Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Friday, 29 December 2017

Stayin' Warm

It's easy to stay warm up here in the great white north when you're out working or moving around. It's when ya stop that the cold sets in. As a younger man it never bothered me because I was invincible and my blood ran hot. As an old geezer - things're slowing down ... thining out... and the less said about that the better! HAR HAR HAR!!!

Went out on Christmas and poor Macey just crippled up in the cold. She's getting old, but she walked it out and still managed to enjoy herself. For me - I was thermally shocked. We literally went from 0C to about -20C (which is normal and fairly mild around here) - and I couldn't take it either! The warm weather had turned me into a pussy!  :)

I knew this all was coming though and a couple months back I said to hell with winter - I was going to by the best damn parka I could and thumb my nose at winter and weather.

That's a Canada Goose 'Resolute' parka.
God help me, I've turned into a yuppie faggot!
I need some granola!!!!

Up here only the Usual Suspects wear these. We're talking about the flat chested women with bad haircuts (they'll wear these things with sandals), the skinny beardo hipsters with arms like celery stalks that smell like death and excrement, you know the type. The "Choco-mocha-with-cinnamon-sprinkles-latte" crowd.

I don't care about any of that - I wanted the best damn parka I could get so I finally bought one. It cost me an arm an a leg but it was worth it. This garment is built. I only have one problem with it: it may be a little too warm! This parka is the real deal - the kind you see the National Geographic guys wearing at the South Pole. I've never had a coat this warm in my life. It was -20C out this morning and I was sweating. This coat won't come in to it's own till about -30C, methinks.

Which means it would be just perfect for the varminteer who's set up on the bushline to snipe a few coyotes with the trusty 22-250 - or maybe the old stubfart fishing through the ice for some perch or rainbows. I was out at the rifle range in -20C with it, sitting at the concrete bench with the wind blowing and I was as snug as a bug in a rug - and I had the whole range to myself that day.

I guess my final assessment is this: for a younger, more active man in moderate climates like mine, this thing might be overkill. For an older, more sedate sporting gent - it has it's place. I am just itchin' for the -30C weather now though.

Wonder if the dawgs are as pumped as I am?  :)


  1. husband has down parka from winterpeg 40+years old. we have sorel glacier boots good to minus 84 fahrenheit.
    no messing around here.
    suggest you get dog a jacket and some booties. cold not good for doggy arthritis. vet has supplements for dog to help with joint pain.

    1. We tried the booties before, Deb, but the old bint flat out refuses to wear them or any other clothing for that matter. I think it's a psychological thing. Macey is a pound-puppy and probably has some weird psychological problems...

  2. I looked up your parka on Amazon, and it's out of my price range in this lifetime. Next lifetime isn't looking good either. It is, however, everything a man could ever want in a parka designed to keep the average Canuk from freezing to death in weather that you blithely refer to as a bit brisk. While I'm thinking of it, let me remind you that not all of your readers are wrong headed enough to think in terms of the Celsius thermometer scale; we use the Fahrenheit scale, as nature and great intelligence intended.

    So... -20C translates into 4° below zero, which is colder than a whore's heart. As for the wind chill that the weather nitwits keep carping about, I don't count it. If some SJW moonbat can't figure out that it's colder standing out in the wind than it is huddled up in the outhouse, then they deserve to freeze to death and be discovered next Spring.

    Now, this -30C you're talking about like it was last weeks stale beer translates into 22° below zero, and that is cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey. And you're looking forward to it. You must have more antifreeze in your blood than I do, and I'm seldom below the legal limit.

    So if I'm ever out driving and take a wrong turn someplace, and end up in your neck of the woods, the first thing I'm doing is buying myself a parka just like yours. The second thing I'm doing is buying a case of Canuk antifreeze. Top shelf.

    The last thing I'll ever do in Canada during the winter is point my nose South. I'll keep driving until I hit Key West, where I'm going to sit on a beach and drink margaritas until I warm up, and I can look at a Key West beach during Spring Break and see nothing but sand.

    Happy New Year!