Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Sunday, 31 January 2021

Neil Armstrong Was A Dumbass

 HAR HAR HAR!!! I love it!😆👍

I’ve watched that clip a thousand times too.

When I was a kid the eggheads and flyboys at NASA must have had a million pokers in the fire. Flying machines that ranged from widow makers to record breakers. I watched the lunar landing clips a thousand times too. They made it all look like a walk in the park. I’ve read countless “behind the scenes” accounts of the doings of the day. I’ve never heard the first man on the moon called “dumb” before... perhaps this is a historical and hysterical event too!

Did the flight characteristics allow the training aircraft to get away from Mr. Armstrong? Or did he just forget about fuel burn rates as he wrestled the aircraft? When you are mucking about with thrust vectors and nonlinear modes of control... it is really easy to do. I’ve only crashed once - in an ultralight. Those guys had close shaves that made mine look like a walk in the park... and they’d strap in to the next available aircraft while the wreckage of the last one was still smouldering. Their courage is really astounding when you think about it. I like the idea of even the hotshots having the derp moment - it consoles me in those awkward, demoralizing times when I have mine...


Wears The Same Underwear I Do...

... and not even an otherwise pretty girl can make it look sexy.
Looks better on her though, regardless.

Now... if ya want to talk about thongs...


Sunday Afternoon Music: Honey You

 These weirdos and beardos are regular guests at the Reclusium and will grow on you if you let them. What's that one the brown fella is playing? A cello? He's a master whatever it is.


I Wonder What Gramma Would Have To Say...?

 When we were kids we learned to manage money from my Grandmother. My parents and my wife's parents had money - and they spent it too. It was hard for them to scold us about being fiscally prudent. I still remember my mom getting cognitive dissonance when she scolded me about my tobacco habit as a kid. "Sure Ma," I said, "Have another cigarette...!" So it went when she scolded me about my spending habits while they were always buying toys for the hobby farm, vacation properties in Arizona and trading in the last RV for a new one because it was 4 or 5 years old.

Aaaaaand twenty years later I was scolding my kid to behave herself in school, get good marks, and do all the things I never did either... and I remember chimping out with rage when she mocked me for preaching "do as I say, not as I do...".  Harrrrrumppfpfpfpffff! I digress.

Young master Styxenhammer knows it all - just like we did when we
were his age.
I happen to think the boy is right on in his assessment. I don't like 
the lad, but his message is spot on.

Gramma just had the credibility our parents did not. She was born into tough times, she survived and raised her little brothers and siblings during the Dirty 30's. She knew what it was like to get laid off, to do without, and how to get by honestly and respectably in tough times. Her financial advice was simple and straightforward - always tuck something away. Always ask yourself if a purchase was a want or a need. Put your savings to work. Invest safely for the long term.

I wonder what Gramma would say today? I know for a fact that she was making noises similar to Styx as far back as the 90's. When she did, her daughter and son in law would roll their eyes in resignation because the old bird was going to bitch about some inconsequential bullchit that nobody could do anything about. They didn't have to worry about money or retirement - so why should anyone else? Only dirt people got laid off! If they were any good, they'd be working soft cushy gov't jobs like they did. The point came when I rolled my eyes when my parents start outgassing about economics and politics. They believe what the read in the mainstream media because they come from a time when you could still believe some of what you read. Because economics are so closely tied to politics...I’d never trust a word they said. Gramma, on the other hand?

Yeah... I really wish she were around today...

Saturday, 30 January 2021

I’d Shoot The Woman First...


...and then the senior officer, if possible...

Just Add Coffee...


Good Heavens! What Happened To That Girl’s Lips...?


Is she a mulatto or a quadroon?

It’s a shame, watching otherwise pretty young ladies doing
this stuff to themselves.
I’m sure this lass wouldn’t give two hoots about what some ugly old
stubfart thinks, though.

Maybe I should get with the program and go in 
for liposuction?
And maybe knock off one of the healthier tards
and harvest his scalp and liver...?
Remember to sign your organ donor cards everyone!

Nothing Surprises Me Anymore...


