Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Wednesday, 7 June 2017

Pit Masters

I just saw my first episode on Netflix. They get a bunch of bums and give them a pile of meat to burn on the BBQ and even though the contestants are full blown BBQ chefs - the judges are too and they tell them what a rotten job they did afterward. The wife picked out a foodie show about Japanese chefs. Remember those Ramen noodles you lived on as a bachelor? Welp - they had an old millionaire nipper on the show and he was doing ramen noodles the way he does in his posh restaurant in Japan. He puts in a boiled egg, sliced up steak and other stuff and all of a sudden these unpretentious noodles become a snobbish dining experience. The wife started doing that and she does a better job of it than the old restauranteur does!

I'm never gonna lose weight.

In any event, I made it a class assignment for my students at Uncle Bob's School For Wayward Boys And Retards to go out and bring back some delectable ethnic food for the rest of us to sample and judge.

I was gonna give BW Bandy an F for this one. He started whining about how he
got it from Skinny Dick at the Twin Buttes Bar & Grill.
When I unwrapped it to throw it on the grill it farted in my face.
All I gotta do is figure out how to send these to our
Prime Minister, Turdo La Doo!

Mad Jack was hunting Norks in North Korea and stopped in to this place.
He sent us a doggie bag in the mail
Fortunately it got lost in transit.

Given that retards have their diets strictly supervised and eat a lot of health food - I think I might have been pushing them a little too hard on this one. I figured that Quartermain would have no problem with it - he has an IQ of 23 and is the brains in the classroom...

Ulp. I used to think Uncle Bob had it easy as the headmaster
of our fine academic institution.
Now I am learning how awful this job truly is. I hate

I don't trust furriners. I dunno if it's true or not but back in the day when tarts were getting tatted up one of the coolest ones was some Japanese or Chinese character was all the rage, and all the bubble gummers had to have it for a tramp-stamp. Later it turned out that the character translated into English as 'whore'. HAR HAR HAR!

I ain't eatin' none a this chit, kids! But if you want to - by all means... be my guest!  ;)


  1. go out and bring back some delectable ethnic food...

    Oh, my sweet skydiving heavenly daze. I don't even want to know what you were thinking.

    1. It's the stress of the job, Jack. My tastes in ethnic food now start and end at Tex-Mex.

      I ain't ever eating anything from India again.