Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Thursday, 30 April 2020


It must be nice, if I went back to the 50’s I’d still be a crabby old bald headed stubfart. Except maybe my flood pants would come up to my armpits. And I’d be wearing suspenders.

Hmmmm. That might not be so bad, actually. I could still hate niggas, commies and queers, right? Bowling, lawn darts, pipe tobacco, picket fences, Blastolene engine oil, ...ahhhhhhhhhhhh. I’d buy a new Zenith TV from BP and ASM and laugh and watch them both get hernias loading it into my truck... happiness would be as simple as a fridge full of cold ginger ale.

Maybe I might make a good retronaut too...?

Pizza Slut Ramble

Things are already bad in Alberta. Unemployed senior delinquents ride around on loud motorcycles and loiter out in front of stores, smoking, gobbing and cursing - making the place look untidy. A few seconds after I took this pic out at Tofield an old boy and his wife pulled up on a beautiful trike, and then a kid on a blacked out Harley. Of course all us guys shook hands without a second thought and then got in shit for not social distancing properly. Big Al was my manager back in the Before Times when I was still the senior sales guy in Alberta. It took me a year to train him and he was coming along nicely - then our economy dived, our company with it...and now the Chinkypox... and today we are a couple of washed up losers looking for work like everyone else.

But we had enough money for a half a tank of gas, some cigars and some coffees. We aren’t thumbing town to town looking for work, or riding around on the roofs of trains...yet...but ya can’t think like that. It was a beautiful day for a ride on the back roads.

When I got home I met the wife, who had just had a day at work. I got bummed out all over again. They are going nuts at her place and can barely keep up. Their branch is the only one in Alberta meeting budget; all the others are down 40% or more and round two of the Chinkypox layoffs are in the works. And here I am - riding around in sunshine. I suppose we should both be thankful and I am... but watching her work while I goof off? It turned my afternoon into a bit of a guilt trip.

Today I am going to do chores and look for something to cook on OyTube. Least I can do is make sure she comes home to a clean house and a good supper...

Up Yours, Blumpf!!! Orange Man Bad!!!

Gawd I love The Bee. They even took a cheap
shot at themselves at the end.


Has the press always been this bad? About 20 years back I was at the point where I couldn’t take the mass media anymore. Being a conservative, it was turning me into a purple faced rage head. It was like I was always being trolled by 12 year old girls - stupid 12 year old girls. But the lefties or maybe the general public loved it... so I tooned out. The lefties smirked and hooted in derision and most got even worse.

Today they are still making rage heads... but now they are coming from the liberal side. They’re literally trolling their own readers now, and every day their heads explode like popcorn at Blumpf’s latest idiocy and villainy. It’s so bad now that I don’t believe anything I read.

Wednesday, 29 April 2020

Edyacashun: Asserting Your Authority In A Classroom Of Retards

Here at Uncle Bob's School For Wayward Boys N' Retards LLP - I often find myself getting challenged in the classroom by especially rotten problematic students. Some I throw down the stairs, some I'll tie down in a chair and beat with a lead pipe - and some are so friggin awful that none a that works!!! You begin to understand why our tuition fees are so high, right? Why, I recall that time Quartermain got his filthy little grubbers on some liquid nitrogen, some potassium permangenate and he... he... GAH. My blood pressure is going up!

Recently, in  fit of badness, one of the students posted a snarky reply to one a my scholarly poasts and thought he was cute when an ear worm started chewing it's way through my brain. Goddammitalltohell!

Sometimes, the best thing to do is punish the whole class in retaliation, and let the kids mete out further punishMINT to the offender out by the teeter totters after school. Everyone: put on your mascara, your glitter and make up! DO IT, you androgenous little faggots!!!! Or else!!! I'm sure you won't mind at all if I sing along...?

*In a faggy falsetto*

Mama, just killed a man,
Put a gun against his head,
Pulled my trigger, now he's dead.
Mama, life had just begun,
But now I've gone and thrown it all away.

Take that, you little bastids!!!! Would ya like some more? Or would ya like some more?!?!?

Ha! I thought so!

The rest a ya's - sorry I had to do that, but ya gotta correct bad behaviour before it becomes a habit. Try and have yourselves a great Hump Day!

