Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Tuesday, 17 May 2022

TV Trouble

 On the innertoobs somewhere the other day I found a story about how our friends in Hollywood were thinking about rebooting and re-issuing the popular 90's sitcom - Married With Children. It's in the proposal stages with nothing definite or concrete, but their idea is to animate it and use the original cast as voice actors. So I sat back and thought about that. Back in the Before Times, Al and Peg made their mark with raunchy humour, puns, double entendre, and rude, lude jokes. Anything went too - they'd make rude jokes that would get them arrested and cancelled in today's miserable political climate. Back in the day they lampooned feminists, whores, incels, pedos, traditionalists - everyone was fair game.

When the Bundy's exited stage left... we then got The Simpsons. Then The Family Guy. There's probably been any number of others that began to make the Bundy's look tame by comparison. What could the rebooted sitcom do that has not been done better (or worse) by their modern competitors? The dysfunctional family trope has been done do death by much worse people. There has been a competition by programmers to race for the bottom of that moral barrel and they hit it in spades, 10 or 20 years ago. Hmmmmpppfffff, I thought.

I figured I might as well turn on the Toob, so I went upstairs, got in my favourite easy chair and started grazing my way through Netflix. I see one come up - The Kids In The Hall. They were big in the 90s too, up here in Canada. The humour was often in bad taste as they had a couple faggots amongst the cast but when they were kept on a leash - they could produce some absolutely lethal and bizarre humour. Almost Monty Python-ish. 

So... what the hell, I thought, if they are making a comeback maybe I should watch. 5 minutes into the thing, there's two faggots doing full frontal nudity with their wrinkly old junk flapping in the breeze as they jumped around. I look over and the wife is looking back at me with disgust and telling me to turn that shit off! I was just stunned - there is no way this stuff was even funny - unless maybe you are a shitlib sex starved cat lady into her fourth box of chardonnay, maybe? I was just wondering how many people - out of all the ones involved in producing this thing… actually sat down and discussed this and thought it was funny? Maybe that is what passes for humour in the CBC, and that the whole institution is now a gay bath house instead of a television network? Maybe that’s where the humour is for them? Watching normals people recoil in disgust? Whatever - that’s not a mistake I will make again. The Kids might have had some merit back in the 90’s… but today? They’re just a bunch of creepy old faggots. Unfunny faggots. I turned the TV off and went down to the Reclusium to do something else.

Gawd, I hope they don’t bring back Al and Peg. In the current state of the entertainment industry it could never amount to anything good.

Of Cowardice And Cancellations


...Are those buildings in the back ground...?
Meh! It's only a .22...!

Here I am limbering up for the blog shoot that BP and ASM were having down in Florida. No smoking, Cederq!!! That is... Until the fags cancelled it. It's a shame: I had my deadly accurate M1A dialed in to perfection, I had 200 rounds of my best precision handloads and I was ready to DOMINATE the rifle range. I have been drilling bullseyes shot after shot for the last several months. And now...? Unfortunately - in a move that quite frankly smells of cowardice - the shoots been cancelled and I won't be able to demonstrate superior rifle skills to some stufbfarts that seriously need to see them. You can imagine my chagrin!

It's the smell of fear, my little yellow friend.

It's either that, or my blog backed up again with all the bullchit that spews and gushes around here. Sigh. Welp...I better get at 'er. That plumbing ain't gonna fix itself! 


Today's Public AnnounceMINT - From Stubfart Airfield!


Plan and plane accordingly, men.

Monday, 16 May 2022

Courtesy Of Your Friendly Neighborhood Spetznaz


Ya see?!? Lookit!!!
They’re friendly!  
I got a four quart jar of pickled eggs!
Quartermain got one full a pickled koobasaw!
And Jack got a two quart jug of Popov’s vodka!
Take back all the rotten things you’ve said about them, you
damned Russophobes!!!

“It’s staged propaganda, ya fuggin putz!!!” They’ll shriek! “It’s fake news!!! It’s disinformation!!!”

