Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Wednesday, 5 December 2018

The Filthie Archeologist

This artifact is a mathematical tool from the Age Of Kings.
It allowed noble class wise men to solve complex mathematical problems with incredible speed.
I vanquished such a king myself with a cheap plastic programmable 
scientific calculator in the 90's. It was not
an honourable duel nor a sporting one, the outcome was never in doubt. It was the victory
of the gunfighter over the swordsman. It was one of the few
that I fought and regretted winning.
If I ever get gumption in my life again, I may make it my mission to learn how
to use one of these.

This is an ancient interrogation device that would be used
to extract information from criminal and terrorist masterminds
like GI Joe and Johnny West.
Barbie had a healthy fear of it too.

I am old enough to remember when one of these was worth something.
I had forgotten though, how beautiful our Queen once was.
Sadly the Age Of Queens has passed into history too.

I have no idea what that is...

My first pistol! I remember these!
I wore mine out!


  1. My dad had two K&E slide rules. Both were top of the line, and required for what he did back in the 50's and 60's. One of the my two brothers that died had them, and they're now nowhere to be found.

    The interrogation tool is right handy for scrambled eggs. Between interrogations, and more interrogations, the tool can also be used in the preparation of an omelet, or pancakes. Of course, it has to be washed every now and then.

  2. My dad use a slide rule. 'Never could figure the thing out myself...

    I heard that the interrogation tool was also handy for removing hemorrhoids. It was the vilest form of "wet work."

    Nope; QE doesn't look anything like that now. Imagine the look on her face when she found that slug in her salad a couple of weeks back!!! Hell; imagine the look on her chef's face!!!

    That "Jerrold" box; you don't remember when cable first made its appearance? That's an early cable box! It had a three-position switch on the left side; upper position was for CH 1-13, middle position was for CH 14-25, and the bottom took care of channels 26-37. You pushed a button to select a channel. The roller knob on the right, I believe, was for fine tuning...

    'Never saw the spud gun. 'Must have already been illegal in the state of Gotham when I was coming up... We still figured out how to launch potatoes though... WHOLE potatoes... with no help from the free market and no interference from the state nannies... A boy's hands and any amount of explosives are a wicked combo... OOPIE-DOOPIE... we had fun!!!

    1. My potato gun was propelled by AquaNet(tm) hairspray.

      Decent propellant and a not too off-putting after aroma.

  3. Freshman Orientation for engineering majors at Arlington State in 1963 included a course on the slide rule. I had learned to use one in High School thanks to a forward looking Spherical Trig teacher. Had the K&E, still have it floating around here somewhere.

  4. I had a Pickett slide rule (Photo 1). I was in 8th grade and requested a math teacher show me how to use it, and she couldn't remember how. I eventually did learn, then got an electronic calculator for Christmas.

    Photo 2 is a late model egg beater, although you can certainly beat other things with it as well. I was assigned to beat the eggs for breakfast, and eventually learned that you could beat egg whites into a foamy, creamy substance. It was replaced one Christmas by an electric mixer, which I was forbidden to use without extremely close supervision after an unfortunate incident involving whipped cream.

    Photo 3 is Monopoly money.

    Photo 4 is, I believe, a radio tuner. I was absolutely entranced with electronics as a child, but I lost interest when given a crystal radio set for Christmas, and the thing never did work. I figured that the whole business was pretty much a bust, and my parents did nothing to dissuade me.

    I saw the spud gun in the local Dime Store, and was denied permission to look at, touch, or own such a device - by both parents and grandparents. They were getting to know me too well.

    What's missing here is a picture of a naked woman.

    1. I'm surprised you have time for us little people - now that you are a published author and all! Congrats on that, WL - and remember to spread the wealth amongst your creepy internet friends from time to time! I will expect to see your name in the best seller lists soon. :)

    2. Excuse me, do I know you? Who are you, anyway?

  5. #4 is the original cable tv channel changer. No wireless then!

  6. Thanks for the info on the channel changer, folks. I remember seeing one at my Grandparents' place and wondering what it was...

  7. I have one of those 6" Picketts from a Western Electric (RIP) class. Also a Post Versalog I carried around and actually used back in the day.

    1. P.S. I thought the best name for a slide rule was the K&E Log Log Duplex Decitrig. Has a rhythm to it.