Filthicus: Rude Jokes

 

The Filthie Poacher: Critters

Quartermain: Hey Filthie? How do ya like yer rabbit?

Filthie: Poached, please....

Ba-Dump Tsssssssssssss!

HAR HAR HAR!

 Gosh there’s a lot of rabbits out this year. It must be mating season because these ones let me and Mort get within 20 yards. These are the big lanky snowshoe hares. It really is amazing how the wildlife is adapting to the sprawling city. We have seen coyotes and deer come well the urban zones and last year we had a moose cow and her calf in that exact playground behind these rabbits. I’ve had them all within bow shot range several times.

I am just hopping mad at King Peter. His little hobby acreage is right beside a lunatic woman that is even a bigger shitlib than he is. She has seen the preppers, offgridders, and self sufficiency rural types and figured to emulate them. She has turkeys, pigs, geese, chickens and all the other animals over there... and they’re always getting out. Pete’s prize winning Schutzenhunde German Shepherds go nuts when these critters stray onto their land. The dogs are turd eaters and when they find ‘turkey paté’, they eat it and get sick from the parasites in it. It’s a weekly occurrence because the woman can’t build a fence or a coop to save her life. She has any number of abandoned gardening projects, half completed out buildings, and botched projects going on. In short, she’s a flake that shouldn’t be out there. I have been licking my chops and rubbing my palms together, savouring the idea of a shot at one of the stray turkeys that wander by our improvised archery range on a regular basis.

Yesterday Pete spied an escapee up by the house - and set a bloody dog on it! I put my head in my hands as the big beautiful bird saw the dawg bearing down on him. “Gobble gobble?” he asked. Then the dawg was on him, tearing him apart, and it was a few frantic “GOBBLE! GOBBLE! GOBBLE!” calls... and it was all over. The dawg left the mangled bird when Peter called it away. Queen Mary bagged him up and threw him in the trash before I could even complain about it! I suppose it’s my own fault - I am always bragging about how I will shoot the trespassing pigs and turkeys but I never do even when I have the shot. Peter had just had enough, I guess. After years of helping the air head next door getting her strays back, enough was enough. It’s a bloody shame, that bird would have made a fine supper, properly stalked, shot, and prepared. Instead he’s a bloody mangle in a garbage can.

🙁

Oh well. There’s more where that bird came from, and if I ever get another shot... I suppose I’d better take it, HAR HAR HAR!

 

What Happened Here?

 Was she just a very heavy woman that lost all kinds of weight? I’d probly look like the male equivalent of that if I lost my spare tire...

If so, I admire her resolve and willpower.

Glass Houses

 Gawd, I gotta stop hanging out at Blab. A rude American snidely noticed that “Canada is a fake country, run by the Village People”... with a picture of Justin Turdo prancing and capering about with a bunch a First Nation Freeloaders and red noggers.

Sob... it brings tears to the eyes and chokes ya up a bit. That was just plain hurtful. I stoically take my lumps without comment. It is what it is, and these liberal chit heads will do what they do. As a everyone knows, I am the picture of moderation, politeness and restraint.

I’ll just leave this one right here:

No Restoration Needed

 I had nearly set myself and the forest on fire for the last damned time. Those fuggin Coleman lanterns hated my guts, and every single one I owned tried to kill me. Fags like M and Pete and Quartermain could buy them, and they’d run like tops and light the camp up like man-made suns. But all mine were suicide machines from the moment they came out of the box. When it cooled and I had extinguished myself - I took an axe to the last one I bought and I beat that demonic piece of shit into a twisted wreck and buried it. I don’t get it to this day - my Coleman stoves ran like Swiss watches and lit and worked every time, literally from -30C to +30C.

I was loitering in Peavey Mart or some hardware joint one day and spied the Dietz lanterns. I bought one for about 20 bucks and a bottle of kerosene... and I was off to the races and never looked back. Screw you, Mr. Coleman!!! HAR HAR HAR! It had a great big reservoir and would run all night long for two or three nights before needing a refill. A couple years in I cracked the globe during a cold hunting trip in November up in the foothills. When I got home and unpacked, I ordered 3 more. It fell in the line of duty when Flapz or Baloney Bob stacked a crate on it in the back of the truck. I went straight down to Peavey Mart and bought two more. They also had frooty lemon citronella scented oil for summer mosquitoes so I bought some of that too.

