I have just got the meanest spiritual yellow jacket hornet up my arse and I honestly dunno what to do about it. It truly is the damnedest thing. A strange funk has settled on me since the passing of my father in law back before Christmas. I dunno what it was that triggered this, and only a vague sense of what to do about it. It’s the kind of funk that’s infected the way I think about everything. It settled down around my shoulders so softly at first that I didn’t even notice it. But now it bears down on me and makes me chafe. I have the good ol’ winter blahs but it’s oddly different this time.
Back before I became nonessential and I worked for a living I used to dream of retirement. I’d go downstairs and live in the Reclusium and the world could kiss my ass and go to hell with my compliments. I had REAL things that mattered - the guns, the camping, the bow, the planes and leather work… the dogs… I figured I’d have to retire twice just to make extra time to use on all my hobbies.
But…something changed this year. I did, I guess. It’s kinda like I’m a young man in his late teens or early 20s looking at the toys of his childhood. Imagine it: the comic books, the action figures, the ball glove, the BB gun, the hockey pucks and bubblegum cards… I feel like I’ve outgrown the stuff in the Reclusium the same way the young man outgrew the toys of his childhood. It leaves me lethargic and out of sorts. What am I supposed to do with myself?
I’ve fallen way behind on my reloading… good grief, there has to be 350 ~ 400 rounds there I gotta reload. No prob, right? Aw jeez… I gotta catch up on my bullet casting because I fell behind on that too! The Reclusium looks like a bomb went off, the dirty bird airplane needs to be completed… there was a time my little shop was cleaner than a green bean Marine’s M16… and I’d be running the Dirty Bird off skis by now I’m falling apart!!!
I don’t even want to open up the news on the internet anymore. Our idiot prime minister has gone into hiding because the big bad truckers are laughing at him and blowing their air horns. Our conservatives have a golden opportunity to shitcan these idiot Covid mandates and the liberal morons that imposed them… and so far every single one of those faggots have gone quiet and timid as church mice. They’d probably like to go into hiding too, those spineless curs. Fuck ‘em all, I say - and pardon my fwench.
I need to get away. I need to shake off this bloody funk, turn off the noise for a bit, and blow some dust off. As soon as the weather lifts I am going out for an overnighter. I need to escape the madness, blow some dust off… and get back in the game with my head on straight. Hanging on to your sanity in Canada these days can be a damned tough proposition at times.
Maybe I should go get some psychological life counseling from Quartermain.
I hear he takes cheques.
I understand the sentiment. I was parceled out when Covid hit mostly from the manager embezzling (he then got a 500k Covid small business grant). Was on retirements doorstep anyway. I thought I finally have time for my stuff (many of my interests are similar to yours). Now I find I just don't care about some of those things anymore. This was 2 yrs ago and I still don't know what to do with myself. I think I am not as structured as I always thought.ReplyDelete
I should go with you.ReplyDelete
I could use a few hours of staring into a campfire at night myself.
We should have a Stubfart jamboree like the scouts. Perhaps competitions for the rudest joke? The loudest fart? The most fragrant? Maybe light them and go for altitude records…?Scotch/bourbon/gin tasting? Competitive eating? At the end of the day we could all sit round the campfire and glare at each other…it’d be a blast…😊👍Delete
I'll bring the fixins for Blazing Saddles Chili. It'll be a Dutch Oven masterpiece.Delete
Hanging on your sanity ain't just tough in Canada, Brother. I feel like De-Compressing.... But that's only cause I feel Compressed lately. I know exactly where you're coming from.ReplyDelete
Does Quartermain give group discounts????
I have checks...A bit rubbery, but,.??
I truly understand your anguish Sir.
