Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Wednesday, 14 December 2022

Not This Cowboy

 



I did Brut. Round here there was Old Spice, English Leather, Brut and Aqua Velva. Ya needed this stuff to sterilize the wounds that you inflicted on yaself with those old single and double blader razors. Those things ripped zits, warts, bumps, and uglies out of the skin by the roots! Then ya slapped this stuff on and either the bugs and germs died or you did from the searing pain. Aqua Velva was the worst. Nurse Aesop used it to sterilize gunshot wounds and bed pans.

There were the odd novelty fragrances like Jungle Beast and Hai Karate but they were only used by professional sluts, perverts and nymphos like Quartermain.

A word to the wise: shaving stuff makes lousy Christmas presents. If you’re stumped and looking for an affordable gift - consider a Christmas CARE package with lots of small stuff: .22 shells, fish hooks, cigars, maybe a fifth of rum or scotch. Gunnies are easy to buy for. 

Maybe we should put our heads together on this one? What’s a good, CHEAP Christmas gift? The wife and kids don’t have a lot of money to play with but they love giving gifts and the whole Christmas vibe. Any suggestions can be left in the comments. 

Keep your Christmas cheap and fun. If it is a time of stress and anxiety for you…you’re doing it wrong.

31 comments:

  1. I still use the old spice deodorant sometimes. My lady likes it. Had a run with the Hai Karate back in the 80's. Powerful medicine that stuff.

    As for nurse Ratchett; I'm pretty sure he licks those pans clean. You can tell by all the shit that comes outta his mouth.

    Scratch off's can be fun and you might get a lil back. Do they have lotto in Canada?

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    1. That's no way to talk about the Thunderbox Man Of The Year!!!

      I just want the people involved with that to know that I am going to hunt them down and pull their guts out with a fork!!! HAR HAR HAR!!!!

      Delete
    2. Har har har! Man of the year... you crazy bro. This thread is worthless without pics.

      Delete
  2. Good advice I received from what we now call a MILF, a few years before I got married: "wear Old Spice as aftershave. If a girl you date was liked and was cared for by her father, she'll associate the scent with security and happy times. If a girl you date did not like and was not cared for by her father, you'll find out sooner than later." (The proto-MILF dumped me a few weeks later, but she taught me some things you can't learn any other way, that was one of them).

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    1. Good advice indeed. The smell came back as soon as I saw the picture of the bottle. My wife to be liked it back then and still does almost 40 years later. I keep her tore up between Old Spice and Aqua Velva! LOL

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  3. Ballistol, the perfect gift. Caution, it has a mild warming effect when applied to sensitive skin for individual massage. Or so I read on the radio the other day.

    Stefan v.

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    Replies
    1. Pitralon is a premium "scream and crawl two laps around the bathroom ceiling" fluid. Since 1927! Perhaps the events of 1937-1949 were attributable to this, but whatever the brutality one at least smelt good and one's remaining facial skin was taught like the bottom of a 16 year old Swedish virgin.

      Stefan v.

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  4. Old Spice back when I was young enough to care. Inherited it from Dad. After that, deodorant.
    Tree Mike

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  5. Cookies- make a few batches of cookies- pfeffernusse, liebkuchen, butter cookies and the like. Everyone loves cookies and few people get the real thing anymore, just the store bought garbage.

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  6. Brut smelled to high heavens. I had some of that in high scruel. I used it twice. Yuk.

    Gift ideas: cleaning patches, Hoppe's #9, brass wool, gunsmith screwdrivers, small picks and probes, magnification visor, rifle sock, microfiber rags.

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  7. I got some old spice once as a joke. Wore it for a while, I didn't think it was that bad. The wife hated it and one day it was gone. Guess if she's going clean the bathroom, she can toss what she wants.

    Opinel #8 carbon-steel knife, $18. Cleans fish, fingernails, cuts string, holds an edge, and doesn't have any of that stupid tacticool crap on it. I gave one to all my brothers, brother-in-laws, sons, and such one year and everyone was happy.

