Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Monday, 13 September 2021

“Texas" Toast? “Texas" Mickey?


Whenever folks come across something that is begger n' better than the standard fare, they prefix it with "Texas". Texas Toast is just thicker slices of toast. A Texas Mickey is just a big bottle of booze.

Friends, if you want to denote something is amazingly huge - instead of Texas... say 'Alberta'!

I am swapping out the old shitters here at Castello Di La Filthie and was going to go back to the outhouse but the wife and Bylaw Enforcement shut me down. I told the Bylaw officer that I am a man and I'll poop where I want and if he wants to get stupid about it - he could just go for his gun and we'd settle it. But the wife gooned me with a rolling pin and I was forced into submission. I gotta change out my crapper and possibly another downstairs as well.

But if ya lookit down the hole there...good looooooooordmuthafuggah!!! There is a petrified turd in there bigger than a bloody Cullen!!! I think it died trying to climb out! A Texas Turd? I don't think so!!! That puppy is almost 100% pure Albertan beef!!! It's bigger than The Rock Of Gibraltar!!! In your face, Jack!!!

I wonder why it's flat like that...?
Scholarly theories are welcome in the comments.

Of course I will be signing autographs for the friends of The Thunderbox and VIPs like  WL Emery, Hillary Clinton and Barkie Obutthole. Make a note! I suppose I better send one to the Prime Minister's office too. 

Now if you'll excuse me... I am going to pull that sucker out! Think I'll put this Alberta Turd up on the wall beside the deer antlers.

It's a big day for big things here at the Thunderbox!!! Thanks for dropping by!


  1. Texas ain't that big. I once drove from Wichita Falls to Lubbock, and the only reason it seems so big is that it's so damned bleak. Nothin' out there but a few oil donkeys, and most of them aren't moving.
    I've also driven the Canada Highway 1 from one end to the other. Going across Ontario is over a thousand miles and you're STILL in Ontario. That's big.
    As for the subject of the post, the less said about that, the better. I HATE plumbing.

  2. Chewing your steak thoroughly can help prevent this...

  3. I'd always heard that the turd is tapered on both ends so the drawstring doesn't slap shut. Did you head a "POP" recently? It's on top, so that means lately. I have a piling system like that for paperwork, new on top, oldest on bottom.

    As to driving from Wichita Falls to LBB, that isn't very far. El Paso to Orange is a good trip, as is Brownsville to Dalhart. Bleak is Kerrville to El Paso.... Or heading up to Pecos from I10.

    Maybe you should put in an asian pooper? The one with pole and trough. Easy to water the pets that way...