I get that way from time to time after I retired. I found that I needed to create some personal structure after I didn't have any deadlines to meet for work. I made a list of things that I wanted to do and did one thing at a time, from the top down. The more I accomplished, the better I felt.ReplyDelete
On a different topic, did you see the connection that Ann made between Justin Trudeau and Fidel Castro? https://www.barnhardt.biz/2022/01/31/yes-justin-trudeau-is-seriously-fidel-castros-son-this-isnt-a-joke-canada-is-literally-conquered-and-under-a-dictatorship-of-fidel-castros-son-who-is-a-murderous-communi/
If I remember my basic genetics, blue eyes are a recessive trait and brown eyes are dominant. If Fidel were his father, the odds would vastly favour brown eyes in the offspring - or so I think… I could be full a beans, genetics 101 is light years behind me. Anne is absolutely correct on the rest of it. Justin’s father was a perv and his mother was a bipolar whore. The poor kid didn’t have a hope of growing up right. I won’t be surprised at all if Justin’s poor son doesnt grow up with screws loose too… whoever Justin’s father is… I personally think he’s have been white… but whadda I know…Delete
because blue is recessive it can pop up anywhereDelete
iron eyes cody
Unplug, brother. Get thee hither into yon wilderness and breathe easy. Take a few essentials: a decent scotch, a couple or three premium cigars, good old fashioned coffee…. Leave ALL the electronicals behind. Every gahdam one of ‘em. Tell ONE person where you’re going and when you’ll be back. If they don’t hear from ya by X time on X day, call the rescue guys.ReplyDelete
you need vitamin d3 and sunlight on your skin to activate it--direct, not through window glassReplyDelete
also under the tongue liquid vitamin b
take it with vitamin c to receive the best effectiveness
then go camping. nothing like fragrant campfire smoke to relax
dna brings ancestral love of campfire forward
people drifting in after the day is done, maybe a few roast vegetables on the stones round the fire, possibly a fish or some stew
these things are real
the problem with evil doers sturm und drang with politics is the misery they spread to the whole world
the truckers may find themselves in jail with those who entered the usa capitol last year, called terrorists
the fairy tale grows
if pols were pinnocchios they would be forced o stay outside or in aeroplane hangars due to nose length!
forget them and take a rest from them
but keep praying for God's mercy on all of us
really, take a vacation even if only a week
Feeling the same here. It's probably a side effect of NOT getting the coof. All I want to see is bastards being duck-walked out and hanged. My mood has been dark all winter. Maybe I'm pissed because I'm not getting the "cold, dark winter" that retard in the White House promised.....ReplyDelete
Sir: You are depressed.ReplyDelete
Get some sunlight. Take off the shades. Go outside. Leave the dog if he is slowing you down. It is time to take care of yourself.
Vitamin D does not hurt.
If a messy work-bench is the sign of a messy mind then what is an empty work-bench the sign of? Don't sweat the hobbies that are lagging. They are there to serve you. They will be waiting when you are ready to come back to them.
God chose to leave you on the white side of the sod. There is probably a reason. You don't need to know what it is. When the time is right, you will know.
Meanwhile, keep your powder dry, your kit organized, your friends close and your enemies closer.
There is a Gremlin that is perched on ones shoulder. He yells every minute of every day that your shit, no on loves you, your fat and ugly, you can't get shit done. On and on he yells and you absorb. Then you wonder why you feel like shit. It took me a long time to understand how to shut him up. My mentor helped me. He said, ones mind can only have one thought at a time. Like no two objects can absorb the same space. Well the same for you thoughts. So when that gremlin speaks up, you too must speak up to drive those negative thoughts out. Say something like: I like myself, life is good, i can do that, it gets better every day, yes she loves me, i have great friends. It took me a long time, but it works for I am still alive. I must block his thought most days.ReplyDelete
Second, you can flush you negative emotion hormones, yes they're just chemicals removed by physical exercise. You need to walk, run, push up, sit ups or what ever to get you heart rate up, recommend 30 minutes or more everyday. Sweat is the cleansing agent, Do it in sunlight and get some Vit D.
If you still continue to go south, call someone. Get help, You can always contact me as a sound board. I don't know you and will never meet you so there is no lose. There are many who love you, many who would be upset if you left them.
