Mom’s decreed that unless I get vaxxed, I am not allowed in her presence. Oh well. If Mom dies and goes to hell during this awful chinkpox crisis… I think I can trust myself to have enough tact and decorum not to do the Happy Dance - but no guarantees, HAR HAR HAR!
Life and death are are real crap shoot these days. 40 years from now our kids are going to read about us in history class and wonder what in hell got into us.
Can you imagine trying to explain it to them…?
Instead of relegating your mother to hell, why not pray for her to be filled with God's peace, love and the healing of her 'heart'? The weird part is those prayers probably helped me more than the subject of my prayers.ReplyDelete
Of course you’re right, Judy, and I shouldn’t be flippant. I actually have prayed for her and often. I’ve prayed for the wisdom and strength to do right by her too. Or at least, I can form the words and prayers. In my heart I just want to be free of her and the head games and shit tests.Delete
The liberal women in my family are just obnoxious. There’s no nice way to say it. Their world is their emotions and if you don’t live in it too, it’s because you are evil and stupid. I am a conspiracy theorist now that hates old people and wants to kill them with my germs.
I must be a better man with my Mom… and I think the best way to do that is let my Maker deal with her as He sees fit… and maybe I should stifle my rude jokes and mind my manners.
Glen, everybody wants their mother to be a reasonable human being. I would assume there are some out there. You didn't get one. My mother could be a manipulative asshole. I think my dad would have been less of a jerk if mom hadn't been playing everyone like a fiddle. Did lots of avoiding everybody in the family cause I didn't want to play mom's head/control game. The praying came latter, along with more inner peace.Delete
Your rude jokes are how you cope with the mental duress of the situation. It bothers me to see you in such pain. I should probable mind my own business...do what you got to do to let the steam off.
Sorry to bore you with the antics Judy. A lot of people take the family dirty laundry, lock it up in a closet and try and suffer through it on their own. I throw this stuff out there now and then to see how others cope with it. You and Mike have been a great help.Delete
All the important women in my family are like your Mom - manipulative, domineering, shrewish, and batshit crazy on occasion. My mother in law, my mother, and my daughter. The only common trait I can think of is that they are all neo/progressive liberals, as are most of the men around them. I never see this kind of behaviour from the women of our church who seem to be mostly down to earth, warm women much like you. But they ARE strong in real ways... unlike the largely fake feminists we are plagued with today. I dunno if I am imagining it or maybe I am full of beans. It's fascinating when you get your emotions out of it and look at it clinically.
I am not in pain like I was, Judy - and that gives me pause for guilty feelings too. I now look at it like we are all adults, we all have to find our own way... and our Maker has different plans for all of us. If mom falls down the stairs and passes away, and I am not to be there to help out - so be it. If she decides not to be a rancid bitch - even if she is but needs help and reaches out... I'm around.
Hey - thanks for stopping in. Your two cents is always sincerely appreciated.
You know, that might be the key to the whole thing 'we are all adults' and our parents don't know what to do with us. They can't beat our asses anymore because we are as big or bigger than them, for our shitty attitudes, and in their opinion, misadventures. The only way I could be around my folks was when they kept it civil, otherwise I was out of there as quick as I could grab my purse and keys.
I really have to watch my mouth with my kids, cause they are adults. I feel the need to respect their rights to screw-up and learn the hard way, like I wish my folks would of.
Glen. 40 years from now, I'll be 107. I'm not worried about it.ReplyDelete
why? don't her vax work to protect her?....ReplyDelete
Mike how did you deal with your Mom? She was difficult too, right?Delete
Stubborn as a mule and bat shit nutty. She has always been that way. Motherly is not the first though that comes to mind when you meet her. I attribute it to being a child of WW2 in Germany. Dealing with her has never been easy. I remember my first year away at boarding school here calling home. Her first reaction was; why are you calling. Most moms would be ecstatic if their teenage son called once a month... not this one. To call it difficult is an understatement. And it still is at 83. Since dad passed four years ago she has really laying it on thick too. I can only take her in short doses before she tries to push the boundaries. If it wasn't for Annie I'd likely have given up long ago. I call her once a week to see what she needs, bring her her groceries and do any chores that need doing around the house. If she acts up too much I cut it short and leave, lest it turn into another emotional CF again. So the only recommendation I have is keep your expectations as low as possible and be hard on the boundaries. You'll still get burned but will go into it expecting it. She'll always find a new angle to do it.Delete
Perhaps more importantly, attempting to share any personal information, good or bad, with her is pointless, as it will only be used against you in the most spiteful and twisted ways. It will without a doubt be the source of criticism, derision and distress ultimately resulting in another emotional tears and yelling CF. So the relationship is limited to superficial meaningless trivialities like the weather. But be careful what you say as even this will be twisted in the most perverse way possible and used against you.Delete
"Perhaps more importantly, attempting to share any personal information, good or bad, with her is pointless, as it will only be used against you..."ReplyDelete
HEY! You stole my mom, Mike!
Thanks! HAR HAR HAR!!!
I thought awhile back that maybe me and Mom had an understanding hammered out, and I remember you telling me not to get my hopes up. It was great advice, as it turned out, and I took it too.
And you are a better man than I am. I am not calling my mother or doing any chores for her while she acts like a petulant shrew. If she needs anything she can damned well call me, and not be a rancid cnut when she does it. I kinda thought the reconciliation thing might have been another head game and you were right - it was.
But here's my dilemma: I am wondering at what point does a good son intervene with a difficult elderly senior and say - 'that's it! You can no longer look after yourself or be a responsible adult!' and it's time to cart them off to a home where they can be properly cared for. Mom has always been a bitchy lunatic and in her case, the line between stupid crazy and clinical crazy... it pretty fine, if ya catch my drift...
Not only will anything you say be used against you, her twisted perception of it will be disseminated to others so that they also hold it against you too.Delete
I dread the day she can no longer care for herself. We have not reached that point just yet. But no doubt it will come. For now I'll do all I can to keep her in her own home as that avoids the problem. With Annie now out of work, (fired for not vaxxing) she can help and is able to deal with it on a more "medical/professional" level.
My own sister has been absolutely useless. She lives in Kommiemfornia and once or twice a year when she decides to make an appearance she upsets the narrow balance I worked hard to establish. For instance a couple years ago, after witnessing her erratic driving and nearly killing a cyclist, I was looking at taking the car keys and getting her license yanked. That would have been a complete CF. With the chinki-pox thing I was able to keep her from driving for almost two years. Sister showed up this summer, took her to get the jab so she can drive and go out on her own again.
If I am not mistaken, I believe you said you had a brother. If your communication with him is any better than I have with my sister you might be able to coordinate with him to manage the situation.
Yep, yep, and yep, Mike.Delete
And I am in the same boat with Big Bro as you are with your sister. He's actually a bit of a prick. He told me years ago that when the folks kick the bucket, he would be inheriting the vast Filthie Estate, and that's okay by me... I could not bear to fight with him about such things (Mom's shade would enjoy it too much, HAR HAR HAR!!!) The hell of it is that his family and outlaws put him through much the same meat grinder that mine put me through. He went into the boards a little harder than I did, and he has larger lumps to show for it.
For me, at this point, there is no situation to 'manage'.