On OyTube the kids will often find junked ones and restore them but I dunno if it’s worth the time and effort when ya can just go down to Peavey and get a brand new one. I think they go for 40 bucks nowadays.

In this case, if my Maker commanded, “Let there be light!” ... I’d have to tell Him that He’ll have to wait until His birds are finished with it.

Hope you’re having a wonderful summer Sunday and as always - thanks for dropping in.

Sunday Morn Misogyny: Morning Cheese Biscuits

 

Father’s Day is almost upon us. The wives should start preparing 

today. At 5:00 am, boot her ass out of bed, and tell her

to let the dawgs out and get busy and start rattling the pots and pans.

Better that the old lady shouldn’t make plans for the rest a 

the day either....

Sunday BBQ Gun

 

This is one of the damnedest guns on the shelves today. These guns with the Bisley hammers and the bird’s head grips were never a real historical firearm. The first one was made by Mike Bellevue - an expert black powder geek and gun club stubfart/historian. He has a charming channel on JewTube that is worth your time if you like black powder guns as I do. The lore is he built one from parts he cobbled together, did a write up in one of the gun rags - somebody in Hollywood saw it... and then this modern retro classic was off to the races.

I came within a hair of buying one back a couple years. They are really easy in the hand and popular with women in the cowboy action matches. This thing would be just perfect for a lady’s working gun and might conceal nicely with a little thought. The balance on them is to die for. They’d make a fine vest gun and would be just perfect in case an informal target match breaks out before Sunday supper.

I turned my nose up at the one I was thinking of because it was in 357, and I didn’t want to buy dies and stock bullets, cases and powder for another calibre. I was a dumbass; that calibre is exactly why you SHOULD buy it! You can run pattycake 38 loads for targets and the wife and kids to shoot, right on up to the hottest fire breathing 357 magnum loads for the bears or joggers and vibrants. I dare say if that one I was looking at were in 45...? It would have been a done deal!😊👍

Maybe in the next life...

Wealth

 

Saturday Afternoon Rude Jokes: Not Suitable For Children, Tards, Puppies Or Kittens...

 

Nice Jugs

 

Meh...

I dunno if I would buy it again.

It would definitely be better accompanied by a nice cigar.

 I’m not a bourbon guy but could be. I got into a bottle of Blanton’s a couple years back and loved it. On my last overnighter at the range I decided to do a study on Buffalo Trace by the campfire. I used to have something of a palate and could identify the subtle notes of aromas and tastes that the experts found. I totally shat the bed on this one. Apparently on the nose it’s all toffee, caramel and burnt coffee. I swear I got the overwhelming scent of red fruit...probably apple and a hint of smoke. The experts said that only shows up in the finish and only subtly. 

Whatever. I had a magical night by the fire, serenaded by coyotes, and polished off about a third of the bottle. 

And the next morn I wished I was dead. I suppose I must accept the fact that I am too old to hold manly amounts of liquor.

🤢👍

The Warmth Of Wood

 

The Old Nickel...

... goes that you’re better off down here wishing you were up there,

than being up there wishing you were down here.

Texas Lung Shot

 One of the hallmarks of the true sportsman is the discipline required to turn his nose up at marginal shots. The other is to taking the time to make the shot. The whole idea is to get close, put them down with one, and end them fast and clean. Save the challenging difficult shots for the range.

In fact, there is only one animal where Hail Mary shots may be warranted, and dirty deaths are warranted. But that one walks around on two legs, and often has guns of his own.

