Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Tuesday, 27 June 2017

Meanwhile In Africa

World famous author, adventurer and explorer - WL Emery is captured by the Oogah Boogah tribe while searching for the lost city of gold...

I wish I could write. I suppose I could if I cheated and ripped off an old Tarzan comic book and just changed the names a bit. I suppose it's an indicator of how old I am - when I was a kid there were still Africans around that lived in mud huts at a Stone Age level of technology - and the anthropologists threw a hissy fit when they hiked into these out of the way places to find the natives playing with Zippos and flashlights. There were still unexplored parts of the earth. Guys like Jacques Cousteau could sail to parts unknown and bring back fascinating tales of the human animal and his environment from far away places.

But the recon satellites, the GPS and modern technology have put an end to all that. There are no lost cities of gold, or valleys that time forgot, or tribes of singing, dancing apes.

Oh stuff it, you racist bastid! I know what you're thinking! Hmpfff! Suppose that makes me racist too, HAR HAR HAR!!! I'm sorry everyone! Shame on me! Perhaps some virtue signalling is in order: Errrrmmm.... that boy dancing in the pic will sure make a fine astronaut or doctor one day!!!

Funny how a few trite words makes a racist as clean as the pure and driven snow, eh?   :)


  1. A trainer at the health club said this would be good for the knees. Tried it, and then got a ride to the E.R.

    1. The other one is yoga for old farts - that's a one way ticket to traction too...

  2. I know what you mean. Africa really was the dark continent, and explorers really did explore. You had to pack up all your gear, and back then tents were made of canvas and wood, as was most everything else that was supposed to be lightweight. Don't forget your rifle and your elephant gun, and you might want to take along a case or two of the old reliable Enfield Mk 1 and some ammo, because not all native tribes were friendly trader types. In fact, a couple Maxim guns would be nice, along with some dynamite. A spare compass is always good, but you can forget about a map - that's why you're going to Africa, right? Doctor Livingstone? Source of the Nile? Fighting off headhunters, black water fever, and tsetse flies?

    Then there's the occasional witch doctor that tries to poison you.

    And remember, don't drink before noon, and don't go to bed quite sober.