Mom is shit testing me again. Looks like we are back to head games. She’s gone dark, and if I send her a text to ask how things are, snark and bitchiness comes back. Send a clean joke… and she deliberately interprets it as something offensive. Old bitch, back to her old games!
When I was a kid she’d drive me nuts with that shit. I read or heard somewhere that when people make you angry, they have power over you and they will play you like a fiddle with it. If you’re a dumbass retard like I am, you won’t even realize they’re doing it. Women are the worst when they take a notion to do it. They think with their feelings and some become experts at emotional warfare. But eventually the retard realizes the game is rigged, and at that point he refuses to play. Or he loses his chit and kills someone I suppose…
I am beginning to realize, finally, how much my anger controlled me. I no longer care enough to get angry. If she wants to spend her last days alone doing jigsaw puzzles… fly at it Mom. If she falls and can’t get up? Welp, she made damned sure I knew that she didn’t need or want my help.
I always see it in the movies and our stories about how it’s such a tragedy when a family member dies and their last words are harsh, and unresolved conflicts are all the survivors had of the Dearly Departed.
In real life, I’m not feeling it. If Mom fell and couldn’t get up… if I crashed my motorcycle and got run over by a steam roller afterward - my differences with Mom would be the least of my concern. It made me realize there is so much of this going on, every day that you can live in this state of background rage and not be anymore aware of it than the air you breathe. Take your vax. Hand in your guns. Don’t you dare speak your mind. Put on your mask. Celebrate perversion. It’s their right to abort their own children at your expense. Bake the cake, bigot. Fuck you! Fuck ya right back! Because fuck you, that’s why!
Eventually you reach a saturation point where you have no more f***s to give for everyone that is trying to f*** you over and goad you. It actually takes a force of will to say “I love you.” I’ll figure out a way to do that one of these days I guess, or maybe Mom will.
Sigh. Enjoy your jigsaw puzzle Mom. As for me, it’s a day for some chores, dawg walking, and gun cleaning down in the Reclusium. I’m using a great new app from the Vihtavuori gunpowder people and have some data entry to do too.
The rest a ya’s - have a great day too.