Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Thursday, 30 June 2022

The Filthie Sammichologist


Spectacular work, lad! This is not sammich artistry;
it's sammich SCIENCE.

Today I made my own signature Grampa Filthie's Tuna Salad sammiches and they were magnificent. The wife can't handle raw onions and as far as I am concerned they are a key component to a good tuna salad. I mixed up a batch and told her not to eat it. I put in a blort of fancy mustard and some radish, and did some other tweaks too - all manually diced and sliced and mixed to perfection. Quite frankly I am awed by my competence. 

The old lady thought she'd learn me a lesson in sammich making and got out kraut, strange mystery meats, fancy bread and so forth, but I remain confident in my own sammich supremacy. Nobody makes a better tuna salad sammy than Yours Truly - I will tolerate no dissention on this important topic! Mock me at your peril!!!

But... I need a new act now that I have mastered tuna salad. Young Master Ethan may have some good pointers at creating the classic hoagie. I have eaten some of the best hoagies in the world but have never turned my formidable culinary skill to actually making one. 

This will probably be an effort on par with the Manhattan Project in depth and scope. I am going to have to make bread again - my last attempt was a dismal flop... AND I will have to mix up some sauces and condiMINTS. Perhaps young Master Ethan can help us out with the bread aspect too...?

Hmmmm. Think this kid might be worth his room on this earth? We shall know in fairly short order. Wish me luck everyone! This will take all my culinary skill and then some. If you want to give 'er a go - by all means do so and let us know how ya make out.

Tips and pointers are always appreciated in the comments!


  1. "Quite frankly I am awed by my competence." So, you are a legend in your own mind?

  2. Wrapping the sandwich really works to distribute the flavors!

  3. Killer egg salad sandwich.
    Eggs, hardboiled sliced thickly
    Salt and pepper
    Mix loosely and use Homemade bread.
    (tastes better on day 2)

  4. Try making a Monte Cristo sandwich.

  5. I like the idea of a "blort of mustard" being a standard-ish unit of measurement. Sometimes whilst making a sandwich I've been known to make wet farting noises during the mustard application phase.