Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Monday, 10 May 2021

From The Filthie Memoirs: A Ride On Ol’ Sparky

 When I was in school I helped the younguns with a special project: we wired a toilet seat in series with a rheostat and could run 6A through it at 120V. It became a party favourite as a way to test your mettle. I’m not kidding, that thing would reduce Rambo and Chuck Norris to sobbing wretches at full power. The longer you could sit on it - the bigger the bad ass you were. Most people came off that thing like a scalded cat in the first second. Everyone had to have a go at it. Even the girls. One night, we drank ourselves stupid, and decided we would find out who The King was among us. I am proud to say that I came in fourth, right behind Stu The Jew, Aenus and Puke. We all went sterile and caught fire at around 6 seconds. But Delldo ... he went a full 11 seconds and his record probably still stands. Legend has it that after his record ride ... they had to scrape pieces of seared rump roast off the seat. I had passed out by that point, but remember questions about Delldo ever walking again after that. Delldo survived and did indeed walk again, but he wasn’t the same kid, and he never rode Old Sparky again.

Nowadays there are other ways to test your mettle. I’ll warn you up front: this is not for the pantywaists, snivellers, or bed wetters.

I made it for 42 seconds.
Please... just let me die ...

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