I was reading the screed of one of the esteemed highland bloggers recently wherein he discusses the loss of a close relative. His passing appeared to be unexpected and swift. Apparently he had unresolved estrangements with his kids, and fell from this world leaving only a rift for his kids to deal with. It got me thinking about my own estrangement with my own daughter. And about an unscheduled exit of my own...
It’s April. Holy cow... she’s going to be 35 this month. We parted ways 6 or 7 years ago. Where does the time go? It seems like nothing... but yet it’s enough time for the entire universe to invert. Homosexuality social justice warriors and sexual lunacy are now part of the white background noise too. Back then I would have given anything to understand my kid. Today...? Meh. She found her tribe, I guess. We found ours in a little country chapel outside of town... so maybe it worked out well for everyone? In life we have our victories and defeats and they are what they are. Some rifts and divisions run so deep that only God can sort them out.
Nowadays I look at the light years between us and just shrug. When you look at death in terms of eternity and infinity... light years are nothing. Maybe we can all get together in the next life and hash things out. Or not. I’m left with a curious feeling of indifference now.
Bruce Cockburn has always been a shameless liberal
jerk-off, but he has seen
eternity... and maybe put it in perspective.
You need to stop beating yourself up over this one. She made her choices and will need to deal with the consequences long after you are gone. Its not your burden to carry for her. Hope you are over what ever was ailing you and the news about your impending demise is greatly exaggerated. If this page were to suddenly go silent where would we all get our fill of scatological humor?ReplyDelete
Kids are part of a parents' soul, M. Or they should be. Now I feel bad because I no longer care. I'd never want to see anything bad happen to her... but now, if she got hit by a bus I doubt that I would shed a tear... and that feels odd to me and makes me uncomfortable too...ReplyDelete
Yes I understand, it cuts both ways. As we never had children, I shall never know your anguish. Do try not to beat up on your self too much. I hope somewhere in it all you can find some peace.Delete