 

Yesterday I had the greatest pleasure in meeting a blog visitor and procuring some put lead for the pot from him. He also set me up with a mould for my beloved Uberti1864 percussion gun. Turns out that this gent has forgotten more about bullet casting than I will ever learn. I went out to his place on Big Red, scored 40 pounds of lead, and he threw in a couple hundred .243 cases for the reloading press. I also got got a sampler pack of lead ball, 45 Colt and ACP, rounds...I made out like a bandit, G! Thank you so much for everything, and your hospitality. 😊👍

Bullet casting is serious business - especially to the BPCR geeks. You can melt a bunch of lead in a pot and shoot whatever comes out as I do... or you can carefully control your alloys and test them to make sure they are up to snuff as he does. He has all the equipment to do the job right! I got some much-needed pointers to start me off down that road. I am going to have a hoot.

For all of you that take the time to drop in and leave your rude jokes and words of encouragement in the comments... thanks to you too. There’s a lot of good folk amongst the gunnies and blogtards...and we need to stick together.

Y’all have yourselves a great Friday, and do something fun this weekend.

Any Swabbies Round Here?

 This guy is just typical of those buccaneers! If he gets hosed by enemy aircraft... at least his noggin is protected by the helmet, HAR HAR HAR! I dunno how I’d react in that situation to be honest. I’d either go full OHS and wear the flak jackets and all the other gear... but the truth of it is, is that when they start swapping big lead... if you’re in the wrong place, at the wrong time... that gear won’t do a thing to save you. The sailor may as well be comfortable while he works.

What I don’t get is - why the ridiculously oversized helmet? I’ve noticed that some of them wore regular pots... and some of them wore these. Anyone know why that is? 

Thursday FML Episode

 

I Am Going To Hell...

 

I’m sorry.

I laughed at this.

I really miss His Assholiness, though.

Iron Horses

 

 

$100.00!!! What would that be in today’s money...? 

Two grand...?

Our TV is slowly dying. It has a red streak down one side and that's the only colour that will show on that line of pixels. Doesn't bother me at all but if it gets worse we can just pack it out to the trash and good riddance to it. I dunno what it was - a 48"? 46"? Whatever it was - it was dirt cheap, I don't think we paid much more than 600 dollars for it. The wife put another smaller one in stores to replace it once the current one calves for good. I turned off the TV over a decade ago and never had cable. When the computer was invented I could control my own programing and filter out the idiocy and lunacy with ease. Web searches turned up decent content with a click of a mouse.

We have Netflix and Disney for streaming services right now. I'm trying to get the wife on board with controlling the Woke Folk. I realize they are fully in charge of both those services and regularly stream materials that promote degenerate ideals such as homosexuality, pedophilia, and Marxism. All the services do, it’s just the state of the world. My thinking is that I can punish them for that: I will watch the content that doesn’t offend me - and then give them the punt! If I was in charge of the bills, I’d cancel Netflix and just do Disney until I got through their good content- then cancel those suckers and do Hulu or whatever the other ones are. By refusing to commit to them maybe they’ll get the idea and stop insulting their customers? Whatever, it’d also a great way for me to flip the bird back at Hollywood. But the wife doesn’t cancel them. If I broach the subject she wants to cancel them all... and then I have nothing to watch at all! Which... might be a good thing after all...🤔

Pop is definitely part of the TV generation. I think his TV is 60” and he pretty much watches sports on it. He has a fairly comprehensive cable bundle too. He doesn’t give a second thought to costs of TVs or cable programming; for him it is a life necessity. He only turns it off when he is on a long range dog walk or doing his chores. He’s doing alright for an 80 year old. It allows him to ignore his wife too, HAR HAR HAR!!!😂👍

At the time that pic was taken, the futurians predicted that TV could babysit and educate your children, keep you informed and ahead on current events, and even entertain you during supper. Do you remember TV trays? And... ulp... TV dinners?🤢

🤮

Gah! This trip on the Wayback Machine was a little rough, wasn’t it? Perhaps the wife is right? The TV has actually done some real damage in our homes.

Think I’ll just turn it off, flop out on the bed with an Econo-bag of Cheetos, a 42 oz Coke and my tablet...