It undoubtedly is. But then these idiots will see a CGI clip from a video game of a jet flying a foot off the deck at Mach 2… aaaaand…. “It’s The Ghost Of Keev!!!” and, “I hear that The Ghost is transgender!!! Xhe’s shot down 100 Russian this week alone!” Or they’ll see retouched vid of a small hobby drone blowing up Russian tanks and leveling neighborhoods… and they’ll believe it.

After chinkypox… I am through kidding myself. 75~85% of the people in that pic above are uneducable fucktards. They’ll cut their own throats and blame you for loaning then the knife, they’ll blame the knife makers, and the company that mined the ore and smelted the metal. Those that are left will ban knives and will blame you when they can’t cut up their food to eat it or cook it.

Reality is superficially optional in our society today, isn’t it? I wonder what planet I’m on, some mornings.  Apparently they finally caught a white racist mass murderer. He’s a kid…who even has a manifesto. It looking awfully like your friendly neighborhood FBI helped him write it. BCE has the skinny as usual.

I’ve had my finger pulled too many times. My shorts are sodden and dripping but nothing comes out anymore. Think I’ll debate from here on out by saying ‘you’re wrong’ … or maybe nothing at all. At this point it’s all fake and gay now…


Monday Rude Jokes, Flotsam & Ignorateum



Best Buns In Town

Why - it almost makes a dirty old bugger wanna
get up and dance, eh?

All stand back! I’m about to dance…
The Stubfart Boogie!

Let’s get this Monday started off right!


Sunday, 15 May 2022

One Of The Greatest Advances


Ages ago, before gun writer Mike Bellivieu ever made a name for himself in the industry - was screwing around in his basement shop with some surplus gun parts. He took the bird’s head grip off a Colt Thunderer, and grafted it on to one of his cheap Italian peacemakers…and voila! Although this gun looks as historic as any real antique… Historically it never existed; but it probably should have. The stubfarts and gun club duffers polarized; they loved it or hated it and no in-between.

I was in a machine shop up in Grande Prairie inspecting one of these things my customer had just bought…and was told their local gun store had a shipment in. I hurried down and sure enough they had three left. The one I handled was in 357 if I recall. It fit in the hand like a glove and I fell in love. I’m told the womenfolk get along with these exceedingly well. I have medium sized hands so I could still get mine on it nicely.

But…357? I’d need new dies for the reloader, I’d have to stock different gun powders, buy new moulds, and I already had more gawddamn guns than the US Military…so I firmly handed it back and walked out. The Reclusium was crammed to the rafters with supplies as it was. 

To this day I still feel that was a big mistake…😊


Perhaps A Mutual Old Friend, For Some


Haven't seen one of these in over 35 years...

I've been on both ends of this one. When the old man wasn't around, ya grabbed his propane torch, and carefully heated him up and then put a curve on 'em. You could go as little or as much as ya liked, and for us, we set these things up with the solemn seriousness with which the most skilled bladesmiths forged their finest broadswords. We all broke a couple sticks a season so we'd hack the blade off and keep the stave around for refit with these. You could put on a sporting curve for the casual street hockey games - or put a bend on him so radical that you could pick  that puck and up fling with speed and precision that was absolutely lethal. We quickly learned that even for street hockey - ya padded up the goalies with all the kit they used in a real game. That, or use a the pussy's sponge pucks.

My pads weren't bad but were thin on the upper portion of the leg - from the groin about halfway to the knee. All I had there were polymer plastic shells and a hit there would leave me gasping in pain with my eyes watering. JEEEZ....!!!! That HURT!!! It was so bad I was starting to get gun shy. So I ran it all past Pop. He almost burst with pride when I brought the problem to him - these were the kind of problems he was born to solve. When he was a little nipper back in the 40's, pads were unheard of - so they used rolled up magazines and newspapers. 