When They Were Queens

The Filthie Archeologist: Scribbles

This kind of thing fascinates me. Lately I've become fond of academic biblical archeology. Many of the battles and events in the old testament actually happened; and are documented by other parties that participated in them. They describe them through the eyes of non-Christians and it's fascinating to compare them. You can be an absolute hardcore atheist and still be fascinated by the voices and artifacts of the people actually involved. The reactions of the Romans are hilarious as they rage at these maddening Christians that are popping up everywhere, sometimes right in their own courts and households. Some wanted them eliminated, others, were indifferent, and still others converted. Controversies that put men at each other's throats are nothing new.

I am beginning to get the impression, as an amateur chit house historian... that our worst falls and collapses come when we mainstream idiocy, greed, jealousy, and anger and we divide ourselves into farcical factions. You get a perfect storm of failure that can take centuries to sort out and reduce powerful empires to rubble.

I am also getting the impression that these are the last of the good ol' days, and that we should enjoy them as much as we can.

The Nine Iron Matrix

Sunday, 26 April 2020

Malodorous Monday Memes...

I mined some of these from the bowels of Blab. Others came from Flapz, who lives in Sodom By The Sea. Proceed at your own risk and don’t take any of ‘em too seriously.


Bow Bender Ballistical Buggery - Doing Your Homework

This is the shoulder bone on your average moose.
With a blown shot, bow hunters have seen their arrows lodge
in the bone and create nasty superficial wounds
that can result in great pain and even a brutal prolonged and inhumane death
for the animal. That is not what the game is about.
Here, we deliberately shot at one to test our arrow performance in
a simulated, worst case real world scenario.

There is absolutely no need for this to happen either. It’s NEVER a wrong decision to pass up a shot at a game animal. But if you keep your ranges sane and do your homework, most hunting shots will be ridiculously easy and the game will be over in one with minimal pain and suffering for the animal. Hunting is supposed to be fun... and I see so many morons turning it into some kind of ordeal.

Tune your bow. Use adult sized arrows with the stiffest spine and heaviest warhead you can get. Practice. I’m happy to say mine blasted right through that bone with no trouble whatsoever!

Hopefully I’ll get a good shot in the fall...

Hoax. Just As I Thought... But... Conspiracy???

Via Irish. Highly recommended reading.

Wow. At the beginning I said this thing was a friggin hoax. To be truthful I later backed off that; saying instead that it may have been a simple over-reaction. To be truthful, from an academic and scientific perspective, it was far to early back then to say so. But in my guts, I knew something was up.

This is now looking to some like a full blown conspiracy... but that doesn’t sit well with me. For this to succeed as one, there are too many moving parts, too many idiots involved, and too many potential whistle blowers.

How did we get duped so easily? It’s important to know; we just liquidated about 1/3 of our small businesses, crashed our economy for several years, and incurred debts our grandchildren will inherit. Up here in Canada my moronic prime minister is STILL throwing billions around with gay abandon. There is a profit in selling shite to stupid people, and the media is still selling copy and boosting ratings by pushing ever more hysterical narratives. Men that should know better are buying it. So is every box-wine soaked rage head cat lady... because Orange Man Bad, dontchya know.

The obvious neurotics and nutters will be running with this for a long time... but what about the rest of us? My theory is now that this was an unintentional  panicked over reaction, spurred by the thought that China might have inadvertently released a bio weapon on the world. While that is now obviously false... it is a useable crisis to use for ulterior purposes for all kinds of shitty people.

We’re being played now, folks. We saw the diversion, now we are going to see the sleight of hand. Keep your head on a swivel, one hand on your side arm, and the other on your wallet.

Saturday, 25 April 2020

With the quarantines, church is off for the wife. 
I hear that for the mudflaps, it’s Ramadan-A-Ding-Dong or some damned thing...
and the mosques are wide open because everyone knows that goat fuggin 
Moslems don’t get Chinky Pox. Or something. You’d have to ask a hare lipped retard 
or a liberal about how that works...

Elk? Or moose...?

Macey meets my new horse...
Don’t think she’s impressed...

Sunday brunch with the hoopleheads.
When the Chinky Pox is over... I SWEAR I will never
drink Tim Hortons or Starbuck’s swill ever again. I don’t like
their product... and the
company is better out here.

Scrap Em Both

TB’s Tribulations

I shouldn’t make fun. TB actually does pretty good over there.
I, on the other hand, have told that if I have dandelion infestation again like
the one I had last year... we will be nuked from orbit 
before they spread.


Happy belated birthday wherever you are, Spud.

Maybe in this life.
Maybe in the next.
Or maybe the one after that...