Well I guess the wife’s father went into the hospital emergency today. Clots in his lungs, shortness of breath, other stuff. He’s old, frail, not lucid much these days. His time has to be short. In another lifetime we could coexist and even get along. But then the times started to change, and so did we.
He wasn’t a bad man. But good lord… he was a dumbass, and an awful shithead on occasion. When my daighter’s sexuality and ideology turned into a wedge in our family, that stupid son of a bitch beat on it for all he was worth. I think he thought he could bust up my marriage but all he did was split his family three ways. I used to have pleasant day dreams of an anvil falling on his head, or seeing him fall down 32 flights of stairs, roll out onto the street… and then getting run over by a steam roller.
A couple years back I realized I couldn’t keep carrying this anger and hate in my heart. I forgave the outlaws, my daughter and tried to forget. I could say the words of forgiveness, but my mind and heart were always on very different pages. I prayed for the strength to do more to let it go, and maybe the weight eased up a little… but it never went away.
Here he is, coming up on his time, and I regret everything… and nothing. I won’t miss him when he goes. But I will mourn what could have been, if we both had been better men.
I pray for a better heart all the time. And, one millimetre at a time, my prayers are being answered.ReplyDelete
I've also known people, both in my family and out, whose existence and well-being provided me with the same reaction I'd give a dead otter. I won't bore you with anecdotes and ancient familial history (for one thing I don't have the time or the bandwidth), but just from reading your blog I'd say you were prone to do the right thing. Whatever that might be.
I think WL is correct..ReplyDelete
WL is ALWAYS correct, Chuck.Delete
I don't have any insight into your situation, Glen, but I will say this: There is a part of the Lord's prayer that says, "Forgive us our trespasses, AS WE FORGIVE THOSE WHO TRESPASS AGAINST US."ReplyDelete
I am trying, Roy. And to be fair... my father in law went through the wringer himself a few times in life through no fault of his own.Delete
I turned the other cheek many times in my life with family. Jesus didn't ever say what to do if they struck the other cheek, which leads me back to Adam, and Eve, when choices were given. It's easier to let it go, walk away, and leave the past on the side of the road.ReplyDelete
That is truly the best way to describe my situation Jess.Delete
When it came to difficult forgiveness, I'd say it again, and act like it was done. Sometimes it took years for it to work. Forgiveness can be the toughest thing to do. There were also times where I forgave and never had another thing to do with folks. Burned and learned. They didn't / couldn't / wouldn't change, and I just cut the anchor chain so I could proceed down the road of life. Otherwise you are stuck at the end of the chain, and life sails on by.ReplyDelete
Happy Christmas Glen!
Forgiveness is hard. The good book wouldn't need to go on and on about it if it were easy.ReplyDelete
Jesus said, Rebuke. If they repent, then forgive.ReplyDelete
3 steps, not 1.
Jesus did not say forgive bad behavior of unrepentant people.
Go easier on yourself, but work harder on the rebuking.
That is very hard work.