😊👍

 

 

Hmpffff. Little over a year back, or maybe it was two - I began to read the bible and do something of an outhouse study of it. I started going to church too. I’m on a bible app on my cell where you can pick which version you want to read. To make things simple I chose a common English version. The wife and her friends at church seem to like the King James Version. Regardless... the Bible goes into detail about Jesus Christ... and sure, the voices of the apostles come through loud and clear... but I don’t really know much about the apostles, their lives and destinies beyond what they contribute to the bible.

Can any of you recommend some remedial reading? When I first dived in to this, a couple folks referred me to the Bible Project Channel on OyTube. It really was a help - it gave a brief overview of each chapter, some minor background info, and the points the various authors were trying to make. It made the effort much easier and more fun for sure. Is there something similar for the individual apostles?

 If you have any recommendations, please leave them in the comments - and thanks for your help.

Here We Go Again

 

Now fortified with faggotry...

🤢

Rude Jokes & Humpday Erratum & Flotsam

 

Snake Guns

 One of my biggest mistakes and regrets in life is that I have never owned a Colt pistol. I was in school when the first Pythons came out and by the time I could afford one - they went out of production. When they were revived... I already had a safe full of guns and really wasn’t shooting them much anymore. And in the real world... you can take any chithouse garden variety S&W or Ruger, do the springs and triggers... and they will shoot as smooth as a Colt. 

But they will never be Colts. 

Hickok 45 learns us everything we need to know

about the latest snake

from Colt.

He is looking frail and old these days

but he is still a fine shot.

Colt has historically been a troubled gun company. They got bought and sold, rebranded, streamlined... and a couple times taken over by the same corporate whores that are destroying the ‘Made In America’ pride  of workmanship that just recently took Remington and Marlin down. When I was a boy, when the stubfarts headed to the range for a match to shoot for medals instead of coffee... the Gold Cups and Pythons came out on the line. And gawd - they were shooters to be reckoned with. As a kid they thoroughly spanked my arse so often I lost count. Most of ‘em were old farts like Hickock 45 too. Yannow... it galls the crap out of me but I think half of those old bastids could still best me 35 years later!!!😡

I am not overly enthusiastic about the .44 mag, my Rugers are built like tanks and I can almost load my 45 Colt to magnum ballistics if I wanted to... but if I had the money you guys have... I’d ante up for dies and brass in a heartbeat.

Maybe in the next life...😔

Conversations They’ll Be Having Tomorrow

 

So I’m up here in Canada where we voted for Turdo La Doo. His mother was literally a bipolar fwench hoe, his father was an effeminate fwench flimp, and his biological father might have been any of a line of mutts and mongrels from The Littlest Hobo right on up to Fidel Castro. I’m thinking we got stupid locked right up... and then I see that canoe licking noggered midget that’s the mayor of Chicago.

Who’s voting for this shite? How are these ridiculous people getting into these positions? And how do they do the stuff they do without getting shot? We literally live in a time when Ghengis Kahn, Ronald MacDonald and Adolph Hitler would make better statesmen than the ones we have! HAR HAR HAR!

How is this happening? Something in the coffee...?

The Vulgar Tubes: Nasty Business

 

Hmmmmmm. Apparently that’s the crapper on the tall ship HMS Victory. Pretty swanky... I like the ambiance and the view... but even the senior officers lacked any refinement when doing their business. TP that we take for granted today was not invented then; they used old notes or ‘a fibrous material called oakum’.

It makes ya appreciate the ol’ Thunderbox and see your luxuries in a different light.

Old War Horses - The Jap Nambu

 

Up here in Canukistan Jap milsurps are few and far between and pretty much confined to collectors. I have never seen a Nambu pistol in real life or an Arisaka rifle. And to be honest... I don’t really care much. I might get punched out by the fan boys for saying so - but these guns look cheap and shoddily made to my eye. I’d much rather have a Colt or a wobbly Webley or a Luger...

And that makes me wonder too. The old samurai order took their weapons very seriously, and the their katana swords were legendary for their quality and balance. I’ve heard historians say that they were the best edged weapons made anywhere, over any time in history. To go from that? To this? 

Gah. I’d commit hairykarri or sepukku too!