Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Friday, 13 May 2022

Friday Ramble


I have yet another invaluable product endorseMINT for my fellow tards and stubfarts.  What you’re looking at in the pic above is high octane nitrous oxide for NHRA top fuel composters! I think it’s really only fish meal mixed with 11 secret herbs and spices…but this stuff will turn your backyard composter a Purple X grade garden dragster!

This is my ultimate backyard power house. I’m strongly tempted to have STxAR and Cederq plumb a two holer outhouse into it for visiting dignitaries to use… ‘cause any chit that goes in there will be magically reduced to potable soil in an instant!!!!

Behold! Sure - there’s a few turdies, rotters, and floaters in there… but they are fresh, within the last couple days. (No, that isn’t asswipe in there…it’s a paper towel! This thing eats those too!) When I opened this thing up about three weeks ago, it was a frozen mess of table scraps, paper towels and rot! A couple weeks later? Loamy soil! No stink, flies, or creepy crawlies. I’m told if you throw worms in this thing it will accelerate the compost  AND improve the compost quality even more. When I have a good top layer of fresh table scraps going, I merely sprinkle in a 1/4 cup of accelerant, stir it in…and the microbes do the rest!

Back in the Before Times… my late father in law did a lot of good things for my family and I. He decided we were going to have this composter back when we were living together as an extended family …and I flat out didn’t want it. His idea of composting was a little messier than mine. We had a big fight about it and the next thing I knew… it was in my backyard. I suppose you could say this thing would be a monument of sorts to his memory, HAR HAR HAR! HAR HAR HAR! And I can tell you without a trace of exaggeration… the old bastard would heartily approve! Or, at least… there was a time in his life that he would have. I know for a fact that if we could have composted his carcass in there, he would have it in his will and testaMINT to be fed into it head first! The old man loved the idea of the victory garden - and he was pretty good at it when he got serious.

Now that I’m older and a smidge more civilized… I think I’d like to plant a tree in his memory. It would just be a gesture of respect sort of thing. I don’t miss him, and I am glad he’s out of my life…but I wish things had not ended between us as they did.

Do ya think that compost soil will make a good start for those pine cones? Ya just pack them in soil and water them, right?

I hope there are beers, family and sunshine in your weekend ahead, and - as always! Thanks for stopping in!


  1. Come sporky time, it may be a fine idea to have several buckets of this stashed with the shovels.

  2. I had a tumbling composter once. It was a horizontal metal drum that you could spin by turning a crank. It was OK until it rained, then the rain went into a seam at the top and turned the whole thing into a mess that would gag a maggot.

    For the pine cones, my experience is that the seeds drop out of the cones before the cones drop from the tree. Mine were Afgan pines, so your cones may work differently.

  3. Good for you. Being a lazy, indolent type myself, I have a slightly different method. I simply drive my truck to the city garage, where I can shovel as much compost as my little black heart desires, for free.

  4. My composter is invaded by mice. Nothing worse than opening it up to be confronted by a couple of rodents mooning you as they burrow down to safety.

  5. Yah thunk StxAR and me could cooperate on an important project like that?

    1. I can work with almost anyone. For a while... I'm willing to give it a shot. I have some plans for a two holer actually. The one on top is for company, and the one underneath is for the owner..... ;p

  6. WTAF? Why did you throw away all that celery? Those celery leaves are tasty. Waste not, want not my friend 😉.
    Jaded girl

  7. My environmental scientist sister sent me one of those black composters many years and it works great!

  8. A lot of good things for I? Filthie, are you secretly Jamaican? I don't know anybody else who says "for I".
    --Tennessee Budd