Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Thursday, 11 March 2021

Conversations Between Bums

Yesterday I had coffee with Big Al. When my company imploded and my career ended back in 2018, Al and I were frenemies. He was the new manager, and I was the old hand that didn’t wish to be managed because I had my hands full as it was, and the new manager would be on his own as our company circumstances got worse and worse. Needless to say we don’t work there anymore, and without the BS of work... we’ve become friends. Like me, he can’t find a job for love or money. He’s no longer being picky either.

We both laughed at our circumstances. When the Great COVID Crash of ‘21 hits... we’ve decided we will ride around on the roofs of trains looking for work. We talked about the allure of cooking canned beans over a garbage fire in a 45 gallon drum in the train yards, and smoking old discarded cigar butts. We were yukking it up and when the chuckling died away... something in me just let go and my mouth ran off on it’s own accord.

“Al,” I said, “I don’t get it. We did all the right things. I went back to school. I paid my bills. I kept my nose clean. When others were screwing off at work, I did my job. When others were throwing out their morals and ethics I played by the rules. I worked as hard as you did... and still...I ended up here. I am beginning to get the feeling that my Maker wants me here, so that I can learn something... and I just ain’t getting it. What in bloody hell are we supposed to be doing here?” Sometimes it still perplexes the shit out of me and for some reason, being around Al just brought it all out.

“Well,” he says, “If you’re like me... ya tried the best you could. You made mistakes like everyone else, and you owned them too. Every time we did that, events and times pushed us this way. We tried to be good fathers, good husbands, and good men... and all that led us right smack dab here - guzzling this swill that Tim Horton calls coffee.” Al was all grins.

“It isn’t our world anymore. We tried our best, for the most part we failed... maybe it’s time to accept that too and get out of the way and let others run things. We’ll do what we’ve always done: take our lumps, make the best of it, and stick around until we see how this shit show ends...”

“What else are ya gonna do?” I sighed. I’m with Forrest Gump when he says that sometimes shit just happens, and other times they happen accidentally on purpose. But - Lord, it is so hard. In my old world I made things happen. I calmed angry customers and begged, pleaded, threatened and cajoled our own to try and keep them that way. I wrapped up packages and helped the shipper/receiver. I worked in the cal labs when the boys got swamped. When I needed a break to think and regroup, I’d push a broom or a mop. I did things. I worked mostly on my own outside of that, and my company left me alone to handle my customers as I saw fit.

“Exactly!” Al said. “We drink coffee, we stay the hell out of the way, and try not to get any on us when the shakers and movers collide...!” I dunno how he does it. Al’s family imploded as mine did - only worse. When he got run out of his family for having the wrong opinions and ideas, he got divorced too, and taken to the cleaners in divorce court. I admire his serenity.

Maybe that is how it works? In your last years you aren’t any good to anyone but yourself. The kids are grown up, they’re strong, you yourself are slowing down... and if you aren’t careful you will slow the kids down if you meddle in their affairs. Maybe this is the time to smooth out the rough spots in your character and clean yourself up before you shuffle off this mortal coil...? I have never been a patient or serene man. You put an obstacle in my path, and I will go around it, under it, over it or through it if I have to. Maybe that’s my lot? To accept that some obstacles aren’t meant to be passed? Maybe they are there for a reason, and I have accept it and deal with it...? I can’t help but feel that Al is right. I watch current events and issues and I feel like I am on another planet sometimes. The obstacles fall from the sky so fast now. When they hit the earth they throw up a pile of debris and detritus and I can’t even fathom a way around or through it.

Maybe I will do as Al does. Hunker down, watch out for falling pig shite, and hold out for a break. Hopefully some kind of sanity breaks out soon.


13 comments:

  1. I am right there with you brother. I am fortunate to still have work, but the mentality has/is changing. I check my email every morning, cause they lock you out of that first when they terminate you. Got email? Got a job!

    But I've already heard that I'm a worthless dick because I'm the wrong color, the wrong wedding tackle, and I don't find my own kind desirable for plinking. My customers love my work and abilities. But the other guy, the one that neglects them, and does shoddy work gets the advancements.

    I realized a while back that if I'm to maintain my sanity, I have to be happy with what I can do, where I am. I don't know if I'm a survivor, but I do know how to endure. And that may be enough. Time will tell.

    I wish you the best. If I ever get a chance to visit Santa Claus, I'll stop by and buy you both a cuppa. Be kinda neat to compare notes.

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  2. Seems all us old farts are in the same boat.

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  3. Read your Bible. The shite gets worse. Stand firm, The Lord is coming soon, and will get you through it. What do you do to bits of iron to make a knife? What is He making out of you?

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  4. We old farts do not see justification in playing by the rules because those rules we have been abiding by are gone. Our society is ripe for those with common sense and know how. What you have to get around is the thinking that you are over charging for the obvious when it is not obvious to the uneducated.

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  5. I put my faith in God, Glen, that I'm where I am for a reason. I'm also at a point where, when people have issues with me, I simply state "I am what I am. I ain't what I ain't. 'You want a PC soy boy? Knock on UCLA's doors, and get the hell away from mine."

    I still have a job... for now, but I've got a house payment. You don't have work, but you don't have debt either. 'Looks like God is providing for us both.

    As for the world, we've had our shot at it. We've done good, and we've sinned. If those coming up behind us want to live in a government-induced coma, that's how it'll be. As for me, I'll die with my rights intact, and if necessary, exercised... Let's put it this way; I didn't spend 21 years in the military, guarding my country, to see my rights and liberties taken away "for the common good," and to see politicians wiping their asses with the Constitution of the United States... ...That's me... Like it or not...

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    1. Pete I am in that thing every day now. The rougher the water, the deeper I dive into that thing and it helps a little. I have the bible on my phone now and almost every day, I check in with my Maker and pay my respects and hope He has something for me.

      I am off to the job boards and then to chores. Thanks for dropping in you guys.

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  6. You might ask the Lord if he has any little thing he'd like you to do, because if He does, you're ready.

    Be careful what you wish for.

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    1. you should move back to the Toledo area.
      We miss your BS up here.

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  7. It's dam hard to stop caring when that's what you've done all your life. At some point when you have been screwed six ways from Sunday, you just have to cut your losses and have to say I don't give a fuck any more. For some of us that are used to fixing shit when its broke that just don't come easy.

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  8. Keep it together sir. I enjoy your site.

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  9. I remember Big Al! I think this was about the time I found you!

    Glen, never confuse a lack of activity for a lack of action. God has a purpose for all of us, even if (for you and I) it feels like we have been put on the shelf for a time. This is the time for us to polish our skills, wait upon Him, and be ready. I fully believe we will be called upon again. We need to be ready when we are.

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  10. Not happy about the troubles of others, but I did find some comfort in how parallel those stories are. Having ones own understanding of right and wrong, and living accordingly and watching people who just don't seem to have any moral and ethical guidelines appear to win got old.
    I get a short blurb every day from this place.




    https://www.bereanbiblesociety.org/category/two-minutes-with-the-bible/

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  11. Well thanks for the words, folks. I tell ya - without work to keep me occupied ... I can get washed away by the media and doings of the day. I need to get away from it...

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