Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Thursday, 22 December 2022

Thursday Ramble: Retard Singalong


Crank those heaters, boys. It’s -43C out with the windchill…and Mort wants to go for his walk! 🤬 PP and all the Texans and Arizonans are gonna LOVE this latest Alberta Clipper we’re brewing up for them, I tell ya what! 😂👍 I laugh to watch people freaking out about cold weather. Put on your snuggies! It’s literally as easy as that!

I’m okay up here, of course. I’ll just dress up a little warmer and go out and maybe keep the walk a little shorter for Mort. I am keeping his feet and ears trimmed and although that wooly fag loves cold weather…temps like these are serious. Afterward I’ll go down to the Reclusium, turn on the electric heater and fart around. I think we got another day or two of this and then we’ll get saner temps. I’m getting cabin fever though. I’ll go out anyway eventually. For now I’m content to loung around in my plaid flannels and long underwear. And dream about spring…

So…in addition to all my other areas of expertise and authority… I am now an expert in the tobacco industry and will bring in my first crop this year.

Flapz has procured my first seeds from a grower in BC. It’s probly fuggin pot! BC is Canada’s answer to California: half the people in that province are pot heads, faggots or child molesters or a combination of all those things! HAR HAR HAR! I will have to remember that and run it past him - Flapz may be buying a house by the lake down there. He told me the price and I got a nosebleed. Suppose I shouldn’t be such a dink… those folks tend to be fairly reasonable once you get away from the lower mainland and Hongcouver. Flapz is a good chit too.

So, I’m gonna plant these things in the ground, water ‘em once or twice…and in a couple months, I’ll be picking fresh cigars right off the vine! I’m going to open with a grand ceremony and invite all the swankiest folks on the internet! Deb and Cederq will smoke those small thin ones dressed in their finest formal evening attire and pose for the cameras doing PR shots. The military men like Pete and General Aesop will smoke those fragrant but awful looking shag cigars that look like twisted cat turds. Quartermain, STxAR, Tree Mike and I will smoke those big smelly gaggers that will make the Chicago gangsters envious! It will be glorious! I will schmooz with the crowd and establish my brand! “Mort!!! I’m so glad to see you here!!! You look like a million dollars!!!” 

…. And I wake from my pleasant day dream, snorting and farting in dismay. It is still December 22…and it’s -43C  outside. And my dawg is giving me the stink eye! I better get going. It’s just a spot of cool weather. Stay warm you guys.


  1. best formal evening attire; pajamas over long johns
    i will don clean ones for the party
    injun medicine--for earache , gently puff tobacco smoke into ear canal through a straw. put in cotton wad to hold heat and smoke

  2. They are dropped on top of the dirt, not pushed into the dirt, the correct moisture is important too, should sprout in about 3 weeks.

  3. Are you wearing your fuzzy bunny slippers in chartreuse?

  4. OK Mr. Filthie... I take back all the neferious comments about your fag shoes er, I mean Crocs. Please recall this Alberta Clipper or whatever the hell it is.

  5. Those definitely ain't weed seeds. Too ugly and small to be. Har har har!
    Good luck with the grow though. I run 4 of these indoors these days. Left overs from the business. It's minus something outside and the indoor grow is 75 degrees and 60 percent humidity with full sun. I use mine in the very early spring to get a jump for the outside crop. Just an idea and there are lots of cheaper options these days. Hell the Gen 3 optics are 700 watts now and 200 cheaper than what I paid 3 years ago!! Bet those baby's pump out the light. I see some nice lights out there for a few hundred just browsing around.
    Shit now that I think about it.....tobacco....hmmm

  6. Thanks for the invite, I'm currently mooching my neighbors Cuban, grown in Neecarogwa, fat stogies.
    Tree Mike