Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Thursday, 6 October 2016

Never thought ya could find yourself feeling sorry for Jaws, didjya?

Every sin a man ever commits is avenged when he has children. The wife and kids NEVER step on lego or toys - ever notice that? My daughter and I have always been at odds but even when she was small she knew how to rattle me and drive me nuts. One day I was trooping down the stairs (probably carrying a couple pies - but I disremember) and stepped on a toy and went sprawling down the rest. I even remember the sound:


I sprawled at the bottom of the stairs and took the pain like a trooper. "Ow," I remember saying matter of factly, proud to be holding back the rage-filled "GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" that I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs.

Then my daughter toddled up with her plush stuffed bunny rabbit in her arms and asks "Why do you step on the toys Dad? Why don't you watch out for them like Mom and I do...?" Looking back, maybe I should have murdered her on the spot. I only woulda got 7 years in Canada for it, plus time off for good behaviour, I would be out by now! HAR HAR HAR!!!

Hmmmmm. An interesting line of thought: My wife would have divorced me and found a doctor/lawyer/professor type to replace me with. She would be driving around in a Jag or a BMW and her parents would be thrilled. I would probably be squatting in a wood heated tar paper shack up in the Yukon with an out house, a dozen chickens scrabbling and squawking about, spending my dole money on home brew and the odd bag of dope! Scratch that, what am I thinking? I would grow my own weed! I would be so far off the grid not even the tax man could be bothered with me! There's a magazine that I see once in awhile called The Backwoodsman - it's all about beardos and weirdos doing the 'subsitence living' thing. They're usually old bums like BW and Wirecutter finding cheap and dangerous ways to amuse themselves. (Make your own 600 lb. crossbow from an old wheelbarrow and a shock abosorber!!!!) That? That is living!

Looks like everyone missed some opportunities the day I fell down the stairs in 1986! HAR HAR HAR!

1 comment:

  1. You missed the "WHUMP!-WHAM!" when you hit the bottom of the stairs, Glen!

    Then there's the dog; you know; the cute puppy your wife (or daughter) wanted so bad, so you got it for her; the cute puppy that grew up to resemble an army boot-sized hair clog harvested from the bathroom drain. There was a divine plan for that thing too; to commence barking the moment you try to sneak out of the house in the early morning!

    Yes, Glen; contrary to what the Evangelicals think, the Catholics were right; there IS a Purgatory, and it IS a place on Earth!