties and mushy peas
Stert workin like a gentle breeze
But soon the puddin wi the sauncie face
Will have ye blawin all ower the place

Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
A'body's gonnae hiv tae pay
Even if ye try tae stifle
It's like a bullet oot a rifle
Hawd yer bum tight tae the chair
Tae try and stop the leakin air
Shifty yersel fae cheek tae cheek
Prae tae God it doesnae reek

But aw yer efforts go assunder
Oot it comes like a clap o thunder
Ricochets aroon the room
Michty me a sonic boom
God almighty it fairly reeks
Hope I huvnae shit my breeks
Tae the bog I better scurry
Aw whit the hell it's no ma worry

A'body roon aboot me chokin
Wan or two are nearly bokin
I'll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile
Wiz him! I shout with accusin glower
Alas too late, he's just keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger they shout and stare
A dinnae feel welcome any mair

Where e'ere ye go let yer wind gan' free
Sounds like just the job fur me
Whit a fuss at rabbie's party
Ower the sake o one wee farty


  1. I fancy your thunderbox Filthie. Definitely a thing of
    beauty and a work of art. The fit & finish is exquisite
    so the builder is a true craftsman but don't you think
    it's a bit small. BTW who built it for you? HAR HAR
    I assume it accompanies you on your camping trips because
    obviously a classy, refined gent such as yourself can't
    just dump anywhere. HAR HAR.
    Gotta go take my estrogen.

    1. NP - I'm kinda offended at that! I can and have crapped in places that shouldn't be crapped or pooped in. And I've improvised materials to wipe with that will give women and civilians nightmares!

      I only sit on the T-Box when I am holding court or lecturing. ;)

  2. Mind if I recite this at the Burns dinner next year?

    1. Go for it WL! But - I didn't write this fine poem - I scammed it off the internet and don't know who did!

      If you ever find out who wrote it and he's at that dinner - can you get me his autograph?