Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Sunday, 30 May 2021

No Restoration Needed

 I had nearly set myself and the forest on fire for the last damned time. Those fuggin Coleman lanterns hated my guts, and every single one I owned tried to kill me. Fags like M and Pete and Quartermain could buy them, and they’d run like tops and light the camp up like man-made suns. But all mine were suicide machines from the moment they came out of the box. When it cooled and I had extinguished myself - I took an axe to the last one I bought and I beat that demonic piece of shit into a twisted wreck and buried it. I don’t get it to this day - my Coleman stoves ran like Swiss watches and lit and worked every time, literally from -30C to +30C.

I was loitering in Peavey Mart or some hardware joint one day and spied the Dietz lanterns. I bought one for about 20 bucks and a bottle of kerosene... and I was off to the races and never looked back. Screw you, Mr. Coleman!!! HAR HAR HAR! It had a great big reservoir and would run all night long for two or three nights before needing a refill. A couple years in I cracked the globe during a cold hunting trip in November up in the foothills. When I got home and unpacked, I ordered 3 more. It fell in the line of duty when Flapz or Baloney Bob stacked a crate on it in the back of the truck. I went straight down to Peavey Mart and bought two more. They also had frooty lemon citronella scented oil for summer mosquitoes so I bought some of that too.

On OyTube the kids will often find junked ones and restore them but I dunno if it’s worth the time and effort when ya can just go down to Peavey and get a brand new one. I think they go for 40 bucks nowadays.

In this case, if my Maker commanded, “Let there be light!” ... I’d have to tell Him that He’ll have to wait until His birds are finished with it.

Hope you’re having a wonderful summer Sunday and as always - thanks for dropping in.


  1. There are few things as entertaining, and horrifying, as a lit Coleman Lantern with a leak.

  2. Those kerosene burners are OK outdoors, but if you need to run them inside they reek up the house wicked bad. Yea its a moot point with modern LED lamps that are just as bright as any regular electric light and don't put out any heat or fumes.
    PS: Stop over for a visit you've missed a couple posts.