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    Replies
    1. +1 on the Opinel knife. I have a #6 and a #9, both in carbon steel. Good knives. Amazon has lots of Opinel sizes and styles.

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  8. I have a bottle of Aqua Velva that was my Grandfathers. It's about 1/3 full . He passes in 1982 .
    Gift idea , one year I gave everyone rubber band guns. the whole crew had an hours long rubber band fight .It was hilarious.

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  9. I haven't seen Hai Karate in years (be careful how you use it). I used to use Aqua Velva a long time ago, but I use Brut now, for several years. I still use a single blade, double edge razor. For the hair, it used to be Vitalis or Brylcreem (greasy kid stuff).

    LED Mini Flashlight 5-Pack $20. One per person= $4 for a good light. https://tinyurl.com/3wvp9nws

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  10. What about Vitalis, not as a Christmas gift mind you.

    Just a card that says how much I love you works for me, and a hug.

    Bear Claw

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  11. Best gift evah!
    https://www.md2020wine.com/
    MAD DOG!

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  12. I used Old Spice in the early 1960s till I discovered a small application of Canoe attracted girls like a gut wagon attracts flies

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  13. Christmas baskets...just get an item or two on shopping trips...chocolate , wine , nuts , cookies , summer sausage , chips and dip...stuff that doesn't need the fridge , add apples and oranges just before giving... keep the quality up ! Patrick

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  14. A pack of Swisher Sweets

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  15. I just show up... that is a cheap enough present and everyone can bask in my awesomeness!

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  16. Old Spice is nice but the scent clashes with Vitalis.

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  17. Budget LED flashlight, some of those can signal airplanes and fit on your key chain. Old pocket knives, camping pattern (spear blade, can opener, screwdriver / bottle opener, awl) - man, those things stir all kinds of memories of when we were young.

    That Opinel suggestion above is a good one too. Knife sharpener, the retractable rods are useful.

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  18. Then there's the old reliable Stallion Musk. It had a photo of a top heavy woman on the front wearing a fish-net bra so you could see her nipples. I was 16 and my best friend's father (who we'll call Truck Driver Ed) had a bottle of it. So... we tried some. We were double dating that night, and my woman wanted to know what that strange smell was.

    Cheap presents? I don't know. What about a bottle of Thunderbird wine? I tend to get kitchen junk if I know they need it. Otherwise I gravitate to gift cards, books, and music.

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  19. cheap slingshot, you can grab a handful of gravel out of the drive and have fun for awhile.

    https://www.amazon.com/BASUNE-Slingshot-Construction-Catapult-Hunting/dp/B01N1VV36N/ref=sr_1_5?crid=3Q1RMWUZ53BQL&keywords=slingshot&qid=1671044555&sprefix=slingshot%2Caps%2C682&sr=8-5

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  20. Can't speak to the girl attraction factor of those after shaves, but had a Belgian Sheepdog (or Belgian Shepherd Groenendal) that was an absolute girl magnet. Already married at the time and wife thought it was hilarious.
    Steve S6

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  21. I chased a jackrabbit for at least an hour with a wrist rocket years ago. Along side the Pecos (pay-cuss) river. No lack of ammo there.

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  22. I thought English Leather was pretty sophisticated back in high school, I don't know if it is still around.
    Try a Morakniv for an inexpensive, but good, gift. I have a couple and they are razor sharp. Small LED flashlights are always useful or a multipurpose Leatherman type of tool.

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  23. Scramgravyaintwavy15 December 2022 at 03:40

    I used to use English Leather in a Zippo lighter. Textbook cool in the mid 60's. Also marinated myself in "Canoe"...the ultimate sweet fart...I guess I was a real dandy in those days. These days all those colognes do for me is to trigger migraines. Ooh! Ooh! Axe body spray, enough to make a jackal wretch.

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  24. Old spit is great, but Paco Rabanne Green splashed all over is better than an newfie shower!

    Chutes Magoo

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  25. I had an English Leather variety pack in the 70's. Never had a problem luring them gals back to the apartment.

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