Breakfast Suggestion


Hmmmmm. English Breakfast?
What’s that black stuff? Until I know... I ain’t eatin it...
The horror stories you’ve heard about English cuisine are all true.
The Scots are even worse.


The Future Of The Military?

Or maybe a gayer version of these two...?


Friday, 29 January 2021

The Only Bolt Action Rifle With Any Character


What a beauty...


This Complicates AND Simplifies Things...

 Anybody that sits down to a game of poker without knowing the house rules is an idiot.

Anyone that tries to play an honest game and win against cheaters is an idiot.

And if you are in the middle of a game looking round and wondering who the mark is ... it's probably you.

That is why I don't play stocks and bonds myself. The market is a shark tank, and some small fish do really well, riding along in the wake of the big sharks, and maybe fetching for themselves a few crumbs and tidbits here and there. Sharks have no rules because they wouldn't play by them anyway. In shark world everything and everyone else is potential meat.

Now with the GameStop debacle - an angry swarm of piranhas has been dumped into the shark tank. The big players are now threatening to freeze trading on any future shorts that smell like this one, i.e. if they hear of a bunch of internet wanks planning something in the future - they will suspend all trading on the target stock. Fair enough. So what happens when the wanks play that? Hey guys - let's fork the short on ABC stock! Or XYZ stock? Or... or... or... In short order the piranhas can have the sharks jumping at shadows.

It really amazes me too, how people get shocked and horrified when the mark turns the tables on them and starts reciprocating the shabby treatment he is receiving. Then they double down and start name calling. The GameStop Stonkets are white supremists. Anybody that questions the election or supports the wrong politics are seditionists that should be rounded up and sent to camps. The dog whistles are blowing hither and yon. 

Idly speculating, with things as they are... if I had money to invest... it’d be in physical gold and silver and  brass and lead. When folks start swapping and trading lead at high velocity... at least ya know who the bad guys are and what their intent is.

A Thespian


4 Eyes

How do they see with these bloody things?

Fag Mag


Soft porn for the modern
spaghetti armed 
soy boy...

Does anyone buy these anymore? I only ever saw one once... and it was about as appealing as Chatelaine or something like that. Do they even sell magazines at all anymore? Remember the good ol’ days? You’d buy them and if they were any good you’d keep them in the chitter for reading material as you did your business. 

I liked the gun and hunting rags. Popular Mechanics could have some good stuff from time to time. I’d grab the odd 4x4 and motorcycle ones here and there. Heavy Metal was a favourite too - most of it was dreck but some of the artists were stellar.

I didn’t have much porn in the house but at work we had tons of it, and the raunchier - the better. Our lead engineer was the biggest perv you could imagine. One entire file cabinet drawer in the control room was stuffed with porn and we’d sit around at lunch time and read the articles and make comments that would curdle the milk of today’s social justice warriors. The drawer below had VHS tapes and some of that content made me want to puke. I did like Hustler though - the rude jokes were spectacular. Didn’t Larry Flint try to run for POTUS once? Could he have been any worse than the dirty old pedo that’s doing the job today?

There is no doubt that we have it much better today with the internet. I can go on OyTube and learn how to glass bed a rifle, change my break pads, or set up a 3D printer...for free! But I still miss the rags. Imagine you’re out in the garage, and Quartermain drops by for a beer or a coffee... and you have that issue of Hustler, open to that page with the rudest joke you ever saw. You wait till he’s taking a swig and casually pass it over - and watch him blow beer out his nose as he tries to laugh and swallow at the same time! HAR HAR HAR!

Have a good day you guys! Don’t be afraid to embrace your inner piglet once in a while! 😆👍

Thursday, 28 January 2021

What's Filthie Building Now


Any guesses can be left in the comments.
I am asking because I don't know...

Well it looks like the guy that does heat treating for knife blanks may or may not be out of business. Suffice it to say he isn't returning email and I don't have a phone number for him. I hate starting stuff and not finishing it...



Okay... maybe the watch. But other than that...? Men that dress like this, more often than not... are posturing fops. They tend to be revolting men who think the suit hides it. I will only wear a suit for a wedding or a funeral and that’s it.

"Bold" Is One Word For It, I Suppose...


