Well I guess the wife’s father went into the hospital emergency today. Clots in his lungs, shortness of breath, other stuff. He’s old, frail, not lucid much these days. His time has to be short. In another lifetime we could coexist and even get along. But then the times started to change, and so did we. 

He wasn’t a bad man. But good lord… he was a dumbass, and an awful shithead on occasion. When my daighter’s sexuality and ideology turned into a wedge in our family, that stupid son of a bitch beat on it for all he was worth. I think he thought he could bust up my marriage but all he did was split his family three ways. I used to have pleasant day dreams of an anvil falling on his head, or seeing him fall down 32 flights of stairs, roll out onto the street… and then getting run over by a steam roller.

A couple years back I realized I couldn’t keep carrying this anger and hate in my heart. I forgave the outlaws, my daughter and tried to forget. I could say the words of forgiveness, but my mind and heart were always on very different pages. I prayed for the strength to do more to let it go, and maybe the weight eased up a little… but it never went away.

Here he is, coming up on his time, and I regret everything… and nothing. I won’t miss him when he goes. But I will mourn what could have been, if we both had been better men.