Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Wednesday, 14 December 2016

Daring The Stupid Kids

When I was a kid in junior high school stupid boys like us were weeded out of the general pop., re-defined as 'Opportunity Students' and put into special classes where there was arts n' crafts, play-doh if ya promised not to eat it, and really short school buses to get you to and from school without getting beat up by the regular kids. Today that would be referred to on a university campus as a "safe place"... although I think that's a bit of a misnomer. Safe places are full of sexually disturbed degenerates, or shrieking chubster feminists or other failed liberal social experiments! Not the kind a people I would feel safe around, anyways...

Greetings from Social Justice Warrior Safe Place Headquarters!
Yannow I wish I had a dime for every time a regular woman
greeted me like that...
And yannow what else? I'll bet this chick was an Op
when she was younger too! HAR HAR HAR!!!

Contemptuously referred to as 'Ops' by the cool kids - we slow kids were shunned and ostracized by the kids in general pop. But we did our best to make ourselves useful. I still remember the school stampedes at lunch time - the lunch bell would go off, the kids would chimp out - and go running down the hall at full speed! One day one of the Ops helpfully barfed in the hallway just before the stampede - and when the kids hit it at 30 MPH they had their own indoor version of a 'Slip-N-Slide'. Another time - some kind hearted soul gave one of the Ops a duck call - and for a couple weeks afterward that kid would roam the halls, calling ducks all day long through school hours and drive the teachers and kids batty. It took the teachers weeks to figure out which Op was doing it and taking the call away from him. The best one of all time though - was when Pee Head taught the Ops how to shut down the school! There was a great big bejeezus breaker down a service corridor that were off limits to students. Pee Head discovered that if you were fast - an enterprising hell-raiser could scoot down that corridor, throw the breaker - and be out and gone before the teachers knew what was going on. He did it a couple times and then showed the Ops how to do it - and for weeks afterward we were having intermittent 'brown outs'. The teachers were checkmated because the Ops had diplomatic immunity because of their unique learning challenges... But Pee Head had no such immunity and when his involvement in corrupting the Ops was discovered - he caught the very hell of it! He got strapped and suspended - the perfect punishment for a 13 year old turd brain. (I would have gotten it too but he didn't rat me out for my involvement. Gotta admire that to tell ya the truth...)

Suffice it to say there are those among us that delight in using the slow witted as a means to their own twisted ends and enjoyment! And so it was that I received an anonymous e-mail from a reader who is also a connoisseur of classical Canadian musicians like Nestor Pistor. So it is, just as those poor Ops were subverted by the forces of evil in my youth - that I am subverted by the faster thinking regular kids that wish to exploit my stupidity for their own fiendish gain. Ladies and gentlemen: submitted for your delectation, please turn up the volume, and give a listen to The Wurzels singing the songs of their kadiddle hopping, stubble-jumping people from the flatlands of Saskatchewan:

Hmmmm. Kinda like a rural version of Weird Al Yankovic...
Admit it. You won't see stuff like this
on any other blog on the internet!

Had enough yet? No? Would ya like some more, or would ya like some more?

Now if you'll excuse me... I'm off to pull a few fire alarms....


  1. I just want to know what happened to the finial on the chair.

  2. You got me beat, Glen. The most exciting thing that ever happened at my high school was when someone discovered that Bic lighters, when set to "blowtorch mode" (remember that?) did a fine job of lighting the plexiglas windows of the cafeteria on fire...

    As for the Wurzels; this might be one of those "chicken or the egg" things, but did the flatlands of Saskatchewan make the Wurzels what they are, or did the Wurzels make the flatlands of Saskatchewan what they are?

    ...And how did people spell "Saskatchewan" before spellchecker?...