I hope you boys have a good ol' fashioned Father's Day...and if ya don't have kids of your own, make sure you try and make it one for Pop!
Fathers Day and Mothers Day used to be really tough around here. While my daughter was growing up they were never a big deal, sometimes we got cards and small gifts, sometimes not, usually we went out for lunch or BBQ's with my wife's parents or mine.
Ten years ago, my daughter was a beautiful, smart young lady with the world by the tail... and I was so proud. It was all I could do not to gloat about how proud I was of my daughter and her prospects. There's parables and scriptures about fools and pride, how pride goes before a fall. When Uncle Bob lectures about the deadly sins a man can commit - he sometimes talks about hubris. I sent my daughter off to university with all that I could give her. All my hopes and pride rode hard on that girl and perhaps the load was too much to bear. Perhaps something happened at school and I was not there to help. Who knows? Long story short - my beautiful daughter left home for school in another city - and somehow came back a wretched, sullen, angry militant lesbian social justice warrior. Of course we clashed and my family tore itself to shreds. We haven't spoken in 5 or 6 years now and probably never will again. Such a wretched woman she's become that I dunno if that is a bad thing or not. For the last half decade, our angry parting was a shit stain across my soul that just wouldn't come out. I've been angry and sullen too.
They say there are five or seven stages of grief but for me it was one great big long, hard suck. When I started this blog a few months back I was still under a cloud of grief that didn't show any signs of lifting. But finally....FINALLY... a couple months back, the pain started to fade. I had done my best as a father, had somehow failed spectacularly - but that the game was over and done and it was time to move on. I had no more tears, no more grief, no more anger. I have regrets - but that's all they are now.
Dawn Patrol: 5:45AM. Captain Sweatpants does more by 9AM
than you'll do all day...
EDIT: After Dawn Patrol I came home and went back to bed!!! Errrr... Captain Sweatpants
tells more lies by 9:00 AM than you will all year...
I'm alright. If you should happen across this blog, Spud - Mom and I are fine and hope you are too.
You didn't "fail spectacularly" as a father. You raise your kids. You teach them right from wrong. You give them whatever wisdom you have. That's all you can do. At some point, your kids become adults, responsible for their own actions. What they do after that is on them; not you. Happy Fathers' Day. Go fire up the hog and get some bugs in your teeth!
ReplyDeleteYA I don't know. I can't say I have ever had any experience or even known anyone who did along the lines you are dealing with. My guess is time will heal things between your daughter and you and change her back more than it seems possible to you now.
ReplyDeleteDon't blame yourself though as we are in a world we didn't create ourselves and no way to shelter those we love from it anymore. My guess is that the way things are going soon family will mean more than it does currently and your daughter at least will be finding that out.
don't want to upset you, but sometimes an assault will cause this condition. when the dam breaks prepare for much stress as the poison comes out and the healing begins, whatever the cause of the trouble.
ReplyDeletein the meantime put it all in Jesus' hands.
we are so small and we know nothing.
the devil is strong against s but God is Almighty.
read yesterday's post at 'way up north' for inspiration, and read the comments.
God bless your family with healing.
Stop beating yourself up. You didn't fail, or even fail spectacularly. I've been reading your blog for quite a while, and I can tell you in all truth and honesty that I would gladly give three years off the back of my life to have a father like you.
ReplyDeleteYou got up each morning and did the best that you could do, and that's more than a lot of fathers ever do.
You're a good man. Here's a hoist of the old bourbon glass to you, Sir. Lord bless you and keep you.
Thanks for stopping by with the kind words, you guys. This morning I ate my fill of bugs as per Pete and washed them down with rainwater. Then I came home, frozen to the bone...and went back to sleep! The darn dawg snuggled up to me and I was carried away. Woke up at NOON - and did some chores and then MY father dropped in! He's gonna be 75! Mom gave the wife her grandmother's wedding ring today too - an old family heirloom finds its next home! Now my wife is off to the grocery store to pick up some things for supper - she's making me her spaghetti.
ReplyDeleteDeborah... you could never upset me! Thanks for stopping by! I get mad at guys like PP and Uncle Bob - but the ladies always get a free pass, and us guys never fight where the women can see us. ;) It has been a superlative Father's Day here at Castello Di La Filthie - and you guys are part of it!
Thanks again for dropping in!
Glen, I wish I knew what to say for you.We, as parents, do the best we can, raising our kids. However the world around us devalues us as men, as fathers, and conservative people. It is cradle to grave now. I could not afford to send my kid to "university" Still he was indoctrinated all through his school years. I spent many hours trying to un do it, but I am just one voice, when every other voice he heard was full throated socialist policy. I am afraid they are winning too, look at the Bernie rallys...There is still hope for your daughter, maybe not to be exactly the person you hoped for, but at least some of the values you instilled are still inside her. Leave the door open, and one day you just might be surprised. My Son will be 33 in a month, had his first kid in February...He is a chef, and works his butt off, and as he ages, he understands more of the things I tried to teach him. It is all you can hope for I think. Happy Fathers day from some ol fat US dude.
ReplyDeleteGlen, I wish I knew what to say for you.We, as parents, do the best we can, raising our kids. However the world around us devalues us as men, as fathers, and conservative people. It is cradle to grave now. I could not afford to send my kid to "university" Still he was indoctrinated all through his school years. I spent many hours trying to un do it, but I am just one voice, when every other voice he heard was full throated socialist policy. I am afraid they are winning too, look at the Bernie rallys...There is still hope for your daughter, maybe not to be exactly the person you hoped for, but at least some of the values you instilled are still inside her. Leave the door open, and one day you just might be surprised. My Son will be 33 in a month, had his first kid in February...He is a chef, and works his butt off, and as he ages, he understands more of the things I tried to teach him. It is all you can hope for I think. Happy Fathers day from some ol fat US dude.
ReplyDeleteraise up a child in the way in which he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.
ReplyDeletedoesn't say anything about the years between childhood and old age!
Anything can happen. Ya never say never.
ReplyDeleteI always tell people in times of sorrow, when they lose someone, to make sure they take time out to care for themselves as well as everyone else. It took me half a decade to realize those just weren't words for other people and that I should take my own advice! How smart is that? HAR HAR HAR!
I'm okay! I'm not hurting anymore the way I was. Life is good...again. Hope it is for you too, Bogan! Hope your Fathers Day was good too!