I’m Writing My First Novel

 I shall entitle it: Game Of Thrones...



... I really miss cats. But then I remember waking up in the morn with my nose a few mm away from the cat’s arsehole. Or that smelly little black bastid that loved nothing better than to pull the tools off the peg board and knock over the carefully stacked scrap lumber in the Reclusium.... or some feline practical joker pooping on the seat of my motorcycle for yuks.

Punishment doesn’t work on them. When you beat a cat’s ass for thrashing your workshop it doesn’t mean, “Stop doing that or your ass will get beat!” The message the cat gets from it is, “Whatever you did wrong - do it faster next time so you can get away before the hairless monkey beats your ass!”

Gawd I love cats.

Paws On The Ground

I’ve always wanted to do that to Mort: shave him bald
and then strap him down with tactical gear! 
I’d strap hand grenades and side arms and magazines to him and put those
rude patches on that say “Infidel” and “Shit Magnet” and stuff 
like that. The problem is that he is just a big suck and is too retarded to
do commands. Nobody would ever see him as a bad ass tactical
war fighter or a super smart service dog.

Even this cat can rock the tactical look
better than Mort.

Mind you I am not that tough looking either, come to think of it...😆

Wednesday, 27 January 2021

Where I’m At Now


𝑰𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒐𝒏’𝒕 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒇𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒐𝒓 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏, 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒂 𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒐𝒍𝒖𝒕𝒆 𝒅𝒆𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒅 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒈𝒐𝒂𝒍𝒔, 𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒘𝒂𝒚, 𝑰 𝒘𝒐𝒏’𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌 𝒕𝒘𝒊𝒄𝒆 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖. 𝑰𝒕’𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒂 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕, 𝒊𝒕’𝒔 𝒂 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒏𝒐 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒐𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒂 𝒃𝒂𝒓𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒚 𝒇𝒖𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆.

I used to enjoy squabbling with libturds on the internet and getting in food fights. I dunno if it’s age, or the state of things...but I just can’t do it these days. My heart isn’t in it. I don’t care what they think, I don’t want to engage with them or try to change their minds. I don’t care if they whine about lack of civility, sensitivity, inclusivity... I don’t want them around me anymore. I’m tired of the head games, the shit tests, the theatrics and hysteria.

I feel really bad for you Yanks. The lunacy and stupidity that destroyed my family are doing the same to your nation. It’s all there: the lies, the degeneracy, the fake villains and the really fake heroes.

Reality is going to come back with a vengeance. For many it will be a SHTF scenario. They’ve lived in Clown World for so long that the return of reality will be a traumatic event for them. They’re going to kick and scream and panic, some will do incredibly stupid and violent things. I am not ready for that but I have prepared.

I’m at the point where I just want to get it over with.

Vintage EDC

I’d keep the gun and sweep the rest into the trash.

Podcasts & Cell Phones

 Bjorn drives me nuts. I know English is his second language... but he takes forever to make a point. I’d like this guy if he’d just get to the bloody point. Scott Adams is the same, but he goes haring off on tangents just as he seems to be coming to the point... and I rage-quit his otherwise worthy productions sometimes because of it. If you’re going to do a podcast - respect your viewers. Present your material. Stay on point. Anticipate and be prepared for questions. If you can’t answer the question, say so and commit to resolving it.

I used to be dead set against cells because of their interruption potential. When I was on the job trying to get something done that fuggin thing’d go off without fail and usually dump a fire in my lap. But... that’s life. Without the phone, all that would happen is that the fire would grow until I got round to dealing with it. Interruption is one thing - distraction is another. If you are getting distracted by the cell phone... sorry Bjorn, that’s on you, not the phone. Don’t blame the tool for your own shortcomings.

There are guys that are minimalists in life and that’s well and good for them, but not for me. (It works for them until it doesn’t - then they usually come to me for help). I am a prepper by nature in everything I do. If I have a job in front of me I make damned sure I have the tools I need for it. On my cell I have my bible, my ballistics program, GPS, advanced wind and weather apps, a level, daytimer, camera, flashlight, calculator...hell’s bells, I can’t afford NOT to have it these days.