Good luck, I will pray for there is a God,
Sgt Peter, RN
I send prayers and good thoughts that you recover your good spirits and equilibrium, Filthie. I love that you are in my world.....ReplyDelete
I've been in something of the same funk myself. I think some small part of it is due to the global psyops campaign the whole world has been subjected to. If they can't make you live in fear, they'll settle for depression and anger. It's paralyzing either way.ReplyDelete
But as a couple comments above have laid it out, and I know its true for me: take care of the body and the mind will follow. I too need a few deep walks in the piney woods, and time spent off the grid and around a campfire. We'll get through it and get our mojo back.
You have a wonderful view out that window! I'd be gazing out instead of getting my work done!ReplyDelete
Welcome to the club. Why do you think that Jodel carcass is gathering dust in the barn? At this point I am thinking I might just haul it out to the back yard and set it alight.ReplyDelete
I’ve bootstrapped myself in life a dozen times Mike. I dunno if I can do it again.Delete
I know, that's the way it goes once you get kicked in the nuts a few times. The prospect of more of the same is no longer that appealing. So we sit here spinning our wheels. Not sure where to start to make that change anymore.Delete
I suggest a blood test. Check your various levels specifically testosterone and thyroid. Wishing you the best.ReplyDelete
I do have thyroid issues and take pills for it…Delete
Meh. Like some of the commenters say, there's others of us that live in this neighborhood too. I go thru these cycles too, it will pass and something will grab your interest again. Or, maybe something new will come up. We're three quarters of the way thru a dreary winter, our political leadership is a collective zoo of demented monkeys, and the economy is going to hell. So what? You and I can't do much of anything about it, so ignore it and focus on yourself and the nearest/dearest. In the long run, that's what is important.ReplyDelete
Ayup. My energy levels are so low. This sitting round on the innernet is only making things worse…Delete
Spent yesterday with a friend in the woods sitting around a campfire. Working out the world's BS, smoking cigars, drinking hot chocolate and shooting my new S&W 69. Even tho I got a bad leg cramp from sitting on the ground it was the best 6 hours I've spent in a while.ReplyDelete
As for a book recommendation try the western "Logan's Word". First in a series no swearing no sex but good western tale.
Holy crap, A. I’ve not kept up with S&W… and that 69 is a fine business like revolver….Delete
Thanks for your openness and honesty. It's what I like best about reading your blog... well, second to the snarky humor.ReplyDelete
I always liked this part of the song.ReplyDelete
Take It easy, take it easy
Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy
Lighten up while you still can
Don't even try to understand
Just find a place to make your stand and take it easy
There used to be a tower about 2.5 miles SE of the childhood home. I'd sit out on the hood at night and watch the beacon light up and fade away.... It's gone now. Last time I was out there, I almost missed my turn, no way point. It happens, old trees fall over and we lose our bearings. Reorient... Take a sight on the stars for a position fix.ReplyDelete
You're a tough old boot. Make a few changes to reorient and take off again, Keep your wheels down and flaps out a notch just in case you need to set down and readjust. When I get that way, I wonder if I'm being too soft on myself. I Just need a swift kick in the keester to come back online. So I come over here for some rudeness and real manly attitude.... It helps.
Your earth suit is something you know better than anyone. Don't auger in, sit and figure a bit, then go bother the missus. You'll prolly feel much better after you offend her with your pawing. ;)
A 3 strand rope is stronger than a single strand.
I've been retired 5+ years now, and have lived through similar times of 'down days'. You're not alone.ReplyDelete
I haven't heard it anywhere else, so I'll take credit for a life philosophy - the Law of Meteorological Scatology: Into every life a little shit must fall. There will be times when you aren't 100%. It doesn't mean you're broken or a failure.
Forgive yourself for not being perfect.
Yes, get outside, spend some time with friends (even if only by phone) and give yourself time to hit a new equilibrium.
And know that your musings and stories bring a bit of sunshine to us, too- thank you.
Thank you guys all for taking the time to stop and weigh in.ReplyDelete