Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Thursday, 18 May 2017

Captain Sweatpants VS The Yodeller

This morning on Dawn Dawg Patrol I was stumbling along at 5:30 Zulu when an Escalade screeched to a halt in front of us. The window rolled down and a pretty trophy wife and her ankle biter dog were in the window!

"Oh, thank heavens!" She said to her little mutt, "It's Captain Sweatpants and his K9 Crime Fighters!" The woman was in a righteous flather and her little dog was shaking so bad he couldn't even muster up a bark. "Good morning, Miss," I said in my deep authoritative voice, "What seems to be the issue?" So the lady spills: there was a great, big, smelly coyote in the soccer field just round the corner. The thing had made a stalk on her and her little poofter of a dog, and they got to the car before the yodeller could get nasty. They were both frightened to death, HAR HAR HAR!

"Not to worry, Miss! Me and my team are lethal hunters and we'll run him off!" So she thanks us, rolls up the window - and we stalk off to the soccer field while she peels out for home. We got round the corner and sure enough, right in the middle of town - there's a big ass coyote looking at us! She wasn't lying - this was a BIG 'yote.

Coyotes are ordinarily cowardly things, but this one lowered his head... and started creeping toward us. "I wouldn't," I warned the cur. He stopped at the words - and then resumed his stalk.

And then Mort lost his shit!

That damned dog goes from a big fluffy harmless goof to a DEFCON 5 killing machine in seconds. He starts barking and yanking at his leash as if to say "Let me off, gawddammit!! He'll get away! LET ME OFF!!!"

Mort's tantrum made the cur think twice and he lost interest in us and sidled away... but Mort continued to freak out! I booted his ass, and then he started thrashing around trying to bark, slip his leash and avoid getting his ass kicked. Eventually I connected again, hard this time... and the rage slowly left his tone as he continued to wuff and growl. Anyone that knows Mort knows him as a friendly snuggler that thinks he's a lap dog. He even smiles at people he likes - which is just about everyone. But if he senses the merest hint of a threat, he does this Jekyll and Hyde thing that is creepy as hell!

In any event, the intruder left and hasn't returned yet - and law and order were restored. We are gonna head out again and make sure the interloper is gone for good. Your Friendly Neighbourhood Captain Sweatpants is always on duty!

The urbanization of wildlife is getting bizarre. We have pelicans coming up here now, along with the odd bald eagle too. No - I haven't been drinking (although you would be correct to suspect it), responsible adults have seen these critters too and will confirm it. I have even seen deer in the middle of town now.

I wonder if all this is a bad thing?


  1. Tell the city-slickers that coyotes are animal illegal aliens and they must be nice to them.

    1. The bunny-huggers tend to get realistic when their cats and dogs start to go AWOL. :)

  2. There is a video clip that had some popularity about a year ago. A guy has a security camera on his porch, and it covers the front yard and the street of the house next door. A coyote comes across the yard dragging a little dog by the neck (a Chihuahua or something), and it looks pretty bad for the dog. Then the little dog's buddy dog, a full grown Rottweiler, leaps over the back yard fence and takes off after the coyote. The Rottie and coyote go around and around, literally looking like a cartoon, then the coyote takes off with the Rottie in hot pursuit. Pretty soon the Rottie comes trotting back, and the two dogs return to the little dog's back yard.

    If that coyote didn't break and run for it, you should have shot it. Well, you should have shot it anyway. And I heard from a few friends that the Great Pyrenees are pure hell on coyotes.