The only viable argument against the cell is the possible invasion of privacy. And right now, The Establishment has far, far bigger problems on its plate than keeping tabs on grumpy old men that go for strolls with dawgs and spend winters in the man cave. If they DO start taking an unhealthy interest in me, then I’ll take a sledge to the phone and get rid of it. Until then... there is no virtue in going without good tools or using inferior ones.


Tuesday, 26 January 2021

Look Before You Butt Floss


Tail Feathers

I am personally offended by choppers. The fuggin things give me headaches of an aerodynamic nature. They don’t even fly right. Take the tard tutorial below if ya don’t believe me. There was a time I could do the math for the physics involved in this, once upon a time. And it was totally gay - with more Greek letters and constants than ya knew what to do with.

So... now that you’re up to speed... why is that tail rotor tilted in the first pic? Yannow what? I dunno if I want to know!😡 The flying machines are a non-stop offence to the intellect. I just discovered they now have choppers with no tail rotors at all. At some point I am going to have dig in and figure out how that works too, or it will drive me nuts. Having an inquiring mind is not all it is cracked up to be...

Death From Above!!!!


Not The Way I See It


Yup - don’t waste too much  time on that fellas. 

It seems that every time ya turn around some wank or pundit is cracking wise about the preoccupation men have with their hawgs. But, when you look at it objectively - look at the queers, the 53-gendered degenerates, the screeching feminists that guzzle chardonnay by the box... if you want to see people consumed by their crotches...those creeps can - and HAVE ... written (and screamed) volumes about theirs.

As for an old tard like me... I don't want to see what's in my underwear - front OR back! HAR HAR HAR!!!

The Filthie Archeologist

 The late, great philosopher king - Uncle Bob - used to expound on anthropological sciences and the facets of it such as art, culture, stories and legend. The human animal (so he claimed) has not changed in over 8000 years. So it is that there are no new stories; there is nothing new under the sun that hadn’t been done before. All our modern stories are merely echoes of the ones told by those that came before us.

What might those first stories might have looked like? I invite my fellow inquiring minds to savour the story of man at the dawn of time! May I present - for your intellectual edification and delectation: Shmegegge Of The Cavemen. Tap on the panels at the website to embiggen.


Monday, 25 January 2021

Don’t Want To Alarm Anyone...

... but I am seeing a lot of kids that look like
Quartermain these days.
I wonder why that is...?

No Future At The Farmer's Market...


Hmmmm. Maybe I should consider a career in rooftop urban
bee keeping...

Do you guys have those down in the States? Up here in the summertime the local farmers, hobbyists, and beardos and urban outdoorsmen gather for the Farmer's Market to buy and sell garden produce, meat, baking, and home made trinkets and crafts. They're actually kind of cool. When the wife goes she comes home with brats, mystery meats, pickles and other treats. Candle makers are often there flogging their wares.

In a recent blog post TB had up a piece on his efforts at candlecraft and I got insanely green with jealousy. The wife had a great, big smelly purple candle that was burnt out - and I decided to recycle it. It was already coloured and perfumed so I figured I'd just melt it down and reform it with a wick in it... but you're often supposed to make them in two seperate pours. I ran out of purple but found some paraffin in the stores and topped it up. The regular paraffin on top is burning like a hot damn but I don't know if the purple stuff will burn as well - some big scented candles are made in two parts - an inner straight paraffin candle in the middle - in a scented sleeve. Does that outer sleeve burn as well as the inner one?

We'll find out shortly I guess. Either way... I think TB aced me out and he will be selling his candles with the artisans and weirdos at the Farmer's Market while I sit here at home and wonder what to do with this POS. 

Buy my Arsehole Scented Candles!  If you chit your pants you
won't have to blame the kid or the dawg! $159.00!
All proceeds to Filthie's Early Retirement Fund Uncle Bob's School For Irredeemable 
Wayward Boys And Deplorable Retards!
All contributions are eagerly accepted and appreciated!
No weirdos!

We also made some of those tea light things. Now I will have illumination down in The Reclusium when I am reloading and futzing about with the gunpowder stores. I have a number of other tardly projects on the go - I have to see if the guys will heat treat that knife blank I made, and I should have a barreled rifle coming back from the gunsmith this week. 

