Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Wednesday, 5 October 2016

Dawg Problems

Here at the Castle our night time security is divided up between the dogs. Usually Mort sleeps downstairs and watches the street for dangerous rabbits, cats, and suspicious neighbours and sounds the alarm when his perimeter is breached. Macey is upstairs with us and only leaves to go downstairs to help Mort bark at intruders.

Ye gods. The night before last I awoke to a horrible stench in the bedroom ((no, it wasn't me, but you would be correct to suspect it), and no, it wasn't the wife! And you would be correct to suspect that too, HAR HAR HAR!)). Friggin MACEY cut a fart so bad that I could SEE it - in the DARK at two a.m. in the bloody morning! It was the kind of stink that sticks to the roof of your mouth and your ribs! She and Mort had scored a couple bones from their Mom who had been making soupage and stuff and it lit her up. I couldn't get back to sleep and went to work with my butt dragging all day.

So last night,  Mort is downstairs moaning and groaning and the wife gets up to go let him out, thinking he had to go. But no, he was moaning and groaning because there was that beshitted neighbourhood cat strutting back and forth on the front veranda on the living room window sill. So Mort and Macy go out and put the run on the bloody cat at 1:30 in the morning, and my wife had to put on clothes and shoes and put the run on them to get them back. She shoulda let them go!

In any event I probably have had about 4 ~ 6 hours sleep in the last 48! As you can imagine, a guy like me needs all the beauty sleep he can get. I'm gonna go downstairs, fish out a pistol and some ammo and if some idiot canine shits himself, or sounds false alarms in the middle of the night - I will start shooting!!!!

Maybe I should drop them off at the Treehouse in the middle of the night. Uncle Bob likes dogs and these two morons would fit right in over there...  :)


  1. Whatever you do; don't give 'em CHICKEN! ...Unless of course you're trying to remove the paint and wallpaper from the inside of your house...

    My wife sometimes gives the Chihuahua and German Shepherd scraps of chicken... The next call is invariably to Ghost Busters...