The Real World - Or Utopia?

 

That’s okay, kid.

We don’t care, and we hate you right back!

HAR HAR HAR!!!

There’s a reason engineers and technical people ‘never f*** down’.  We have these people called ‘customers’. They’re often assholes, morons, or both. Most of them don’t have the attention span to watch that vid, and if they did most of it would go over their heads. They want what they want: it has to be incredibly light and incredibly strong. Workmanship must be first rate, and next to free. And they need it yesterday.

And if you think this state of affairs is bad and you can do better…let me tell ya about a little company in Hinton, Alberta. 10 years ago it was an industrious pulp mill when I dealt with them and one of our A accounts. When those guys called, my job was to jump and hustle. Sometimes I had to bend over. But on the whole…although they drove us bonkers we made great money off them. I think Weldwood owned that mill back then.

One day the manageMINT noticed that the buying patterns in the mill didn’t always make sense. For sure, there were kickbacks and corruption involved here and there and some of their top guys got fired and some vendors got blacklisted. I got a rude phone call one day from some corporate ass hat demanding that we take back a $60,000.00 control valve and issue a refund. I explained that they’d had it for years and it was a damned good idea that they keep it - it was a spare for a critical process. They’re made one at a time in Helsinki, and delivery at the time was 16 weeks.

Nope!!! Take it back! Or get scratched off the approved vendors list!!! I started the return process and handed it up to the boss to deal with. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing, so went to see them, buy lunch, and find out what was going on. He came back looking befuddled and defeated. So - what happened, I asked. 

It turned out that the management was going to learn everyone a lesson about corrupt business practices, kickbacks, and back door selling - or else! They put the bean counters and the ladies in the purchasing department in charge of all procurement decisions! I laughed and told him to stop pulling my leg. He walked away shaking his head. All sales inquiries and dealings were to go through them. He was serious.

The valve came in, so I called another customer and told him we had another critical application control valve in stock, new and in the crate for a good price. He told me to shut up and take his money.

Aaaaand of course, a month later, Weldwood calls back - they need that valve they sent back!!! Yesterday!!! Well…sorry, I says, I sold it because they didn’t want it. “Get a new one in! NOW!!!” Well…sorry: delivery is 16 weeks. Y’see, there’s exotic materials of construction on this thing to withstand aggressive chemicals, there’s processes and tests to be done as it’s made to meet API and ASME compliance and certs, hydrostatic tests, etc etc. These things don’t grow on trees or are sitting on shelves. Delivery is maybe 15 weeks if she wants to spring for the air freight. She hung up in my ear and called the boss. I guess we’d been nastily cut from the vendors list previously… and he was all grins as he explained to her that there was a reason her mill had maintenance and reliability teams and tradesmen. They understand scheduling and availabilities and plan around stuff just like this. That is why they had a $60,000.00 valve sitting in a crate gathering dust. He told the frazzled young lady that now she basically needed to buy TWO valves. One for the rush, and one for a spare. No, we will not stock them here for her. Then he hung up in her ear. 

I dunno why I did it… but I sent a quick email to a couple contacts I had in maintenance over there, and gave them the name and contact info of the guy I sold theirs to…maybe they could buy it back from him. I apologized for not being able to help them out. 

The next week I got an email back stating that our points of contact in the future would again be the trades and maintenance guys as it had been before. Oh…and we had been quietly put back on the preferred vendor list.

So… if you trades guys think us engineering and technical guys are the source of all trades related fuckery…be happy. You could be dealing with accountants and purchasing ladies.

Just some food for thought…