Obviously that would not work for us - our at least, not our comic book collections. I grabbed one of mom's TIME magazines and a womans's magazine - trimmed them to shape and wrapped them in a soft towel (the good ones in the bathroom of course - they were soft and fuzzy...) and with some creative taping I fitted the extra bulk under the leg plates ... and that particular chink in my armour was closed. It is one of my most cherished childhood memories... HB was one a Big Bro's friends and one day I discreetely over heard them cursing. "Fuggin Filthie - he's turned into a damn wall! NOTHING get's past him...".  My dear loving brother piped up, "Just aim at his crotch or just below - that's where his pads are thinnest..." It took a whole winter for those turds to figure out I had filled the chinks in my armour - and they'd have to do better. They started shooting at my off side and for awhile that worked like a charm... but a few nights on the firing squad after school - where the guys hammered me low and right - and I could parry those shots too with time.

This is what serious business looked like, when I was a kid.

May your business today be your own and light! God bless you guys - and have a great Sunday.

Saturday, 14 May 2022

Saturday Sweetheart



It's Just As I Always Said...


WL Emery’s Wild Animal Kingdom

 Where is the world famous explorer, adventurer and man about town this week? The plains of Africa? Antarctica? The ISS space station? 

No, this week, he’s down at the park, taking his ease - when the age old deadly game of hunter vs. prey takes place - right inside the city limits!

Right in the mouth!

The best one I ever saw was a family down by the park having a picnic. They bought a bucket of Col. Sander’s, set it out n a picnic table, and one of our avian friends dive bombed the party and dropped his load right in the bucket! The little kids started screeching and sobbing, mom had a kiniption, and father threw the whole mess in the garbage can! After they were gone the shithawks moved in and started pigging out on the rim of the garbage can. They ate the fries but I think they were eating the meat too.

The best entertainment in life is free. 😆👍


Enough For The Night


I’ve heard some say these kydex holsters are wonderful 
and I can’t get my head round it.
Properly cared for leather molds and shapes and stretches
over time, and looks great if you care for it.
Mind you if you can do the synthetics that is great.
Your grandkids will
be using that gear if you take care of it or not.

Friday, 13 May 2022

Friday Ramble


I have yet another invaluable product endorseMINT for my fellow tards and stubfarts.  What you’re looking at in the pic above is high octane nitrous oxide for NHRA top fuel composters! I think it’s really only fish meal mixed with 11 secret herbs and spices…but this stuff will turn your backyard composter a Purple X grade garden dragster!

This is my ultimate backyard power house. I’m strongly tempted to have STxAR and Cederq plumb a two holer outhouse into it for visiting dignitaries to use… ‘cause any chit that goes in there will be magically reduced to potable soil in an instant!!!!

Behold! Sure - there’s a few turdies, rotters, and floaters in there… but they are fresh, within the last couple days. (No, that isn’t asswipe in there…it’s a paper towel! This thing eats those too!) When I opened this thing up about three weeks ago, it was a frozen mess of table scraps, paper towels and rot! A couple weeks later? Loamy soil! No stink, flies, or creepy crawlies. I’m told if you throw worms in this thing it will accelerate the compost  AND improve the compost quality even more. When I have a good top layer of fresh table scraps going, I merely sprinkle in a 1/4 cup of accelerant, stir it in…and the microbes do the rest!

Back in the Before Times… my late father in law did a lot of good things for my family and I. He decided we were going to have this composter back when we were living together as an extended family …and I flat out didn’t want it. His idea of composting was a little messier than mine. We had a big fight about it and the next thing I knew… it was in my backyard. I suppose you could say this thing would be a monument of sorts to his memory, HAR HAR HAR! HAR HAR HAR! And I can tell you without a trace of exaggeration… the old bastard would heartily approve! Or, at least… there was a time in his life that he would have. I know for a fact that if we could have composted his carcass in there, he would have it in his will and testaMINT to be fed into it head first! The old man loved the idea of the victory garden - and he was pretty good at it when he got serious.

Now that I’m older and a smidge more civilized… I think I’d like to plant a tree in his memory. It would just be a gesture of respect sort of thing. I don’t miss him, and I am glad he’s out of my life…but I wish things had not ended between us as they did.

Do ya think that compost soil will make a good start for those pine cones? Ya just pack them in soil and water them, right?

I hope there are beers, family and sunshine in your weekend ahead, and - as always! Thanks for stopping in!