The life of the retarded and unemployable stubfart continues apace. Hope you guys had a nonfatal Monday - thanks for stopping in!

Bottle Demons


More Winter Fun



Boomer Music


The other day I wandered past du Toit’s and all the geezers were flapping and out-gassing about the music of their era. It’s like listening to old farts talking about sex.


I was around for part of that era and no, boomers... most of your music sucked the first time round... and age had not improved it.

Heh Heh Heh....

Yeah. It was the squaddies. Those damn squaddies, and their sick immature sense of humour, god damn them all. 

The tards had NOTHING to do with it! I can’t describe how utterly offended I yam by it...!!!😏

Dream ANALysis...

I thought I was the only one that ever had this wet dream.
Only when I have it, I usually wake up to my wife beating and slapping me
because I’ve peed the bed...

I am struggling with the winter blues. The other day on OyTube I saw a tiny house guy make a tiny house boat. It was a 26 footer that ran off two 9.9 HP outboards and it had a great big hammock off the back off it, right out over the water. I watched it and day dreamed of summer...

Sunday, 24 January 2021

Needs A Kayak On The Other Side...




Serious Sunday Stubfart Decompression Therapy

 Like most of you, I suffer from any number of serious psychological problems and erratic behaviour. induced by the times and the people around me. None of it is MY fault, of course - it's ALL society's fault, HAR HAR HAR! And Pete and Quartermain... grrrrr....


Rather than dwell on the doings of the tards and the ridiculous cretins that pose as our leaders and shakers and movers - I recommend an escape from the madness. This guy has done it. I turned him on for a few minutes this morning and it just set the tone for the day: hard work, patience, and the company of a foolish hoople head for occasional comedic relief.

This guy is in Morontario and is a prolific OyTuber.
I don't think he worries much about Chinkypox, the lunacy of our
leaders, or any of the other bullshit that afflicts the modern man.
There is a lesson to be learned here.
This guy is addictive if you give him the time.

If that doesn't improve your mental health - you may as well suck start your twelve bore and get it over with! Dontchya feel better now? I knew you would! As your new life coach - allow me to remind you to pay promptly and cheerfully for this session!



Oh Gramma...

Gramma had these throughout her house.

I still see them from time to time in the junk and antique stores, in
ones and twos.

I’d put them throughout my house too if I could...

Buy My Tard Vagina Candles 😊👍

 Isn’t that what some famous Hollywood pin head was doing awhile back? Gawd, I can’t remember all the details but she marketed a line of scented candles called ‘My Vagina’ or something... and the fags in the media went nuts over it! They giggled like (retard) schoolgirls and I think the brouhaha lasted well over a week. That’s pretty incredible when you consider that those guys have the attention span of a gnat. The wanks and Tards were having great sport with it too, with all the possibilities for rude jokes.

My recycle donor candle may not do well. Unbeknownst to me - this candle was made in two parts - an inner and an outer. I think the idea is the inner one burns... and the outer one has a different composition that doesn’t...? It acts like a diffuser or lamp shade as the inner candle burns down within it...

Whatever - details, right? Melt ‘er down, Filthie!!! I just pitched it in and melted everything down. 😊👍

Yeeeccchhhttt. I guess we had a candle kit after all. The kid must have forgotten it when she moved out light years ago. It even had a mould in it. This wax is nothing like beeswax... it’s very oily and mushy and takes forever to set up. The wife says that it may take a day or two and we may have to add more wax then.

But some other more challenging difficulties: one of the tards in marketing just told me that boys don’t have a vagina. I am going to have to fact check that given all the recent issues and confusion surrounding trannies and gendered chitters. It truly is boggling... I was a boy when Neil Armstrong walked out on the moon. He got there with flight computers a little less powerful than the old 386’s. Today we can’t figure out which washroom to use, HAR HAR HAR! HAR HAR HAR! 😆👍

I’m sure we can come up with an orifice of some kind, at some point. Hope you guys have a great Sunday lined up. As always, thanks for dropping by - and take care.