Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Sunday, 10 September 2017

Hinterland: Who's Who

We don't have racoons in Alberta - or if we do, I have never seen one.

Come to think of it we don't have crocs either - except for the ones that old geezers (and Yours Truly) wear.


  1. Replies
    1. I am betting it was down south, BW. A couple friends have seen them too but I never have.

  2. Looks more like a croc-head to me, Glen...

    1. Question for ya, Pete? Why do Americans hate them so much? Wirecutter is always posting rude pics of them and making jokes about them. I'm asking in all seriousness because I have never come close to one... and as a kid I read stories where other kids domesticated them and kept them as pets...

    2. They get into everything, shit everywhere and make a mess. They'll take up residence in your attic and tear the shit out of everything, cause thousands in damage, then the animal rights activists will burn a cross in your yard if you're caught evicting the 35 pound pest with a shotgun. And yeah, they really do get up to 35 or 40 pounds, and they are nothing to mess with.

      We had a three legged raccoon living in our woods that Mom felt sorry for and started feeding, and after a few nights he'd come right out and meet her when she brought out food for him.

      The coons would live out in the barn, and as long as they left the cats alone Mom would let 'em be, but that didn't last. Mom used live animal traps and would relocate them up into Michigan near a stream.

      The real danger is Baylisascaris (CDC and Discover Magazine), along with rabies if you're far South enough. Survivors of baylisascariasis are left either profoundly retarded or in a permanent vegetative state. Nice, huh? Your dog can catch it too.

      As far as keeping a raccoon as a pet, read Rascal by Sterling North. I don't care how old you are, this is a good read and a true story. I've been to tour the North home in Wisconsin, seen the living room, the barn where Sterling North carved some graffiti, the whole works. When the book got published, North's family dropped both jack boots on him, as they felt it didn't paint them in a very good light. Well, that depends - Sterling North was largely unsupervised, but he was the sort of boy who didn't need much supervision. Go ahead and read it; I've still got the copy the my maternal grandmother gave me, and it's still a great read.

      North grew up to be a writer, and wrote another book that damned near got him lynched. I won't write about that here - you'll have to find it for yourself.

    3. You can use bungee cords, cables, springs, chains, whatever; these things will get the lid off your trashcan anyhow. When they don't want to be bothered, they're mean as hell. You won't know when they don't want to be bothered until they're chasing you into your car or into the lake, either. I got chased into my car by one when I was a teenager; I surprised it out of its sleep when I went to open the boat rental concession at the local lake. I got to my car and got inside, soon to be joined by a park ranger who made the same mistake. They look small, but aren't. The aggressor in my story was easily head & shoulders above the door of my '59 Ford Fairlane. How do I know? The beast was trying to get into the car as well. My German Shepherd tied it up with one in front of my house about a year ago. Believe it or not, it was an even match.

      I don't hate 'em. They're just not the cute, tame little things TV and Hollweird make them out to be...

    4. Truth. Full grown bears will back off from an angry adult raccoon.