I fancy myself as a christian of sorts. I know I am not a good one, but I do make honest efforts to be better. God does not talk to me or give me visions or let me in on His plans. I cannot speak for Him or have any real insight into His business or plans. But there I times when I swear I can see his Hand in my life - in small and almost unnoticeable ways. Maybe I am imagining it?
I have been thinking about Mom and Dad alot lately. Mom has chosen to spend her last years as a cantankerous unhappy old bitch. A lot of folks her age do and it can't be much fun. But it did have me down. Mike and some others got in touch to talk about their mothers... and even though they said it plain as day... I still managed to miss it, focused as I was on my mom and my issues. Compared to some folks... my mom is an absolute sweetheart! It sounds like M's mom is much colder than mine, and some tendencies that really take it out of him too. I totally missed that, Mike - and I am sorry. A real Christian would have seen that... but it sailed right over my head without me having the slightest clue.
So I go out to Stubfart Airfield yesterday and one of the old buggers starts regaling us with the horror stories from his mom. I didn't suggest it, or bring the topic up - he just started outgassing about it on his own, out of the blue. I have never met this fella before, I didn't know him from a hole in the ground, and for once, I zipped my lip and opened my ears. His mom has one foot in the grave and one on a banana peel. She smokes. She drinks. She won't exercise and she won't see the doctor because he will give her shit about her health. I guess she got pished up, fell down the stairs and fractured her leg. She had to be dragged kicking and screaming to the doctor's to get patched up. She's alcoholic and that is an entire separate can of worms on its own. Me and Rick The Dick just listened and nodded and heard him out. Compared to that guy... my mom IS a warm hearted sweetheart, and it shamed me to think of the bitching I did. He has real problems with his mother. It was humbling to listen to him.
Was it a random coincidence the old fella decided to talk about that exact thing? And was it a random coincidence that I was there to hear it? It is astonishing for me to look at things like this - I have actually been blessed.
I started thinking about my daughter and her lesbian antics. I used to joke that God really had it in for me when that kid was born. But... when last I checked in, one of their friends was getting her tits cut off and was transitioning to be a man. Unless her father is a lunatic too - he is in for a world of hurt that makes mine look downright luxurious. My lot could be much, much worse.
I suppose to someone passing by this is just so much random noise wrapped up in a lame old cliche... but for me it borders on a spiritual and intellectual epiphany. I am left thinking that Someone has been sending me a message and is trying to tell me something - and it went sailing right over my head same as it did with Mike. It's like you need to look at yourself before you can see others properly. The rattle in the Bible about splinters and logs in peoples' eyes are just a passage - until it jumps out at you like this.
Sorry for the novel and the speechin' you guys. Like I said, all this is probably just my imagination. I guess you'd have to be there to understand. But, it's my conviction that Forrest Gump was on the money when he said that some things happen accidentally on purpose.
Thanks for stopping by and lending me your ears, guys. Have a great weekend.